Critique my ad? (not yet posted)
 
 

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Critique my ad? (not yet posted)

This is a discussion on Critique my ad? (not yet posted) within the Horse Riding Critique forums, part of the Riding Horses category

     
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        11-28-2010, 11:21 PM
      #1
    Green Broke
    Critique my ad? (not yet posted)







    (New updated pics coming soon)
    **LEASE ONLY!**
    Name: Millennium Gold (Prince Phillip)
    Price: $800 for a year of full lease. [*help me with price?!*]
    Location: Fredericksburg, Virginia
    Breed(s): Arabian/Quarter Pony
    Sex: Gelding
    Color: Palomino
    Foal Date: ?, 2000
    Markings: Blaze, half stocking
    Registration:None
    Disciplines: English Pleasure (trained), Western Pleasure (prospect), Dressage (prospect), Hunter (trained), Jumper (trained),Equitation (prospect?), Gaming (prospect)
    Attributes: None
    Temperament: 5

    Message from seller:
    "Prince Phillip", other known as "P" has been ridden as a hunter pony for the past two years. He has been broke to a western saddle, introduced to fox hunting and gaming. Phillip jumps 2'3 and is been ridden currently 2-3 times a week. He has only been ridden in a show environment 2-4 times, he is at a barn where he's trained under more cross country conditions. Phillip is great with leg cues, neck reins (doesn't need constant direct pressure), and will work off of vocal commands. He can w/t/c bareback through trails, but he NEEDS an intermediate rider. Phillip gets nervous when introduced to new things, but with patience, he can overcome them and learns quickly. Want a test ride? Call me, Amanda, at (blah blah blah) to set up a date and time. UTD on shots, negative coggins, ties, loads, and stands for farrier. He is barefoot, and ridden bitless. Please, serious adult inquiries only. Phillip would be a great show pony!

    ---

    Thoughts? Opinions on prices? Anything? Thanks! I won't be putting an ad out on him until late spring. He's a great guy I'm just looking for something else.. I really want a registered show pony, but I love P & can't part with him, that's why he's been leased out; not sold.
         
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        11-28-2010, 11:56 PM
      #2
    Green Broke
    I'm not sure how lease adds are normally structured, but maybe you should make it clear who is responsible for what in the lease, like "$800 per year and lessee is responsible for all upkeep including boarding, feed, vet and farrier bills".

    Also, can he only be ridden without a bit? Does he have to stay in the state or are you okay anywhere? Also I wouldn't put heaps of pictures, just one good one or two good ones and if they are interested you can email them more.
         
        11-29-2010, 12:00 AM
      #3
    Yearling
    I would suggest putting price per month. Some people may only be looking for a lease for 6 months, or 3 months, or however many months!
         
        11-29-2010, 12:21 AM
      #4
    Yearling
    You'll want to choose one GOOD riding photo. "Good" would be a photo which captures one of those "best" moments, and show the horse doing something really well. You may also want to choose a good conformation photo - make sure the horse is standing well, he's easy to see and the camera is not on an angle.

    Then, since this is a lease, you'll want to be pretty clear about what type of rider you're looking for - are you needing someone to put some miles on him, someone to show him, someone to put more training on him? Etc. You'll also want to be pretty clear about what you expect, duty or cost wise, from the leasor and what (if anything) you'll be taking care of.
         
        11-29-2010, 12:40 AM
      #5
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TheLastUnicorn    
    You'll want to choose one GOOD riding photo. "Good" would be a photo which captures one of those "best" moments, and show the horse doing something really well. You may also want to choose a good conformation photo - make sure the horse is standing well, he's easy to see and the camera is not on an angle.

    Then, since this is a lease, you'll want to be pretty clear about what type of rider you're looking for - are you needing someone to put some miles on him, someone to show him, someone to put more training on him? Etc. You'll also want to be pretty clear about what you expect, duty or cost wise, from the leasor and what (if anything) you'll be taking care of.
    Agreed!

    Also will he be staying at your place???? I would train him to take a bit. Most people don't want to deal with a bitless horse. If he is going to be shown he will need to take a bit, because you can't show with out one unless its jumpers.
         
        11-29-2010, 02:00 AM
      #6
    Green Broke
    I'll have to do the math for a monthly lease, lol. I want him to stay in the state, I'll add that. He only goes bitless because I don't like bits. & he can't have anyone too hard in his month or he get frustrated & won't listen too well. I was only going to post a few good riding photos. Those are the only ones I have, I just posted them to give an idea. I'm sure I posted in there what kind of rider he needs. Otherwise, I don't care what they do with him. As long as he's treated well & loved
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        11-29-2010, 02:17 AM
      #7
    Trained
    In terms of the ad, you missed out how he handles from the ground. I read ads and look for what the owner misses out or doesn't want to talk about. I would read this and say to myself "nothing about handling from the ground, must be a psycho". Not saying that it is the case, but that's what I would think.
         
        11-29-2010, 04:38 AM
      #8
    Green Broke
    I agree with Chiilaa....put in info about his ground manners.

    When I read this ad, it makes me think the horse is for sale because he isnt being put up for lease for a specific discipline. He sounds random. I think you should stick to just 1 or 2 disciplines, and then say he hacks out well on trails and enjoys them instead of having 4 prospect sports and 3 that he is able to do. Or word it so that people know that he is currently trained as a hunter pony but would do well as a jumper...and then something about his flat work (He moves off the leg well, leg yeilds, side passes....etc). If you leave it so open, there could be less replies, or you could get someone who isnt going to continue with the training that is already in him. You should also mention that he goes bitless because you ride that way. If there was a way you could ride in a bridle for a few pictures to show that he does go that way would probably be a bonus.

    Dont do an open ended lease. Make it for a time frame. Make sure you have a contract. State what you will take care of and what the leasee will take care of.

    Again...this is just my opinion...

    Just as a side note....I don't think your helmet looks like it fits.
         
        11-29-2010, 05:09 AM
      #9
    Yearling
    Just a suggestion, if you're going to advertise him as a hunter pony, I'd try to get a picture of him when he's a bit further over the jump with his knees much more even than that, and I'd put him in a bridle for the picture, since that is what would be required in a hunter show. If you don't want him ridden with a bit in his mouth, then I wouldn't advertise him as a hunter. I also agree with what VelvetsAB said - advertise what he knows how to do, not what you think he could possibly be used for. If you're going to advertise him as a dressage prospect, then show a picture of him using his hindend & looking a bit more collected, or state what kind of training he's had. Likewise for any of the other disciplines you have him listed as a "prospect" for. If you can't give solid evidence as to why it'd be a good career path for him, then I'd take it off the ad & just focus on what you KNOW he's good at.
    Like everyone else said, make it clear what the person leasing him will be responsible for. Vet, farrier, board, feed, etc all needs to be accounted for so that neither of you end up with surprise expenses.
    Also, I don't see in the ad how tall he is (unless I'm just blind), so you might want to mention that as well.
         
        11-29-2010, 04:54 PM
      #10
    Green Broke
    Well, I forgot that part (about the height) haha. He's 13.2 so a medium pony?

    I'll post a new topic once I get it all together - I don't want my ad to sound too childish.. I want it to sound professional.. So be sure to look at my spelling/wording/grammar etc. I'll post a link to the new thread as a reply on here. (: Thanks everyone!
         

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