I dont know what to do : (
Ok, um, well this is taking alot for me to do couse, I don't know if anyone who goes to my stables is on this forum, but....i don't really have a choice couse im not happy.
My spirit has been broken. And it is hard to brake.
When I first started there it was great, I didnt even care that noone talked to me couse I would just sit with the horses, my instructor would take my lessons and tell me that I've done well and yeah you can get the picture.
Every now and then people talk to me, but its pretty rare.
But, its gotten too much.
Now, I work there every day, besides wednesdays which I greatfull for becouse of the brake, I do it for free, I run around taking little kids lessons none of then say thank you, I clean the stables, I rake the stables, I rug and saddle and everything the horses, I do water buckets, I pick up manure in the field without and argue (there are only a few who do so without complaining) I respect the horses and they like me, but, noone lets me near the one I admire the most, and if I am near him, they come in and overtake. I put up with people constantly telling me what to do, telling me I am doing everything wrong, and I am someone with a small temper, but I don't even argue. Noone thanks me for what I do ( I know its better to give than reseve, but, a thankyou here and there would be great) I pay for lessons, and some of the people who work there are there like once or twice a week and they don't pay, resantly (i thought that becouse they were paying that mabe I don't have to so I told my mother to bring the money just incase if the ask for it) then my instructor goes you ow me $60 so im like ok ill bring it next lesson then the next lesson she goes you ow me $100, mum was furias, she had to use her christmas money to pay her : (
Then yesterday I just felt, brocken, like there was now spirit left for the job, like I wasnt conected to the horse I admire becouse I am hardly alone with him, I couldnt bebothered with anone so I just went into the stable and did everything I could to acupy myself like cleaning and rakeing and waterbucketing, then I got introuble for puting the hose away in the wrong way!
My instructor called me and said I could have a free ride on a different horse who I have trouble riding.
I can trot and everything on her, but I can't canter her.
It became to much, there is only one person who is nice to me and that's the other instructor, and I cryed sitting on that horse. I felt like I couldnt ride.
What do I do? :(
I wont to stay for the horses sake, but, it feels like nooone likes me :'(
Sorry for the long message, its ok if you don't read it.