kitten_Val, there is not really anywhere around me to take lessons I have been looking all around me and have no found anything yet. If anyone could help me find someone close I would appreciate it.
What area are you located in?
Try to be very conscience of your body. When you want to slow a horse, make sure you are sitting deep in the saddle and even lean back a little. You may have to over exagerate this at first (for yourself and the horse to get the idea). They can feel everything, so if you fix yourself first, then she will start to understand.
Maybe ride her before your husband gets on her and gets her all jazzed up. That's always a hard thing too - when you have one horse, but more than one person riding that horse, they are going to get mixed signals.