Feel like giving up
 
 

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Feel like giving up

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  • Giving up on horses
  • Gave up horseback riding because of fear

 
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    06-18-2010, 11:53 PM
  #1
Green Broke
Feel like giving up

Hello everyone. Here is another famous thread of mine.

Today I went and rode Gidget and my mom was there riding a little bit as well.
Anyways,I "jinxed" myself today and ended up falling off. I was making Gidget go through water while encouraging her and praising her. She did a great job after she realized it wasn't going to swallow her whole but she still isn't found of it. I went to turn her around and Gidget was loping through the grass and things were alright untill she saw a big thing of water that she wasn't aware of and I didn't realize either(there is irregation so the pasture stays lush). Well my horse decided to jump sideways and I was still in the same place I guess you would say and fell into the water. When I looked up my horse was running..she totally ditched me for grass. So I turned around while still sitting in the water trying to registered what all happened. I got back on and rode her. She walked and I turned around and she walked untill I told her to lope so that made me happy but I feel like a total failure. I just feel like I can't get things right. Things will end up going well and then things happen. She tried rearing up as well because my mom's horse was chilling(mom decided she was done riding for the evening) and I still wanted to ride but she began to throw a fit. I made her do circles also and she tried biting me so I kicked and she knocked it off.

How CAN I stop this? I'm going to get lessons...I'm looking around right now but I just want this to end. You guys might think she is in pain but things are good untill you ask her to do things. I check her over and she doesn't seem to be in pain when I feel around and trust me she lets you know if she is or not. I plan on checking again just to make sure.

I feel like truely giving up because my horse hates me.
     
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    06-19-2010, 01:24 AM
  #2
Yearling
It sounds like she is buddy sour and knows that you aren't an expert rider. It IS still possible that she's hurting, so getting the vet/chiro out can NEVER hurt.

Lessons are a great idea. You may want to practice on a school horse. As my instructor put it after I successfully rode out a mid-sized spook: 'that's how it goes on a passive horse. You need to learn how to manage that before getting on a younger or more spooky horse.'

She doesn't hate you, but I think she's taking advantage of you. Have you played around with selling her? I know it's not easy, but it sounds like you could get hurt.
     
    06-19-2010, 02:14 AM
  #3
Green Broke
I am not selling my horse. That's not the route I'm going to fix this problem I am having.
I went to see her tonight to see her back and did what the vet told me to do to check for pain and no sign that I am aware of. I can still have the vet out to check. He lives not a minute from us. I might just walk her over there and he can check.
Tonight she followed me around and she ran with me,i fed her some grass and then I told her to come with me and we went up to the fence and I hugged her and told her tomorrow is a new day...I'm going to keep trying. I feel like giving up sometimes but there is still some will power in me. My mind is telling me to give up but my heart tells me to keep going. Does that make sense?
I just need a little encouragement.

Has anyone gone through this?Someone who can relate to me and tell me their experience and what they did? I will be getting lessons.Next month is when I can start. I'm not afraid to get on my horse but in a way I feel brought down.
     
    06-19-2010, 02:32 AM
  #4
Weanling
She sounds a wee bit spoiled. Lessons will totally help- if you can have lessons on her, that's even better. Meantime, pick a task, like riding away from another horse, or crossing a small bit of water, or something else she would prefer not to do, and calmly INSIST that she do it. It may take a long time, so budget a couple hours. Make sure to end on a good note- when she has done as you asked, not when she thinks she's done! Dang horses- they can be SO frustrating!! Hang in there!
     
    06-19-2010, 02:44 AM
  #5
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by payette    
She sounds a wee bit spoiled. Lessons will totally help- if you can have lessons on her, that's even better. Meantime, pick a task, like riding away from another horse, or crossing a small bit of water, or something else she would prefer not to do, and calmly INSIST that she do it. It may take a long time, so budget a couple hours. Make sure to end on a good note- when she has done as you asked, not when she thinks she's done! Dang horses- they can be SO frustrating!! Hang in there!
thanks payette.

Wee bit spoiled? More like she is majorly spoiled and some of it was do to me :(

I am going to try to get lessons with my horse because I believe the trainer needs to see how my horse is acting instead of getting on a school horse that is well behaved...in my opinion it will probably be better for Gidget and I to work together in training.I need it,she needs to stop and listen instead of wanting to follow the other horses.

Gidget can be very frustrating and yes today it was really hard to deal with. She went through water the first time great and I told her how good she was. I was also making sure I was calm and at ease. I think that was a good part of why she was being such a good girl about it but she did have her moment today as well. I swear she thinks she is all that =P
I did hurt my shoulder because I pulled it when I fell but I am still able to move it. I've been stretching it out. I plan on getting on her tomorrow and I will work with her outside the pasture in a small area and move up. I am going to try and stay positive because I know she didn't mean to make me fall off..she got scared and I was focused on getting through the water...it just did pan out. Now she did mean to try to bite when I made her go in circles and she did rear because I wanted her to step in the water after the other horses were done and she decided to call it quits and I wanted to keep working her.
     
    06-20-2010, 09:20 AM
  #6
dee
Started
Daughter's horse, Mystie, is extremely - extremely - spooky. I have never seen a horse so nervous. She was abused for years and has serious trust issues that we are just beginning to work through. She's nine years old and has only been under saddle for about a year. (she was purchased from the abuser by a friend of my daughter's, who sent the horse to a trainer after surgery to correct the broken bones in her face from a baseball bat. Daughter became friends with her when she bought the horse from the rescuer.)

Mystie was spooky and jumpy when we brought her home, but she did okay under saddle until a couple of months ago when she had a major scare/panic attack. She's was virtually unrideable for several weeks.

I told daughter to try lunging her and sacking her for a while before riding her. They have slowly worked into a bit of a routine of tacking up and turning Mystie loose in the pen to get the "kinks" out - Mystie will run like she's panicked for a few minutes, then suddenly stop and "join up" with my daughter. Then she puts the lunge line on her and works her for a few more minutes before a sacking routine. (What would we do without Walmart sacks?) Daughter starts by slowly rattling the sack on the end of a fishing pole of all things, but it's longer than most training sticks, and more limber. When Mystie accepts that the sack monster isn't going to eat her, the sack is slowly worked toward her until Mystie will stand relaxed while it's rubbed on her and rattled loudly all around her and under her and over her head. Some days the whole routine only takes about fifteen minutes, some days it takes over an hour. Either way, by the time the little girl is settled, she can be ridden without trouble and isn't nearly as spooky.

It probably didn't help that daughter was inexperienced with horses and may have been unaware that she was pushing Mystie too far out of her comfort zone. Daughter is also bi-polar and has learned that the more stressed out she's feeling, the worse Mystie behaves. The lady that daughter bought Mystie from, and has become great friends with, has said she's seen remarkable improvement in Mystie's attitude.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is your horse feeds off of your attitude and moods. She also has issues of her own she needs help from you to work through. I can't tell you what will work for you to help your horse work through her buddy sour issues and her fear of going through water - but baby steps may be the answer.

If she's afraid of/refusing to ride out alone, you might try trailing her "in hand" a few times by yourselves. You don't have to go all that far - just far enough away that she's aware that there are no horses around and she's only got you for company. Once she's settled on trailing in hand, you can try mounting her where there are no other horses around. If she is a real problem, I don't think this would work, but you need to get her to focus on you instead of the other horses.

Once you have her focused on you and she's no longer buddy sour, crossing water can be handled in a similar fashion. I had a mare that refused to cross water or walk through the underpass that goes under I-40 near our house. The water issue was handled easy enough just by not letting her go anywhere else but forward through the water. Each time she tried to refuse and spin around, I just completed the spin until she was back facing the water. After several refusals, she eventually gave up and crossed the water. Each time after that it got a little easier until after a while she didn't even slow down. Remember that the water was there all along, the only difference was that she was being ridden.

The underpass was more difficult because she wasn't around it much. It was dark under the highway and the traffic passing overhead was loud. My horse wasn't a particularly nervous or spooky horse, but this was something she had never experienced before. I had to lead her through several times (and she refused to even be lead at first). Hubby's horse had no problems going through and eventually we could lead them through together. Once we had that down pat, it was back to the same routine I used at the water - I just wouldn't let her go any other way than forward under the underpass. It took a lot longer than with the water, but eventually, she would go under without issue - even when the stupid truckers would honk their loud airhorns.

It all takes time and patience - and a LOT of work. You are on the right track and you have the right idea. Selling your horse would just pass her problems on to someone else to deal with, and the horse you buy to replace her will have other issues that will need to be dealt with - so better the devil you know?

As for the biting and rearing, I really can't say how to deal with that. I've only had a horse bite me once - I was in the saddle and the stupid thing glommed onto my toe. I yanked it loose and kicked the snot out of his nose and he never did it again. I don't recommend kicking the horse, but it was more of a knee jerk reaction than anything - and it worked. I've had horses buck with me, but I've never had them rear up - that may require professional help, but if you really love your girl, then it may be worth it if she makes a habit of it.

Sorry to rattle on so long, though...
     
    06-20-2010, 02:50 PM
  #7
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by dee    
Daughter's horse, Mystie, is extremely - extremely - spooky. I have never seen a horse so nervous. She was abused for years and has serious trust issues that we are just beginning to work through. She's nine years old and has only been under saddle for about a year. (she was purchased from the abuser by a friend of my daughter's, who sent the horse to a trainer after surgery to correct the broken bones in her face from a baseball bat. Daughter became friends with her when she bought the horse from the rescuer.)

Mystie was spooky and jumpy when we brought her home, but she did okay under saddle until a couple of months ago when she had a major scare/panic attack. She's was virtually unrideable for several weeks.

I told daughter to try lunging her and sacking her for a while before riding her. They have slowly worked into a bit of a routine of tacking up and turning Mystie loose in the pen to get the "kinks" out - Mystie will run like she's panicked for a few minutes, then suddenly stop and "join up" with my daughter. Then she puts the lunge line on her and works her for a few more minutes before a sacking routine. (What would we do without Walmart sacks?) Daughter starts by slowly rattling the sack on the end of a fishing pole of all things, but it's longer than most training sticks, and more limber. When Mystie accepts that the sack monster isn't going to eat her, the sack is slowly worked toward her until Mystie will stand relaxed while it's rubbed on her and rattled loudly all around her and under her and over her head. Some days the whole routine only takes about fifteen minutes, some days it takes over an hour. Either way, by the time the little girl is settled, she can be ridden without trouble and isn't nearly as spooky.

It probably didn't help that daughter was inexperienced with horses and may have been unaware that she was pushing Mystie too far out of her comfort zone. Daughter is also bi-polar and has learned that the more stressed out she's feeling, the worse Mystie behaves. The lady that daughter bought Mystie from, and has become great friends with, has said she's seen remarkable improvement in Mystie's attitude.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is your horse feeds off of your attitude and moods. She also has issues of her own she needs help from you to work through. I can't tell you what will work for you to help your horse work through her buddy sour issues and her fear of going through water - but baby steps may be the answer.

If she's afraid of/refusing to ride out alone, you might try trailing her "in hand" a few times by yourselves. You don't have to go all that far - just far enough away that she's aware that there are no horses around and she's only got you for company. Once she's settled on trailing in hand, you can try mounting her where there are no other horses around. If she is a real problem, I don't think this would work, but you need to get her to focus on you instead of the other horses.

Once you have her focused on you and she's no longer buddy sour, crossing water can be handled in a similar fashion. I had a mare that refused to cross water or walk through the underpass that goes under I-40 near our house. The water issue was handled easy enough just by not letting her go anywhere else but forward through the water. Each time she tried to refuse and spin around, I just completed the spin until she was back facing the water. After several refusals, she eventually gave up and crossed the water. Each time after that it got a little easier until after a while she didn't even slow down. Remember that the water was there all along, the only difference was that she was being ridden.

The underpass was more difficult because she wasn't around it much. It was dark under the highway and the traffic passing overhead was loud. My horse wasn't a particularly nervous or spooky horse, but this was something she had never experienced before. I had to lead her through several times (and she refused to even be lead at first). Hubby's horse had no problems going through and eventually we could lead them through together. Once we had that down pat, it was back to the same routine I used at the water - I just wouldn't let her go any other way than forward under the underpass. It took a lot longer than with the water, but eventually, she would go under without issue - even when the stupid truckers would honk their loud airhorns.

It all takes time and patience - and a LOT of work. You are on the right track and you have the right idea. Selling your horse would just pass her problems on to someone else to deal with, and the horse you buy to replace her will have other issues that will need to be dealt with - so better the devil you know?

As for the biting and rearing, I really can't say how to deal with that. I've only had a horse bite me once - I was in the saddle and the stupid thing glommed onto my toe. I yanked it loose and kicked the snot out of his nose and he never did it again. I don't recommend kicking the horse, but it was more of a knee jerk reaction than anything - and it worked. I've had horses buck with me, but I've never had them rear up - that may require professional help, but if you really love your girl, then it may be worth it if she makes a habit of it.

Sorry to rattle on so long, though...




THANK YOU SO SO SO VERY MUCH!

Your story has helped me very much.
I will and plan to keep on working with her. I'm with her every single
day and yesterday I was letting her know what a good girl she was.
I got on her(i was nervous..in the morning I had some anxiety but it went away when I got on her) and I had her walk around outside of the pasture,made her go up the hill and up to the drive way where she couldn't see her buddies. She did pretty good! We went back down and when I felt that I was ready I went into the pasture. She was a little upset she couldn't be with her friends but she listened to me and we were able to walk all the way down the sloped area in the back(you can't see any other horses when you are down in the little area).We walked through tall grass and I smiled and laughed a bit because it was fun and she took care of me We were heading back up and she wanted to run but I pulled slightly back(not harsh) and told her "easy" and she walked the whole way back. I even got the nerve up to walk her through the area I fell hoping there wasn't a puddle there still(there wasn't) and told her to go easy and she did great. She didn't spook yesterday. The only thing that made her ALMOST spook was going up the hill going towards the drive way because last time she saw her reflection through a window and it scared her,lol. So my husband had to go first to show her it was okay
I actually changed her bit to your basic boring curb bit to see if that would help and of course I neck reined..a few times I did two hands but remembered to use one hand. I think this truely helped. No chomping,no fighting it as much..she did at first when she couldn't be by her buds. And very little pressure. I wore my helment that day as well. I usually forget but the fall made me not forget this time. I did however just wear hiking shoes I know,I know..bad idea but my riding boots were still soaked.

Thank you again.
     
    06-20-2010, 07:12 PM
  #8
dee
Started
Good deal! Just remember baby steps - and also horses have moods just liek we do. Mystie is impossible when she is in heat (I want daughter to put her on Regumate, but she won't do it.) My old mare, Sugar, never showed when she was in heat, so I got spoiled. I don't know what Dancer is going to do - stupid son in law turned her in with his stallion so she has basically been preggers since we got her. She's due any day, now.

Don't get discouraged when you have a bad day - there's always tomorrow. Even the best trained horses have bad days, which is why I always say there's no such thing as a bomb proof or kid safe horse. Even the gentlest horses have off days. (Don't get me wrong - my kids rode when they were little, and my grandkids do now - but never unsupervised, though all I can do is pick up the pieces.)

Good luck with your girl!
     
    06-21-2010, 07:26 PM
  #9
Weanling
Sometimes you have to take a big step backwards in order to move forward. It sounds like you mare doesn't completely trust you yet (and you don't completely trust her) so step back and work on some things that build confidence in both of you. Working her on a lunge line through puddles or near scary objects is a great way to work through some confidence issues without putting either of you in danger.
     
    06-21-2010, 07:33 PM
  #10
Green Broke
I plan on just walking with her in the saddle for now and doing some serious ground work. I just...really dislike lunging her on a lunge line because she is so scared of them..she is always in a panic. She only goes one way..is that okay? If she goes the other way she FLIPS out.
     

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