Someone please help me! =( I sold Lola about an hour ago for 200 euro...To be honest I do not care about the price I would have given her away to a good home for nothing. But I sold her to a man who will try to sell her on and if not then I do not know what will happen to her..So why am I feeling like I have done so terrible to sell her for so little?! Why am I crying my eyes out if I did not enjoy riding her. To me there is no point owning a horse if you cannot or do not want to ride it...I obviously loved her very much in other ways but just riding her was a chore. I never liked doing it. She is to much of a challenge for me.
I am finding it so hard to type this because every time I think about what I did I feel unbelievably bad. I feel bad for her. What if something horrible happens to her?! At least she was happy with me. Can someone please help to realise she does not understand! She will not see the difference in me and someone else... She could find a great home!
Or is it just because I have made the most stupid decision of my life? I regret it so much already and I just want her back! Does it feel that way the whole time even if you know they are not right for you? I hated that I have given up and people hate me for deciding to give up...
So today was another typical friday. I went into work, brought lola in and fed her. I did not want to ride her because I rode her yesterday and she was spooking at everything.. Then work began...On fridays there is a showjumping league so it was busy. The jumping started and I forgot about lola even though it was always in my head that I wanted her gone in the next few days. Then the potential buyer said he could not buy her because he had nowhere to put her. That was a big blow..I really wanted her to go to him...So since he was not buying her I decided to try another man. He is the type of man who will take in young horses, train them then sell them on. So he was very reluctant to take lola which is why he only offered 200. She is 10 and a mare so he really did not want that. Then everyone left and he told me to decide if I wanted to agree or not. I said I would wait until next week and think about it. But I was thinking maybe I should just get rid of her. So I said fine as long as nobody knows the price. So he went and got the trailer ready. I loaded her. I really do not know how I held back the tears at this stage but it was very hard. I didn't even say goodbye..I couldn't look at her...It must mean I made a stupid mistakes ='(...So then he gives me the money and leaves. I just about make it hope before I burst out crying in my room. Then I come on here because I need to know what other people think..Has anyone else had the same experience? How long is it going to take for me to get over it...I am not going to be able to face anyone now because if they ask I will keep crying! There is actually no need for me to go to the yard now because she is gone..I can only go now for work...
And my friends who have helped me with Lola and made her better are going to hate me. Like I said they were already giving out, saying I was giving up because I was thinking of selling her. It was hard to explain why I just didn't want her. I could really use their support but I know I am not going to get it..
I am meant to go look at a horse on monday but I just cannot even imagine replacing her. I feel so guilty. I just cannot believe how stupid I am..I am more than likely never going to see her again..
I am going to have to stop now or I could go on forever, I am sorry for this very long post but I needed to get it out. ='(