I certainly understand about the extreme anxiety and panic attacks. Mine started after several incidents.
- I was gaiting my horse in the woods really fast, he tripped and tried to catch himself with the other front foot and tripped on it also. Sudden impact. I with help did get back on my horse and ride home,
- I had not ridden for some times and was getting on by way of mounting block. The horse exhaled and I mounted to the side alittle. Saddle slipped under his belly. I bounced off the block and onto my head on a rock. Big dent in my helmet.
-And, on another day I got on my horse successfully, but the panic attack hit and I lost it. Somehow I dismounted.
This is an issue I have yet to solve. I love riding and am lost not riding. Want to die when I see others riding. Especially, now that spring is here.
The only thing I know to do is try to build confidence by doing ground work with my horse. I guess restarting for us both, my horse and I. Ihope this helps. Sometime knowing someone else understands helps.