I just read your hearrending story. As a mom, I can imagine how painful it is to lose a baby. I didn't experience miscarriage, but I know lots of other women who have . It is VERY common, just not talked about very much. And I had a Csection too, and Vbac. (boys)
Anyway,one thing you migth look into is Overeaters Anonymous. I have done this before in my past, and it has been a revolutionary way of looking at our relationship with food. I lost a lot of weight some years ago, but for some reason in recent years , after regaining that weight, I have not been willing to do what it takes. At some point, one has to "put the food down", just as an alchoholic must put the bottle down. For some of us, there is no halfway measure. I just haven't been willing to give up my drug of choice; food!
I do know that setting concrete numbers for goals can backfire. If you come to a place where things go wrong and you are tempted to retreat into depression, it will make for a convenient weapon to castigate yourself if you havent met those goals. That sort of self critisism only leads to further eating and so on , and so on.
If you are a Christian, look to your faith in God and leave it in God's hands. God cannot lead the way if you won't let go of the reins.
Overeating isn't so much my issue. The main reasons that I personally gained the weight was from my emotional and physical battles that I've been through (I've been pregnant 5 times and lost 3 out of 5!) Even just the stress alone can do crazy and ugly things to your body.
Losing the weight is just a matter of being strong and disciplined. Well, and educated. You have to be strong enough to NOT overeat, and to say NO to "junk" food. You have to be disciplined to workout 3-5 days per week (and really push yourself). And you have to be educated to KNOW what you SHOULD eat and what you shouldn't.
For most people (including myself) the biggest battle is Getting Started. Which I did "un-officially" start myself - I've been watching what I eat, but I haven't had a chance yet to start my workouts. But I'm working on starting soon ... I just need to work out a few things with my schedule and my hubby's schedule, etc.