Ex-husband wants her to jump - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 6 Old 12-14-2010, 11:43 PM Thread Starter
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Ex-husband wants her to jump

So my ex husband, who I get along with, told my dear daughter that he wants he to do jumping... keep in mind we are riding double because she is still building her confidence riding her own horse related to a fall she took because dad pulled her off the saddle and she slid down Citurs' bum....

Now Citrus does not jump. He stops dead everytime I aim him towards one.... he gives me a confused look as if I were the dumbest human ever.
Also, my ex is supposed to help with board, vet bills, farrier bills, blanket and tack bills, and does so, but nothing regularly..... I have paid it all since July, which is when I got $500 for the horse expenses, and have not seen anything since or prior to that day.... fair enough... I can handle it on my own with no problem.

My daughter does not want to jump (she told me so) and clearly neither does Citrus. I am thinking I will just ignore what he says ( he is a nonhorse intelligent person) because I know he won't buy another horse and keep it up on his own.... he is just saying he wants he to jump because he likes status and prestige...... ugh.....

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post #2 of 6 Old 12-14-2010, 11:48 PM
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Well I'm only 16 and have never had an ex-husband but in my opinion do what you and your daughter want. If he is not paying when he is supposed to he pretty much has no rights to what the horse does or doesn't do, unless he co-owns. Besides, if your daughter doesn't wanna jump she shouldn't jump!
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post #3 of 6 Old 12-15-2010, 01:08 AM
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I agree, if your daughter doesn't want to jump, and clearly neither does your horse, all its going to do is scare her and upset her more if she's forced to try, when all she needs right now are confidence boosting rides that are fun and non stressful. If need be, I would just calmly explain to him that your daughter does not want to jump, and that continuing to bug her about it will only make things worse. And of course ignore him, and not try to have her jump. Unless he's out there with her and the horse (which I wouldn't honestly let him be) by himself, he can't make her do anything. Hopefully he'll see the light.
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post #4 of 6 Old 12-15-2010, 01:52 AM
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Agreed, if she doesn't want to, then she shouldn't be forced to. That makes for sour, hateful, unhappy kids. I think I would likely just ignore the suggestion unless he gets really adamant about it. If he does set his mind to it, I would just have a calm conversation about how your girl isn't interested in jumping and even if she was, he would have to buy a horse that liked it since Citrus doesn't.

I don't know. Maybe it's from so many years of watching kids screaming and crying because they are on a horse they can't control doing an event that they don't like just because Mommy or Daddy wants them to do it, but I thoroughly dislike parents who force their kids into anything, especially something like that.

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post #5 of 6 Old 12-15-2010, 07:06 AM Thread Starter
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He does know not to go out to see the horse without me, so that is a good thing. I agree with what you are all saying.... and will tell him it is making our dear daughter stressed out when he talks about wanting her to jump..... in a perfect world, he would ask her what she wants to do, and then support her full force :)

"Equine-facilitated therapy employs a form of biofeedback for practicing self-awareness, emotional management, and relationship skills that human role-playing exercises and discussion groups cannot begin to access." Linda Kohanov (The Tao of Equus)
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post #6 of 6 Old 12-15-2010, 07:42 AM
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Did he say this directly to you or did it come through your daughter?

Just wondering if it was one of those conversations that was just that, a simple conversation that got a little twisted when it got retold.

Dad - How is riding going?
Daughter - Good, I am having fun.
Dad - Are you going to try anything fun this summer?
Daughter - Like what?
Dad - Jumping or running barrels both sound like fun.
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