HELP! My daughter is wanting to quit :( - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 40 Old 02-03-2010, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for your quick reply! WOW! What a great idea LOL I think that could be a great motivator! I have tried to explain to her some of the same things .. but not to that extent! Thanks again :)

Originally Posted by Indyhorse View Post
So far this isn't something I have had to deal with myself, my son has taken a few falls but it hasn't put him off. But a good friend of mine went through it last year. Her daughter (9 years old) had taken a bad fall and wanted "out". She told her daughter it was fine if she didn't want to ride any more and she wouldn't make her, but she told her daughter that she had bought and owned a horse and was therefore committed to the horse. She made her daughter take on the responsibility of all the daily chores of the horse, including feeding, grooming, and stall cleaning. When her daughter complained about the work her mother reminded her that the "payment" for all this work was getting to ride, that was what made owning a horse worth it, and sympathized with her that when you just have to do all the work and not get any of the riding, that owning a horse wasn't as much fun. But she kept telling her daughter they would not just "get rid" of the horse, that she didn't believe horses were disposable commodities. It wasn't long at all before the daughter wanted to get the "fun" out of riding again - her mother started slow, didn't push her to show or compete, and just let her trail ride, and soon the daughter was back into riding full force.
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post #12 of 40 Old 02-03-2010, 03:49 PM Thread Starter
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That is my biggest fear .. pushing her too much and actually causing her to walk away from it for good :( I know she enjoys it so much .. owning a horse has really increased her sense of self, her confidence has really blossomed .. it is just so hard to sit with my hands tied :( But patience was never my strong suit! Guess that's why God keeps give me the lesson over and over again LOL Thanks again!

Originally Posted by SmoothTrails View Post
I agree with the above advice. I am younger, and my litte sister went through this. Your daughter may or may not get back into horses, but if you push her it is more likley she will not. Allow her to just "play" with the horses grooming and grazing kind of things. If there is another horse she is more comfortable on you may even give her the option of just poking around some.

My sister quit riding for about 5 years, and then she decided to get back into it. When she quit I took on riding her pony until we sold him, but she knew that if she wanted to ride she was wecome to borrow anybody else's horse.

I on the other hand had a bad fall when I was 12. It included ambulance in the pasture, splint for a fracture on my arm, nice concussion, and some major fear of my favorite horse on earth. (even though if was COMPLETELY my fault) I took a break from him for about 3 months. I rode my dad's laid back horse and he rode mine to keep him in shape. Part of the break was because my family (not my dad but the rest of the extended family) fueled my fear, and I was terrified that as soon as I got back on my horse would blow up since I didn't get back on.

I woudl just give her some time. Don't push her, and she will either come back to it or not on her own.
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post #13 of 40 Old 02-03-2010, 03:49 PM
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If she is still interested in the barn work but not the riding, I would just let her come around on her own. At the very least, you have help and a companion at the barn. If she comes around, it will be her choice and that would be great.

I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

It's not always what you say but what they hear.
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post #14 of 40 Old 02-03-2010, 03:52 PM Thread Starter
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XXX my fingers that my spring she will be feeling more confident and be ready to ride again! Until then we will just let her take it at her speed.. Thanks for the advise.

Originally Posted by iridehorses View Post
If she is still interested in the barn work but not the riding, I would just let her come around on her own. At the very least, you have help and a companion at the barn. If she comes around, it will be her choice and that would be great.
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post #15 of 40 Old 02-03-2010, 04:00 PM
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Just give her some time. If she still loves spending time with the horse, playing with him and such, more than likely she'll come around. I know how it is to be nervous, and to be afraid of something that has previously hurt me. Luckily in my case, it never came from coming off of a horse. I've come off PLENTY of times, broken arm; broken leg; and this last time, back in May, 5 broken ribs, collapsed lung, partially collapsed other lung, punctured liver, and a small piece broken off of my spine. After 1 day in the ICU, and 9 more days in the hospital, when the doctor was talking about maybe having to send me home with an oxygen tank, I made the joke that I needed one for a back pack. When asked why, I told him that I needed a way to carry it while riding the horse. Within a month after getting out of the hospital, I was back on my horse doing a very careful walk with my husband and mother-in-law right beside me all the way. The Halflinger that threw me went back to her owner (I was trying her out for my mother-in-law) before I even got a chance to get back on her...thanks to my hubby.

My daughter on the other hand is a totally different story. She fell off when she was 8. She's been on one horse since then. When she comes to visit, she doesn't even want to go to the barn with me to feed...much less get on the horse.
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post #16 of 40 Old 02-03-2010, 04:09 PM
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What your daughter needs now is time to come to terms with her fear.

She still loves being in the barn and around her horse, so that's good.

But you, as the mom, need to step back and let her take her time deciding what she wants to do.

Riding isn't always the end-all be-all for everybody. Some folks just like having horses around, and never ride them.

I took a bad fall almost 3 years ago. Broken ribs, clavicle, bad concussion. I wasn't merely afraid to ride, I was terrified.

I spent 8 months just taking care of my horses, and finally decided that not riding was worse than the fear of getting hurt again.

THAT'S where your daughter needs to be mentally and emotionally before she's ready to climb back on again.

Leave her alone and let her work this out on her own. You're not helping her by pushing her to get back in the saddle when she's not ready.
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post #17 of 40 Old 02-03-2010, 04:27 PM
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I didn't read everyones responses. My thoughts on this are she needs to fall off again! LOL. Fear is a really strong emotion that can be very controlling. The hardest thing is going to be for you not to loose YOUR cool while she's being insecure.

Let her work it out. I probably wouldn't let her quit all together just yet beause she might only need a little push in the right direction but if she needs to go back to the leadline or to the basics for a while... I'd let her.

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy"
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post #18 of 40 Old 02-04-2010, 02:11 PM
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I am not sure what you think of this because I have never really had a fear issue with horses. I have fortunately not been seriously hurt but my sister had to learn to walk and talk again because of a head injury when we were 5 (we are twins), she stills rides on occation but not as much as before. But have you ever considered letting your daughter do groundwork with the horse to become more confident around it. The horse will become much respectful and it might help your daughter overcome her fear.
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post #19 of 40 Old 02-04-2010, 02:56 PM
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Time... I am 45 rode all the time up until about 8 years ago.. quit... started back riding in 08 late in the fall... got dumped( nasty fall all my fault not the horses..) I am just now getting my nerve back.. give her some time.. if she has the passion for horses she will start when she is ready..
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post #20 of 40 Old 02-04-2010, 03:51 PM
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I think that your daughters worst enemy as far as getting her confidence back is any non-competitive riding. If all your doing is letting her walk around an arena then all she needs to think about is falling off. Ride wtih her and try to find something fun to do that will make her want to go faster to win. It doesn't have to be organized or with more than two people. If you have a race around the arena to see who can get thier horse to walk faster or play tag or one of you can pretend to be a cow and other can "cut" you. If you make it fun and competitive most peoples drive will overcome thier fear and before you know it she will be loping circle around you. do anything that will make her forget about the horse under her and ride.

There's nothing like the Rockies in the springtime... Nothing like the freedom in the air... And there ain't nothing better than draggin calves to the fire and there's nothing like the smell of burning hair. -Brenn Hill
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