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Ever have a certain person "down" your confidence?

2K views 15 replies 14 participants last post by  Cintillate 
#1 ·
So, since Major was taken home due to issues with his stifle (which are "better now" apparently... but I'm skeptical), I've been riding Whisper. I've only ridden him for two sessions and he's very very different than Major. Very forward (although I'm starting to like that) but very well-trained once you get the hang of him.

Tonight, I think I finally made my breakthrough with him and up until hearing a few comments, I felt fantastic (as did the instructor and others watching on the bleachers). Seeing as how I've been riding an insanely slow, relaxed, easy to control QH for the last year and a half... it was a big change for me. I feel like it gave me the variety I need in order to gain some more skills; I'm really excited to put some of what I learned to the test of Major.

I was hoping to have a nice video and some pictures of how I was doing.. but Damie (a 20 year old from my barn.. who is proving herself to be quite obnoxious despite not knowing as much as she'd like to think she does) asked my mom if she could hold the camera and ended up keeping it the whole time and took a bunch of pictures. At the end, my mom asked if she got any good ones, and Damie responded with, "I just took ones that show how bad she can get". Meanwhile, the instructor was saying how great I looked and how much I improved.. plus more experienced horsemen were on the bleachers being complimentary as well. I know that my position does need tweaking, but I felt like my way of handling Whisper improved greatly.

Damie continued to go on about how she wanted me to see how bad my position got. She also said how she could've taught this class herself. This was after a week of her putting me down and talking to me like I was an eight year old who knew nothing. It might sound immature to be a bit upset, but I am. I felt like I did really well, for my second time on a horse who is much different than what I'm used to.. and I can take criticism, as I did from the instructor, but Damie isn't too knowledgeable and she's really rude about giving "advice". So, needless to say, my confidence went a bit down.


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#3 ·
She sounds jealous and in need of too much attention. Anyone that spends that much time trying to convince everyone else that she's so great and they all suck... has serious insecurities. You'd do well to picture on her forehead "blowhard" every time she opens her mouth. Sorry I'm opinionated but I don't tolerate people like that at all. If it was me I would at some point directly, calmly and not rudely say "is there a reason you feel you need to put people down?" and be sincere. People are afraid to say something to her but I say ask her.
 
#5 ·
Next time you pass her in the barn isle, hold the 'L' sign up to your forehead and pretend your scratching an itch (think Damie the Dunce).

Just take some personal solace in knowing that big mouths like that get their desserts....someone will do that to her somewhere else and she is going to get her feelings hurt - you may not be there to witness it, but it will happen and she will be eating crow.

Damie, if you are reading this, eat crow! :evil::lol:
 
#6 ·
Honey you look fine. So if that's your worst.. you must look AMAZING at your par or above level ;)

People like that can go suck life through a straw. They are everywhere. Today I conquered my "downer" and felt amazing because I didn't let their stupid comments get to me.

You are doing fine, and I'm happy that you are riding through it
 
#7 ·
Jore, if that's you at your "worst", then damn you are doing plenty fine.

You have two options-
1- Tell her off
2- Blow her off

Either way, don't feed the troll! People like her need to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities by bashing others.
 
#8 ·
Does she take lessons? If so, get your camera, sneak a few shots, photoshop them to make them look -really- bad (or use what you have if she's bad enough ... I have a feeling she is!) And feed it right back. "You did such a great thing for me, giving me those pictures to learn from, so I figured I'd get some pictures of you riding to help you out too! Now, I kust kind of used all of them, so there is your worst and your best in there!" Smile, and be all cheery :p Make sure every picture makes her look like the crap she is ;)
 
#10 ·
Yeah, I blew it off for most of the week, as much as it was bugging me. I think she's just turning into a mini Laura (my instructor).. except a bit more ignorant and less knowledgeable.

And xJumperx, I was thinking that but I know that she hardly rides anymore due to her job.. although my instructor has used her as an example as what not to look like before while talking about arms/hands.
 
#11 ·
The ones making the most noise are usually the ones who are trying to compensate for their lack of skills. You look fine in those pics. A forward horse is certainly a big adjustment from one that you need to light a bomb under to make move. Just ignore her. It's her baggage, not yours.
 
#15 ·
I can CERTAINLY comment here! After only three or four lessons on Fancy, a very calm, easy going, WP-y type horse with the smoothest trot in the world (you could literally hold a cup of water while trotting on her and not spill it from the cup!) and whom you had to give a big squeeze to with every stride in order to be able to get enough "oomph" from her in order to post, otherwise her movement was really not ENOUGH to toss me up a bit into the "rising" portion of my rising trot, despite her covering a lot of ground quickly...she is pure QH and simply built to move as smooth as butter...I moved on to a VERY different horse, much like your situation only a lot faster interval between horse #1 and horse #2!!

Those following two lessons were on a horse named Giselle, who is a lovely Warmblood Dressage horse; ALL forward propulsion, movement, impulse, and drive! She has a very action-y trot, lots of bounce and beauty, and tossed me RIGHT up outta that saddle into my rising trot with NO added work from me with each step! Talk about losing one's balance! Hehe...

Anyhow, after two weeks of her, I have been riding Victory now (google eyes/floating hearts!) and she is, well, something in between!

The point being here: IF I had ridden Fancy for a YEAR and a HALF, (as you had ridden Major, if I have the facts right?) and THEN changed to a mare with SUCH different ACTION without REALIZING and fully being told how VERY different everything would be, it CERTAINLY would have taken even MORE TIME to readjust EVERYTHING!

To my eye, in the photos you posted, I see your position as LOVELY, and I am amazed, because had Damie seen ME on a forward Giselle after the WP type Fancy, your MEAN, MEAN barn-mate WOULD HAVE HAD PLENTY TO LAUGH her MEAN OLD BUTT OFF AT!!! I am fully impressed with how good you look in the pictures!

It CAN BE VERY hard to shake off insults, regardless of whom they come from, because in all honesty, insults simply hurt. WE all have an innane need to be accepted and respected and when that doesn't happen it causes SOME doubt and hurt regardless of the source, generally speaking.

I am 100% with MyBoyPuck's comment (sorry I didn't cut and paste!). You went through a HUGE horse transition--from a horse you knew well and no doubt loved, to another horse who is lovely, btw, but whom you do NOT yet know, and who is utterly different from your previous horse, and it appears you did so with beauty and grace. If I were a betting woman, I would say THREE THINGS and believe I'd be right:

1) This Damie was PROBABLY jealous of your riding or SOMETHING about you that was far above her in some way for a while now and just WAITING for an opportunity where you would do something LESS than PERFECTLY well...

2) Damie THOUGHT you riding this new horse would BE THE OPPORTUNITY she'd been waiting for...

3) Once she ACTUALLY SAW YOU RIDE, however, she REALIZED, "Oh crap, she looks good. I am not gonna video tape her so she can really see how good she is, that will KILL ME!" and INSTEAD chose to take stills of you doing what she could PICK and CHOOSE as your "worst" moments (I don't see any "worst" moments in ANY of those photos, and she likely was QUITE disappointed that her plan FAILED)!!

Totally makes sense, doesn't it? I mean THINK ABOUT IT! If your riding SUCKED, wouldn't she have wanted to capture EVERY SUCKY thing about it on VIDEO, like for a whole HOUR or whatever??? Nope, I bet you looked SO SUPER she didn't know what the heck to do with herself!! She was FOILED (as the mean people ALWAYS are in the end!!!) and she had to suck it up again!

She sounds like an evil little troll. Don't worry at all about revenge, because people like that have more than enough poison inside of them to suffer day and night all on their own, (sad, actually!)...

But, since she HAS been talking crap about you, you very well MAY WANT to address her and let her know that NO ONE TALKS CRAP ABOUT YOU! (This is exactly how I handle my life situations that fall under this category and it has YET to not work out in my favor...I've even ended up FRIENDS with women I expected I would be mortal enemies with once I found out what had been eating them about me and we had a good laugh and turned it into a whole new kind of relationship!

At the least, addressing her face to face will DESTROY any future plans to try trash talking you again. Do this (if you like!):

Say to her, (ALONE!):
"Hey, Damie...LOTS of my friends have been telling me all the cruel sounding things you've been saying lately about my riding. Why is that? From the pics you took, from what the other riders said and from what our trainer said, I did great, and when I was riding, I FELT great AND challenged AND like I was learning. So what exactly was it that you felt bothered YOU so much about MY riding??" Then just calmly stand there looking her in the eye and watch her try to look at her feet.

Bullies HATE confrontation, and often will run off crying as they cannot take the pressure of having to face their own insecurities. ESPECIALLY if you end the little talk with: "Oh, hey, how 'bout after you tell me what you thought of my riding, I also critique you and share what everyone has been thinking about your arm position, etc...so that you can improve that...this way, we can BOTH LEARN!"

She'll NEVER be able to tolerate it (bullies can ALWAYS dish it out and can NEVER take it) and if she says "no thanks" that will simply leave her constantly wondering what people have been thinking and saying about her riding. IF the goal here is to teach this "blankety-blank-blank" some manners, nothing works faster to shut up loud-mouth-know-it-alls that to play their own game against them.

Anyway, Jore, no joke, I believe your position looked REALLY, REALLY pretty in all the pics. And even though I am a but a lowly :-p ex-intermediate and now returning beginner rider, I can STILL SEE GOOD RIDING when it is in front of me!! You are doing AWESOME!! And enjoy your new riding horse...sounds like you have BEGUN to bond and this horse will be EXCELLENT for learning with/on....You ROCK, chick!!!!!!! :wink::D:wink:
 
#13 ·
Why in the world would you even care what she said about you???? Your instructor, a person you pay money to for her expertise & instruction, uses this person as an example of what NOT to look like. Don't give her any air time in your brain and tell your mom not to give her the camera anymore & explain why.
 
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#14 ·
I will add something in. I used to be an instructor and one of the volunteers began to treat other volunteers as she knew better than them and was this knowledgeable person. She began to belittle them because she thought she was being an 'effective instructor" when honestly she was not.

I spoke with her and she was given the choice of cutting it out and staying or leaving. We never saw her again.

That could be what's going on here. But as a fellow horse rider and past beginner instructor, you're in good shape.
 
#16 ·
Her plan didn't work, you look fine. Yeah people are like that. I am sooo use to it now I think something is wrong with you if you don't give me unwanted information. I had not "a" certain person. But a "group" of people who thought they were amazing. At first started to believe them but later on my horse told me very clearly I was better. The only opinion that really matters if you ask me.
 
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