On Saturday my trainer/instructor took me out to look at a horse for sale. I have looked at a lot of different horses and this one was just like the rest. No ground manners and the owner was fighting to control him under saddle.
I consider myself still a beginner rider, and was not comfortable getting on the horse. Well my trainer pushed me to get on anyways, and the horse ran away with me. I was cueing the horse to go down the driveway and he whips completely around and starts running behind someone's house. I had to plow rein with all my might to get back to a safe place. While on him I over heard the owner say that he has ONLY bucked a handful of times. I instantly had a flashback to when I got bucked off by my qh and got terrified. I pushed the horse to stop, his owner came over and grabbed his bridle.
I was about to swing my leg over to dismount when my trainer walks up and grabs my leg. She would not let me off this horse. He was throwing his head and I could feel his back tensing. The trainer started to yell at me and said that I needed to be a stronger rider and that the horse was feeding off my fear. I know she is right, but this was not the place.
We knew nothing about this horse besides what its owner said. I fought with my trainer for over 5 minutes to get her to let go of my leg. It was so overwhelming I started to ball my eyes out while still in saddle. I have terrible anxiety and have to take medication daily.
I guess I am not sure what to do at this point. I know I need to build confidence, but I'm not sure how. Any ideas?
P.s. I know I am a dork for crying.