HELP! My daughter is wanting to quit :( - Page 4 - The Horse Forum
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post #31 of 40 Old 04-15-2010, 01:53 PM
Green Broke
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I don't think anyone is trying to force their child to ride.

In my case, I had a kid that WANTED to ride but was scared to do so. As her mother, I know what she wants... every picture she brings home from school has her on a horse, every books she checks out at the library... are about horses, first thing she shows all her new friends is all her horse stuff (particularly her new saddle that she is now terrified to ride in).

Monday, I told her that if her homework was done, I'd take her with me yesterday when I was riding. She talked about nothing else for two days, except going with Mommy, feeding Mommy's horse, brushing Mommy's horse, can Mommy's horse wear the purple polo wraps? Can she ride Mommy's horse? Arrived and she brushed my horse, she shoveled corrals with me, watched me ride, set up obstacle courses for me, fed the resident pasture ornament more treats than a horse should probably eat and then when I got off and told her to hop up and walk my horse out, she freaked. Wasn't that she didn't want to, she was scared because my horse was "big" and had an English saddle on (she's ok in a Western right now, terrified of English saddles because that's what she fell in).

I got her up there, took some effort but once she was up there and had a person on each side of her walking along, she was fine. I KNOW my kid and I know that the minute something seems difficult she gives up. She needed to get up there and face her fears instead of giving up immediately. If she gets up there a few more times and decides she doesn't want to any more, that's fine. I'm not going to force her to do something she hates but I'm not going to let her give up on everything just because it got difficult.
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post #32 of 40 Old 04-15-2010, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by RiosDad View Post

give the kid a break to decide for herself what she wants out of life.
I am definately not forcing my daughter to ride it is her who always wants to ride and play with the horses if she wanted to stop it would not be an issue. What I was asking was had anyone any idea on how to get her past her fear as she wants to ride. She was only at a cross country event the other day and was planning the big jumps she was going to do when she gets her own pony! It was me telling her then she cudnt do it not forcing her to try!
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post #33 of 40 Old 04-15-2010, 07:31 PM
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To answer sdunne86, not the OP:

Originally Posted by Delfina View Post
I'd start by getting a new instructor and put her back on a lunge line for a lesson or two.

Originally Posted by sdunne86 View Post
I am also having a issue with my 5 year old daughter. A few weeks ago on her lesson she did not want to canter as she was on a pony with a very bouncy canter yet her instructor ignored her and made the pony canter. since then she has got very nervous and freaks out when on the back of a pony yet she still wants to ride just the fear takes over when on the back of the pony. Does anyone have any ideas how I can help her get over her fear. She has also fallen off a few times but got straight back up and wasnt that phased by falling
It sounds like your daughter may have lost faith in her instructor, rather than just being afraid of her pony. She needs to trust the instructor to listen to her, especially, if your daughter did what the instructor wanted against your daughter's better judgment and something scary happened.

Delfina may be right, that a new instructor may help your daughter feel more secure and get past her fears.

Good luck!

OP: it's been a couple of months, how is your daughter doing now?

Originally Posted by Speed Racer View Post
All horse people are crazy, but some of us are higher functioning than others.
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post #34 of 40 Old 04-15-2010, 08:39 PM
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I am not sure if something along these lines has been said or not, but I don't have the energy to read through 4 pages right now lol.

My thoughts on your original post:
I went through something similar. I had my own horse, and had a few big spills off of him and completely lost confidence and we ended up giving him away because I just couldn't bring myself to ride him enough, especially not confidently. I ended up taking a year or so off of riding completely (because of school), and during that time I matured and realized that my fear was just stopping me from doing what I enjoy. Since you said your daughter still enjoys being around the horse and barn, I'd say she still has the passion but maybe she just needs some time away from the sport to get herself back into a wanting to do it mindset, instead of being forced to. Not saying you are forcing her, either, some people will force themselves to do things that scare them because they know that deep inside they do want to do it, they just can't get past the fear.

I hope you get her back into what she likes to do, and if she decides she doesn't want to ride at all anymore then I hope she finds something wonderful that she likes to do!
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post #35 of 40 Old 04-16-2010, 04:31 AM
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Thanks for the help! got a new instructor and back on lunge for a lesson or two and already the difference is fantastic! she is having fun and playing again! Here is a photo of her the other day riding with her granda and messing which was great to see as she was totally relaxed on the ponys back again!
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post #36 of 40 Old 04-16-2010, 07:36 AM
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I saw an ad in the paper last night, a 14.1hh pony for sale, 'daughter lost interest'- i thought this was so sad :(, if only i had room for another horse.
I think waiting untill she is ready to get back on is a good idea, you dont want to put her off for good by being pushy, like you said. Maybe get her some lessons? This way she will be riding different horses to the one she fell off and maybe she will get her confidence back enough to get back up on her own horse.

*reading the last post, it is fantastic that she is back on a pony again :)

Keep your feet on the ground when your head's in the clouds.
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post #37 of 40 Old 04-17-2010, 04:38 PM
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When I was very little the book “Good Luck Pony” by Elizabeth Koda-Callan really helped me build my confidence back after a bad fall.
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post #38 of 40 Old 04-17-2010, 06:20 PM
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Does she still love horses or is she completely terrified of them? She obviously isn't ready for even getting back on the horse yet so just have her groom the horse and walk him on a lead rope until she's ready. And in the meantime ride the horse so she sees he's not dangerous. I also noticed horse movies make a child want to ride a horse more.
The only way to overcome fear is to face it, but that's her choice for when she's ready... I wouldn't suggest forcing her to ride just yet.

EDIT: Just noticed your last post where your daughter is riding again. Glad it all worked out!
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post #39 of 40 Old 04-17-2010, 07:01 PM
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That photo is great to see! She looks like she's having fun, and her pony is ADORABLE!
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post #40 of 40 Old 04-17-2010, 07:53 PM
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I almost quit when I was around 9 as well. The horse I was used to riding, named Rosie was retired to the pasture. And after that I refused to canter for a year or I ALWAYS asked the trainer how smooth the horse's canter was before I took one canter step and I dreaded every lesson and jumped up in down inside when it rained or something came up. I am SO glad I stuck with it. Now at 15 and I'm fully committed, and ready to buy a horse and advance even more.

Last edited by Jordan S; 04-17-2010 at 07:55 PM.
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