Hurt physically and emotionally..need advice please
I apologize because this is going to be long but I truly don't know what to do and need some opinions.
I am 42 years old and started taking lessons in 2009. I absolutely love everything about riding and horses in general. I am addicted.
My husband and I have been leasing two horses for a year. His leased horse is perfect for him. Mine has been dealing with some saddle fit issues and I have only been able to ride her bareback or in an English saddle for the last 4 months. I am a western rider so this is not the optimal situation for me.
Back in August, I started working with a young, green horse that the owner was wanted to give away. I won't get into details but the green + green = black and blue is very true and I realized that she was not the horse for me.
I was at work, when someone noticed my black and blue ( and green and purple and yellow) arm and asked me what happened. I told her and said I guess I needed an older, dead broke horse. She got excited and said her 74 year old mother needed to find a new home for her horse because he was't getting ridden and he was too good of a horse to just sit in a field and she would give him to the right person for free.
Sonny is a 17 year old registered qh. He is of the "Easy Jet" bloodline...which really doesn't mean much to me but I guess that is a big deal.
I made sure to do everything right. I knew he hadn't been ridden in two years so I had the owner's son in law ride him first. He was fine, a little rusty, but really calm. The first time I rode him, I was really impressed with his response to leg cues and his good brakes.
His owner asked that I not take him to the barn where we lease right away..that she wanted Sonny and I to take some time to know each other and that was fine by me. I want a vet check anyway. We arranged for me to go out to his current barn whenever I want to ride him and then once I am sure he is right for me, I will get the vet check, and then move him to his new barn.
I have been out several times...sometimes just to take carrots and groom him, and other times to ride. I had my trainer go out with me and give me a lesson on him. She rode him as well and was so impressed with him. She was amazed that he had been out of work for over 2 years. She said she didnt think there was a mean bone in his body.
I went out on Thursday and had a nice ride on him. My cell phone went off ( I will always remember to silence it from now on) and instead of spooking, he just looked around trying to find the noise.
My hubby and I went out today and I was having a great ride in the arena. I am taking it very slow with him. We trotted the barrel pattern two times and I decided to just walk the rest of the time, working on circles to help build up muscle tone.
He wanted to go to the fence line to eat, and I used rein and leg to get him to walk up the side instead. We got almost to the end of the arena when he jumped and bucked a couple of times. I came off and landed on my right side. I heard something crack and knew I was hurt pretty badly.
Hubby came running and moved Sonny away. Sonny had just stood there looking at me. I couldnt stand to be touched so I told him to untack Sonny and turn him out in the field that surrounds the arena.
After almost passing out several times, I was able to walk out to the field. Sonny came up to me and buried his nose in my hair and wouldnt leave me. He kept blowing into my hair and wouldnt leave my side as I walked to the gate.
I ended up in the ER...no visible breaks on the xrays but defintely bruised abd possibly cracked ribs. I have broken my back before and this pain is much worse. Hubby is picking up my pain meds as I type this.
But as much as my body hurts, my heart hurts even worse. If I knew why he bucked me off, I would feel better, I think.
I know I should have gotten back on to show him he doesn't win by bucking me off but my injuries didn't allow that.
What do I do? Do I give up on him? Do I look elsewhere?
Should I go ahead and pay for the vet check to see if pain could be an issue with him?
How can I ever feel comfortable riding him again?
This is my 4th significant horse related injury in 3 years. Part of the reason I am so upset right now is I have to wonder how much blame falls on me for getting hurt. Did I do something wrong today? How can something I love to do so much end up causing me so much pain?
I am sorry for rambling on...i hurt so bad and I am so sad. I really don't know where to go from here.