Could use some advice - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 02:09 AM Thread Starter
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Could use some advice

I guess I should say this is about a friend of a friend.
I have been watching her handle her Horse and been amazed in a way that she is still alive and unhurt by him.
Anyway she owns a Gelding that has absolutely no respect for her she can't really ride him because he acts up all the time and she gets off she pretty much thought him that.
He has bitten her several times and hard he has tried to run her over to the point when she is in the arena with him she hides behind a barrel.
The problem is she doesn't see it she loves that horse and doesn't see the problem at all.
I have tried to talk to her without much success she gets her feelings hurt to easily but I am afraid for her this horse is going to hurt her bad.
His attitude toward her and other people gets worse every time I see him.
How do I get my point across to her and open her eyes to what is happening before something serious happens.
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post #2 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 02:57 AM
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your between a rock and a hard place here!
She might get her feelings hurt no matter what you say to her, she needs an instructor or another rider that is REALLY experience to tell her in the nicest way possible, if that person is you then start with saying that you really are scared for her safety. Tell her thather horse is being a brat and she needs to stop him for both their sakes. Tell her about injuries you had from horses if any but tell her that she is doing a disservice to her horse and herself. Tell her he's going to get too dangerous and no one could fix it when it's too late. Ask her what she thinks is normal for a horse to be with their owner and if she was a horse where she thinks she would be in the herd.
Compare it to an abusive relationship with a guy, if she doesn't do something about it, she might not get a chance to fix it, she might not ever be able to ride again!

Try and try and try! Just keep telling her even if she's upset but make sure she knows why your telling her this, tell her she is important to you that's why you care about her, tell her how much you would miss her if it got to the stage of "no return". Ask if she wants you to help her, to show her the sweet horse this horse (hopefully) can be. Lend hr your horse on a few occassions to help her see the difference. Riding is meant to be fun!!

I really feel for you being in this situation. My previous horse I tried hard to fix his disrespect for people and it ended with me in hospital when he threw me off and double barrelled me in the face! I was lucky he didn't kill me, I got rid of him! Your life isn't that worthless to have a horse that only wants to harm you. Sounds like she also needs to read about the horses language and herd behaviour.

She seems to have a fantasy in her head she's trying to live out that she's seen in movies...tame the wild beast and it all is easy and romantic and will end like Flicka or black beauty.

Good luck! I hope you can save her life

:::THIRD TIME A CHARM:::
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~~~Introducing Barney~~~
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post #3 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 08:40 AM
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If you have told her and she hasn't listened there isn't much to do. If she is young then perhaps you could talk to her parents, or if you are at a boarding place you could discuss with the manager how you think the horse is dangerous to her. But otherwise there isn't much you can do or say. You can't make people take your advice. You can try, and you can support her but you can't make her do anything.
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post #4 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 09:03 AM
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Another option if you are close is to hang out one day just watching videos of well trained horses (YouTube to the rescue). Especially if she is in love with the romantic idea of the dream horse this should hopefully cause her to want that.

Then maybe mention her horse needs a little more respect and show her videos similar to her situation, this can be done very subtly. Preferably if the videos show someone being
Hurt (I know this sounds callous). Fear can be a great motivator.

My best friend was in a very similar situation with her 18yo cousin and this technique really got through to her.

Hope this makes sense
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post #5 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 09:18 AM
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What a shame, if she can't get him under control.....he'll eventually end up in a can of dog food.
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post #6 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 09:34 AM
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That's definitely a tough spot to be in. You've already voiced your concerns and she hasn't listened. The horse has already bitten her more than once, that in itself should have been enough to get her to see that she needs to seek help. Unfortunately, I don't think telling her over and over again will get you anywhere.

Is she a minor? If so, you might approach her parents. Is it a boarder situation? If so, possibly speak to the BO and/or trainer about the situation. Maybe advice coming from someone of authority and not from a friend might be more effective.

I don't agree with the suggestion of asking her to let you work with the horse. It isn't worth it to put yourself in harm's way.
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post #7 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 04:09 PM
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And I'll bet she always has an excuse as to why he behaves the way he does. All you can do is wait until she asks and even then don't expect her to follow thro. If he's biting her now, one of these days he'll go over top of her or deliver a crippling kick. I won't even think of working with people like this until they come begging. One woman came within inches of a hoof in her face because her "baby" suddenly turned rump and let fly at feeding time. Then she was ready to listen.
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post #8 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 04:42 PM
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Bottom line, her safety is more important than whether or not she gets mad at you. If you didn't say anything and she ended up getting badly hurt or killed, you would have to live with that for the rest of your life. Maybe you could talk to her parents or see if all her friends would chip in and get her a 'day with a trainer' for her birthday or as a Christmas gift.
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post #9 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 06:56 PM
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If you decide to try to talk to her about this, I would not say that her horse is being a brat. It's like telling a friend , whose children are being bratty, that they are brats. You just wont' get her to listen if the first thing you do is insult her "child", true though it might be.

If she is spoiling her horse out of misunderstood desire to "love" him, then approach it like this," Your horse is expressing a lot of negative behavior that to me means that he is not comfortable with the relationship you two have. Horses are much happier when they do not have to be the leader in a "herd" relationship (well, most horses are so), and your horse might actually be acting out because he isn't happy being the leader. She could actually make him happier by becoming the leader.
I dunno, maybe this would not come off as well as it sounds on paper. But like the others said, if she wont' hear what you've said so far, what have you got to lose by changing your approach.
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post #10 of 19 Old 09-21-2011, 08:33 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saddlebag View Post
And I'll bet she always has an excuse as to why he behaves the way he does. All you can do is wait until she asks and even then don't expect her to follow thro. If he's biting her now, one of these days he'll go over top of her or deliver a crippling kick. I won't even think of working with people like this until they come begging. One woman came within inches of a hoof in her face because her "baby" suddenly turned rump and let fly at feeding time. Then she was ready to listen.
You bet usually it's he isnt feeling well I am trying to stay out of it but I can see what is comming because of the way he is toward her and I feel helpless because I can't get her to see it.
I am thinking it will take a bad accident for her to wake up I just hope they both don't pay to hight of a price.
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