I was so out of line.
I am so upset with myself.
It was a normal day and I went out to see my horse to ride. All went well and I tacked him up and took him out to the indoor. I got in and realized the BO texted me and asked me to turn the feed room light on for the feed guy. I don't know what in the world I was thinking, but I started walking to the barn, with my horse standing in the arena. The only motive I really can surmise is the fact that it was raining, and I really didn't want to make him trudge back through the mud and get my saddle wet. I had done this I think twice before, and I trust him. He is always good. Well, I'm so stupid for doing this because what does he do, but roll, with all my tack on. I walk back in and hes down at the other end, with broken reins hanging down and the saddle full of dirt. BUT mind you, on the way back, my ipod falls out of my pocket, and into the mud puddles. I am FURIOUS, and can't find it because it's now submerged in 2" of water, and it's pitch black. I shine my phone light to try to find it, and what happens? My phone falls out of my hand, into the puddle. I could have just about killed someone.. So after all this, I go in there to find my horse like that and I took off his tack and just freaked out. I chased him around for a good 2 minutes, and I could tell he was scared, but I just kept chasing. I finally just broke down and sat in the middle bawling. He was there and I took advantage of him. I took my anger out on my poor creature. I couldn't believe how one mistake could just cause everything to turn to crap. I felt bad because I didn't know if either of my devices were working, I couldn't believe I had been so dumb to leave my horse unattended, but most of all, I couldn't believe I had betrayed my best friend only because I was mad. He just stood there for a while, watching me. Then he came over to me and let me hug him. I am crying just thinking about it. Why should he forgive me so quickly when I just probably reversed his trust?
I love him so much, and I let him know it after that. I just sat there with him for a long time, talking to him and hugging him. He followed me around the arena as I looked for the pieces of the reins, trying to cheer me up by nudging me. Later, I got on him for our ride and it went so nicely. He really is my best friend. He's always there for me, and he always listens to everything I have to say. Why did I let anger overcome that? I am so upset with myself. I just needed to share. :'(