I have always believed that writing can help me understand what is going on around me. For weeks I had fought to convince myself that there was an option to euthanasia by sending DiDi into retirement - even if it was 140 miles away. At times in the reality of the situation I wavered but for the last month the only option had been to put her down. The medication was her last hope and it proved to be a failure.
The recent hot weather merely illustrated a point which finally I had to come to terms with; her lungs were stiffening up. She was now breathing constantly in short laboured breaths at the rate of 50 per minute. On the last day I persuaded the vet to be brutally honest as to the prognosis for her and he stopped dithering and said clearly that there was now no hope for her.
Attached is a photo of her grazing the grass alongside the area where she would receive her last injection. As you can see she had not lost her appetite. She had already eaten half a dozen pears.
After this little episode I took her back to the reception stable; I talked with her for ten minutes or so, then she turned away and went over to the haynet. It was a good moment for me to leave her to the tender mercies of the vet and his caring stable staff.
I don't know how long it is going to take for me to be able to talk about her going but writing does help me to express my thoughts.
Thank you all for being an audience.
DiDi sends her best wishes and says: 'good bye' to you all.