HOW IT STARTED - I am 100% sure it started when my confidence was knocked. I used to sit any buck, and I would love it & laugh at it. I did shows and was jumping around 3 feet. Then one time I was cantering and the horse I was riding (not the horse I own) took off, leaped into the air and I lost my stirrups. Next thing I knew she bucked up very high and I landed straight on my head and then fell onto my back. I was out for a month and a half with an awful concussion.
ONE I GOT BACK - Once I was back riding, after a month and a half, my riding was "meh." AKA, not bad but not very good. My confidence was fine..then I stopped for a while due to finances. (I share my horse, so the situation was handled.)
BACK AGAIN - I seemed to lose my confidence after coming back. HUGE PROBLEM, my confidence seems to be going down the more I see how awful my equitation is. If the horse throws its head up, I get nervous, even if they get a little too fast. I stop them.
PROBLEM - I balance off of my reins and lean forward now. I have tried using a bareback pad and just walking around to build confidence. I haven't trotted for a while because something holds me back, but I want to..at the same time, I just can't.