I know how you feel Ten. I am 19, I should just jump on go, not get scared of being bucked off by horses like all the rodeo team members. But a little over a year ago, I was in the worst accident of my life. I sold the gelding i had for five years after that. The only horse i would ride, was my friend's bombproof mare.
She found me an older horse that i had been riding (still do) so help gain my confidence. But i wasn't thrown, I have never been thrown, the horse fell over backwards on me. I tried to ride my mom's paint gelding, i wanted to get over the fear of the creatures i loved so much! But i was so scared at the arena, i started crying in front of other people and got off. I got so mad, because i couldn't get over it like everyone else!
My instructor put me on a donkey (it bucked) bareback, and she told me when to jump off, thinking that would help my fear. It did for a couple days. I stayed on! Like i said, I am a really good rider, i just don't have confidence. I bailed when she told me too.
Well, I never thought i would ride another gelding again. I am taking a riding class, and, I have rode two different geldings, both broke and everything. Now, I have a 2 1/2 years old gelding of my own. He reared up on me once, i won't lie, i was scared to death. But the boarder I am keeping me at was like. 'why are you scared? You stayed on! You have an excellent seat!' I explained my accident and he smiled and said, 'It just takes time. Don't rush it. You will get over it. It just takes time.'
So now, after a year and a half, I am still shaken at times, but I would say I am slowly making progress and regaining my confidence. It's hard for me to believe in myself, so I am taking a Public speaking class too, if I can build my confidence up, I can surely use it in the saddle.
I hope this helped. but please don't push yourself, it will make things worse like when i rode my mom's paint. Don't suck up your nervousness, the horse still knows. Ride a horse that is bombproof for a while, you will know when you can start to handle other things.
But sometimes, anxiety overwhelms me, and i think two things, number one, Just Breathe! and number two, not every horse is out there to be mean. Not every horse thinks every 5 seconds 'Oh lets get her off!' No! That it not the case. Feel free to PM me anytime, good luck to you, just don't rush. I know you want to, I still do, but, you WILL get there, trust me, I'm going to get there, I KNOW. =]
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back. -- Unkown