So, in these past few months I've noticed that my confidence and my abilities have been suffering. It started about the time my stud horse Jester started pulling lame more often. He started getting pissy and threw me once, then the next time I was riding in a backyard reining show and I asked for a flying change and he stumbled and nearly fell on top of me. I felt so bad and haven't done anything on him since to give him time to heal, but even with the other horses I have been very unsure.
It not so much that I'm afraid of the horses, its just that I think I'm going to do something wrong and in turn it happens. Especially with Rebel, being the new addition to the barn. He's so unpredictable because I don't know very much about him yet and he's hotter than my other horses or the ones I ride at Toni's. And with every mistake I make my confidence just plumets even more. And even when I ride Annie, the one I would trust with my life, I still am having these problems. I'm naturally nervous and had gotten better at it, but now I'm not so sure. I know I need to ride more but sometimes I'm just too afraid to go out, and when I do go out I either end up feeling so much better or so much worse. If it goes badly, I know its my fault. I know the problem is all me, and the horse has done nothing wrong. Situations I once knew how to handle now send my mind into a panic because I can't think straight.
How is it this is happening, when I used to react without even thinking about it and never once got nervous? And its not like what happened with Jester was the first time I'd fallen or the first time I'd experienced something that scared me. Could it be that it was just because it was Jester? He's the best horse I've very had and we are very close....he was the first horse our ranch bred and we are the same age and share the same birthday. I grew up and learned to ride on him from the time he was broke to now when he's middle-aged and on his midlife crisis. ( )
That was long.....cookies if you read it all ....... =/