But I'm enjoying it!!! And I feel horrible about it!!!!
Okay so as some of you know.....I have Phantom, who I am head over heels in love with!! He's my baby boy and I can't imagine my life without him but....I feel like (and everyone else has too) I have gone as far as I can with him so I started to ride my friend's reining trained(I trained Phantom myself) fast, amazing turning QH. He is taking me so much farther than I ever thought I could go! Which is wonderful!!!! But I feel so bad because I know what to expect from Phantom's runs now (for barrels in between a 30 and a 25 is his consistent and has been the passed year and a half) and T.C's runs are so much more challenging and interesting and different every time which I love. I feel like I am gravitating away from Phantom...I still LOVE HIM UNCONTIONALLY but it's like I don't find myself as excited for riding him in the arena anymore....I could trail ride him all day or play around but in the shows it's different....I can ride him around outside the arena and have sooooo much fun but when I go through the shoot it's like "okay another 28 sec run coming right up." .....Ugh I really don't know what to do ...because I feel so bad for Phantom but I love riding TC (BTW I do ride Phantom waaay more than TC at home.) I know people say animals don't have "feelings" but they definitely do.... and I can see in Phantom's eyes when he is confused, scared, upset, or excited. I think his age is catching with him we think he is 23 maybe even older because now he never really gets the excited looks at the shows anymore and I feel like he isn't really trying anymore. I get so upset because I get really excited about a run on TC but then when I run Phantom it's like it's lost it's spark....it's like oh same old same old. I feel like I'm letting Phantom down when I don't get uber excited about our runs but they are just so......predictable. I feel underhorsed on Phantom and just right on T.C.
I want to advance in my riding but I don't want to feel like I'm "cheating" on Phantom cause if I feel like that I can't enjoy my runs on TC...but then again if I enjoy my runs on TC then I feel bad because I didn't enjoy them as much with Phantom. UGH this is a never-ending circle of confusion. **headdesk**
UGH I am so sorry this is a novel but I needed to get it off my chest.
I really don't know what advice I need but I do know that I need some. I guess what would you do if you were me? Is this wrong? Why do I feel like this? Should I stop riding T.C. And focus on Phantom more?
Any advice or something is greatly appreciated.
**Homemade Candy and/or Caramel apples to anyone who finishes this!!
Here's a short vid to show both horses in the same event on the same night.