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Hating myself after tonight's ride

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        09-25-2013, 10:03 PM
    Super Moderator
    This will only make you a better rider. I've done that before. I've either over spurred or jerked on the mouth and not realized how hard it was until I thought about it after my ride. That's when I end up spending my evening replaying my ride over and over again in my mind and thinking about my reactions. But you know, the next time... My reaction is better, it's not only kinder and gentler, but it's more effective...

    It sucks that you have to have days like this, but the fact that you are concerned only shows that you want to do it well and you want to do it right...
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        09-25-2013, 11:49 PM
    Super Moderator
    And, to add to Farmpony's, do NOT< NOT< NOT discipline a horse, then a split second later, try to go "make up " with it by being really sweet and indulging it in behaviour, even small stuff, that you just disciplined it for on a larger scale. It's a bit like the parent who spanks a child, then tries to get the child to forgive her by giving the child a treat.

    Don't smack your horse in anger, but if you must be firm, do so and move on. Do not let your fear of losing your horse's affection (if such a thing really exists) make you do a 180 and start begging your horse for somthing that you should EXPECT , not beg for.
    Kayty and AyaSora like this.
        09-26-2013, 09:07 AM
    Yeah I just felt really rude, but I'm trying to put it in perspective. I have to constantly remind myself that she is a little learning girl and that I can't get frustrated. BUT HOW IN THE WORLD DO I REMIND MYSELF NOT TO GET FRUSTRATED OR ANGRY IN A SITUATION LIKE THAT? mostly I'm not angry at my horse, I'm frustrated at myself that I'm rude and can't get it.
        09-26-2013, 09:26 AM
    The biggest part of horsemanship is the emotional maturity. When you get frustrated or angry, you've already lost your center, so do nothing to your horse till you get centered. If it means that you must dismount, walk away from the horse, etc. to give yourself the time & space, do so. The horse knows immediately when you've lost it & thinks, "Predator!" You get major points for not losing it, & for having a sense of humor, & making your horse's moods a fun, challenging game.

    Also, it's the shoulders which move the horse in different directions (not her nose), so it's better to focus on directing the shoulders, which'll also help prevent your wrenching her nose around.
    Kayty and NCRider like this.
        09-26-2013, 10:56 AM
    I agree with Northern! There have been several times when I could feel my patience wearing thin. I knew somehow I was failing to communicate effectively with my horse. The best thing to do is stop, get off and walk it off. Think about what you are asking and exactly what your horse is not doing. Then just get creative and mount up and try asking in a new, creative way. Don't forget to reward even a partially correct response, then tweek your method and see if you can't get even more of the task correct. Sometimes your horse speaks German and you are speaking French- but once the two of you get it, it's a wonderful thing!
        09-26-2013, 11:44 AM
    My horse is my best friend and sometimes I treat her like a piece of glass
    this type of thing scares me. Your horse does not want to be your friend or equal. It wants to lead or be led. Seeing as your horse being the leader would end badly for you, you taking the lead is best. Your horse will be happy and enjoy its job(spending time with you) if you take that roll seriously, which includes discipline. Your horse will not hesitate to administer physical discipline to you if you fail to take the leadership position. Good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect, so don't feel bad.

    you've already lost your center, so do nothing to your horse till you get centered. If it means that you must dismount, walk away from the horse, etc. to give yourself the time & space, do so.
    Sometimes just asking for a halt in a quiet corner and doing some deep breathing exercises is all that is needed, then go back and focus on a task you know you can do. Other times you may have to get off the horse. Usually when I'm getting really frustrated I'll stop the session on a good note, and go for a trail ride. Just remember, more often than not its the mood your in, or the way you are giving instructions that's the problem. No point getting mad at the horse when your at fault.
    Bagheera likes this.
        09-26-2013, 12:51 PM
    I felt this way with last night's ride also, I've been doing too many gallop sets and now when I ask my horse to trot he just gets all rushy and tries to break into a canter. So then I get mad (which I really hate) at him and try to work it all out, then his trot improves so I try to canter and he is also trying to rush while on the wrong lead, so I end up pulling on his mouth. It really doesn't help that my previous trainer taught me to yank when a horse gets too pushy at the canter, and he's an amazing horse. I can't ruin him because of me.
        09-28-2013, 10:52 PM
    Originally Posted by eventergirl1998    
    ... It really doesn't help that my previous trainer taught me to yank when a horse gets too pushy at the canter, and he's an amazing horse. ...
    This previous "trainer" was not worthy to be called a trainer!
        09-29-2013, 12:16 AM
    When I started retraining my horse last year, I had one lesson where I broke down in tears and was absolutely hysterical. I had to get off and my trainer finished the ride on him. I wasn't mad at him, but at myself because I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I'd lost the communication between myself and my horse because I wasn't asking him to do something right. He was confused and it was my fault. Once my trainer got on him, she was able to walk me through what I needed to do by actually showing me. Then I understood my mistake. I never lose my cool and I never cry. It was just a really bad day. Sometimes you just have to get off and try again another day when you are that frustrated. My horse also had days where he just wasn't mentally in the right place to do what I wanted him to do. On those days, I just asked him for simple work that I knew he could successfully do. You have to be able to recognize this in the horse. Any time you or the horse get flustered, go back to a place of calm for both of you. Even if you just do 20mins of walk work, that's ok, because you finished successfully. Sometimes ou have to discipline the horse to get them back on track, but you must discipline them appropriately. Most importantly, don't stress or freak out. It happens to everyone. You will get to wherever you are going eventually.
        09-29-2013, 01:56 AM
    I get campers all the time saying "but I don't wanna hurt him!' when their horse isn't listening and depending on their age I either say something like "well he has to learn or he'll think he's in charge and you might get hurt" or "it won't hurt him that much, he has to learn it now okay" this can happen with anything from the horse being lazy to the horse eating (mostly this one and they'll give one really lame tug on the reins and wine about the horse "not listening" to which I always say "no that was you, you need to pull harder. ______ is good horse" and if it continues like that I'll make it even more obvious that they're doing something wrong by adding "it just depends on who is riding him" t the end, usually they get it at that point)

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