Well, let me start this off by saying that I don't have access to lessons as often as I would like due to where I live, my parents being busy dairy farmers, and not having trainers that come to you. But I DO get lessons when and where I can, the latest being a 3 day course last week.
Up until then I always went to watch the clinics because I couldn't take my horse and figured I would learn something by watching and listening anyway, and every single course they have LOADS of stirrupless work, fair enough, it's important I know... My problem??
-I can't ride stirrupless to save my life anymore... Whaaaaat? I used to ride my old mare bareback and bridleless over jumps with no problems, I can sit the trot and ride without my legs on my gelding, but as soon as I drop my stirrups... Not happening. Something happens and I really don't know what, because as far as I can tell I'm still relaxed and in my normal position, but all of a sudden my horse speeds up while I'm losing my balance in the trot and holding on for dear life while trying to get him to slow down... So I must be doing something, but I can't consciously feel what that something is!
-So, because of this happening EVERY SINGLE TIME, my confidence with stirrupless is currently 6ft under, and I'm too scared to even try cantering stirrupless because I'm worried about having to deal with the trot that always comes after canter... My gelding is an ex-racehorse, and has been off the track now for 2.5 years, and with me for nearly 2 of those years.
Just as luck would have it, we weren't asked to do any stirrupless work during the 3 days of the clinic, but during those 3 days my confidence in general really plummeted, I rode like complete and utter crap the entire time, and I ride so much better at home and I know that I do! I don't know what happened and now I feel like such a horrible owner and rider, I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to own a horse because for the first day I don't even know how many times I slammed onto my horses back and mouth unintentionally, and that is something I never do, EVER. (He will be getting a muscle release therapy session as a thankyou for not taking advantage of me within the next few weeks)
I should probably add that I have severe anxiety among other problems, just in general. I also have scoliosis and one side of my pelvis is smaller, and rotated forwards, so I'm built pretty crooked and always have been.
Bit of a rant I suppose, but any tips of building my confidence with stirrupless work? I need to do it and I know I do, but at the moment I feel like such a crap rider with my stirrups I don't even want to bother trying without them.
At the course
What the hell happened there seriously. Ugh, it's 11pm on a school night and I'm sitting here in utter disbelief about how my riding managed to go from the bottom picture (taken on the sunday) to the top pictures (taken on the monday.
Cookies to anybody who actually read all of that, everythings going wrong in every aspect horsey and non horsey right now