I've posted a couple times in other areas of the magical horse-forum-dom, but I just had a really bad ride yesterday (but in retrospect was probably a very good ride) on my 13 year old mare, I just started training her western pleasure and trying to get her to slow down and relax.
Now for a bit of background, I used to be a fantastic rider, you put me on the worst horses and they would be whinnying my name after one day. My instructors said I had a real fined tuned ability to feel what the horse was doing and was about to do. So my first big fall happened during a lesson and I was trying to pick up the canter on this big OTTB, he was flat out refusing to canter and I could feel his back tighten up real bad like he was in pain, I asked the riding instructor if we could stop because I didn't feel like he was going to do it, her reply was to just kick him because he was being a butt, so I did and I was thrown over his head. That day I got out of that stables because I wanted to move somewhere where I could actually progress in my training (we were in a big rut) little did I know I would not find another place to ride for 6 months. When I finally got back, I was helping a woman break her 7 year old arab, so we would have me just sit on him to get used to people on his back (can you see where this is going?) so one day he took me for a bronco ride and 3 weeks later I bought my first trail horse. She was really good on the trail and got my confidence up some at the walk but then she crowhopped one day and I got super freaked out and did not ride her for a year. We did mostly groundwork which got my training confidence up a little but I still couldn't ride. To sum up the very end I worked with several trainers to get my confidence up via lunging and training again. Now I can actually ride my horse faster than a walk, she even crowhopped a couple of times at the jog and I sat through it and got her to stop. And we've started working on the canter recently, she really has a kicking up problem but we've been working on it.
Now my trouble arises from a few days ago, normally me and my girl are super in sync with each other but recently (after I got a bunch of stress from school and couldn't ride her for a week) she and I are just totally disconnected, she'll swing her hip out when we stop, she bends the wrong way, I can barely sit, and she's started snorting and dipping her head down fast like "I'm on drugs! I'm on drugs!!" all of this coupled together is making me feel like I have no confidence again! I'm scared to even put my leg on her again! Its so frustrating and I don't think theres a horse at my barn I can ride to get my confidence up before I ride my horse. What is wrong with me?!