Controlling My Emotions - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 13 Old 01-02-2011, 07:27 AM
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Orange County, NC
Posts: 6,226
• Horses: 5
Originally Posted by mbender View Post
Ya. I get what your doing. I can't help you. The reason I say this is because you need to find what, why and how to deal with this. I can tell you what not to do or what to do but I think it will all come down to if you will do it. Once someone has learned to give in to their anger it is SOoooooo hard to stop! I say this out of my own experience.
I have never done this to my horses but I do have other outlets I've vented on and its just as bad! If not worse! I just learned to let go of my frustrations and if something goes wrong or if I find myself stressing, I go with it. Honestly, I start to smile, and laugh.
Getting that pissed off that you loose yourself isn't helping you or the situation. And what a mess to have to clean up afterwards. Not worth it! There's no time to keep going back. I would make 2011 a year to work on your frustrations and anger.
Turn it around and make it a positive result. Like I said, I can't help you. No one here can. Only you can help you. If your horse jiggs and gets stupid work her harder. Circles. Make it not such a great thing to do. Stay consistent! If anything, take a break away from riding or working her and just love on her instead.

I really hope you can find it in yourself to be the person you want to be.
ATPH: I know that good, happy person is waiting to burst out of you but you need to find the key to unlock the door to that person.
Good luck and I will be here to listen if you need!
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Good words, and don't be afraid or ashamed to seek professional advice/help. If you feel comfortable with it, talk to your doctor (even if it's a general practitioner). If you're into reading and self help, try looking at a reputable website and read about anger/anger management. Many of the large hospitals/universities have great websites with a wealth of info (e.g. Mayo Clinic Mayo Clinic medical information and tools for healthy living -
Good luck with your efforts.

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On the seventh day, he Painted the good ones.
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post #12 of 13 Old 01-02-2011, 01:45 PM
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: dingwall scotland
Posts: 250
• Horses: 2
I've got a very trying youngter who's 3.5 yrs old, he's arab cross something. he gets very worked up and this summer i realised it was me winding him up. I was lossing my temper with him big time after 6 times of doing the same thing to get what i wanted, at this point he was running thro a gate to the field i think. I now take myself out of the equation so my thoughts aren't Blo***y creature its now "what caused it?" turns out it was his dislike of the gate. he has a habit of pushing and pushing until you give up problem was I'm your typical italian (very hot headed) I now close my eyes count down from 10!

If there's madness in my method, does that mean there's method in my madness!!
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post #13 of 13 Old 01-03-2011, 03:49 PM
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 310
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If your horse doesn't understand what you want, what good does getting angry do? If you had a teacher and they asked you to do a calculus problem when you were only just mastering algebra, then they yelled and berated and pulled your hair when you didn't give the correct response, would that make you want to learn how to do calculus? If I tell my dog to sit before teaching him to sit, how will my yelling at him or hitting him help him to know that sit means "put your butt on the floor"? If my horse is scared (even if only for a stupid reason)and starts getting tense and silly on a trail ride and I respond by getting tense and angry and yanking or hitting her with my crop, what reaction can I expect from a prey animal than that she will try even harder to get away, both from me and from whatever else is scaring her?

What purpose does getting angry with an animal ever serve? Being stern - yes, that can be helpful. Providing consistant appropriate discipline when neccessary - yes, animals, especially pack animals understand that. Being calm but insistant - that works. Getting angry and yelling or physical - nope. You will get one of two reactions - the animal will shut down completely or they will fight you. All learning will be over for the day. Any good you have accomplished in that training session has now been forgetten because they only thing they will remember is the fight or the punishment, not the previous 30 minutes of calm, patient teaching. This isn't to say you can't insist firmly that your horse do something when you know they know what you are asking for (and you know this because they have successfully done it mutiple times before, not because you think they ought to have figured it out by now), but if it degenerates into a yelling or tugging or hitting match that's not going to work. YOur horse is bigger than you - you cant "make" it do anything and you will both be the losers for the attempt.

If you seriously have anger and temper issues, you need to get them under control. Lord knows we all get frustrated and annoyed, but when it turns into a temper tantrum on our part, we accomplish nothing. Horses aren't motor bikes - some days they are just off and it is our job as their rider to understand this and deal with the ride we are given. Sometimes this means we don't get to work on what we wanted to work on that day. Sometimes, I go to ride my horse and feel like 6 months of work never happened. On those days, I go back and work on my exercises from 6 months ago instead of doing more advanced work. Then the next time I come out, maybe we can get back onto my training plan.

The fact that you know you have this problem is good. If you are working with your mare and you see yourself getting into a situation where your temper is about to explode, just stop. Either stop riding for that day altogether and start fresh the next day, or, if you're not too far gone, redirect to something else where you know you can have some success and end on a good note - it's amazing what 10 minutes of simple stretching and basic flexation work at the walk can do to get things back on track. Your horse will thank you for it and in the end, you will make far more progress and build greater trust, which will make your job of training easier and more successful.

Last edited by PoohLP; 01-03-2011 at 03:51 PM.
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