Don't be so tough on yourself. No one here was a born superstar... I call shenanigans to whoever says otherwise. You learn from your failures (even if they are epic.... which they aren't).
Reasons they're not epic-
Your not hitting your horse in the mouth or back.
You didn't fall off.
Things to learn from-
Eyes up!!! You go where you look, I don't think you want to be on the ground. Focus on a point in the distance as you come down the line.
Allow your ankles/knees/hips to absorb the shock of the jump. Ride in a 2 point and don't move over the fence. Let your horses jump close your hip angle and squat down over the fence, not stand up.
On a different note... love the homemade jump.... very good use of random stuff.
If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong
And God took a handful of southerly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse