getting over fear issues (RANT)
I started lessons about 6 months ago to learn to ride properly & to get over fear issues. I had a bad wreck about 6 years ago & got out of horses. I was too the point just sitting on a horse had me shaking & hyperventilate.
My super, wonderful, AMAZING trainer has gotten me a long way in 6 months. She had me laughing & enjoying ridding again. Walk, trot & canter on my first two lesson horses, no problem. She is slowly starting to put me on horses that are more chalenging to ride. Last week was a 16 hand TB/Paint with a huge up-ity stride. This week was a QH mare that has a super huge drive from the rear end & likes to test you by dropping her head & pulling (if she thinks she can get by with it).
As soon as I start feeling nervous, I put a death grip on with my legs, my heals come up (which causes more problems) & I start to hyperventilate. Neither of these horses has done anything dangerous, one just took me by suprise & the other was trying to see if I would let her get by with stuff. Both times my trainer told me I recovered quickly & regained control with no help from her. But once that panic attact happens, I might as well end the lesson. I can not relax & will not do more than walk & trott for the rest of the lesson. I am 35 years old & feel like a little kid! I'm sick to death of getting scared from little things! Last night I was close to tears & told her I wanted to quit & felt like I had no business on a horse. Of course, she wouldn't let me quit & had me post the rest of the lesson.
Am I ever going to get over this? Why can I not get over this stupid fear of coming off agin!!! I'm begining to think I should just stick with my minis.