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My riding instructor/barn owner is downright horrible.

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    02-12-2010, 03:15 PM
  #21
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Speed Racer    
Apparently it IS too much to ask for this woman to be civil. You knew years ago when you boarded there that she was a shrew, and yet somehow you think she's going to change now because you want her to? That's her MO and personality, and you are not going to change it.

If you're not being treated civilly by someone you're paying for a service, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE YOU WILL BE. Why is that so hard for you to understand?

The image I'm getting is of someone who sees a less expensive lease than anywhere else, and instead of realizing that the situation is impossible and only going to result in grief and ulcers, expects things to just magically work out.
That's not at all what I think. I'm not that naive. If I thought that it would "magically work out" why would I be asking for people's advice about how to deal with her? Isn't it obvious that I plan to make an active effort to try to work it out myself rather than just let it work itself out? My original question was how to deal with her because, lets face it, this economy is terrible and sometimes the cheapest, but most difficult option is the only option (money is more important now than ever before). I'm a university student with a car to run. I need to be realistic. If I want to lease (and I do) I might just have to put up with her (or work something out with her, which is what I want). Either that or no leasing for me. And think about it, if you had the choice of leasing a horse for 120 or 220, and you had limited funds, which would you chose?
And even if she won't budge on the month limit, would you rather pay 360 or 660 for 3 months?

This really is the best option for me, I just want advice on how to deal with her so she doesn't ruin it for me, even on how to approach her about it if it keeps happening.
If I can't work it out with her, I won't be able to keep going there, This is supposed to be fun after all.

"Oh, and titling your thread, "My riding instructor/barn owner is downright horrible." doesn't put you in the best of light, either."

So how would you react if you had just met someone, was as friendly as could be to them, only to be insulted and belittled for no reason???
I don't deserve to be treated that way, and having been subjected to it, I now have the right to be upset about it. Oh and paying for the joy of it too just added insult to injury.

This is a business like any other. How would you feel walking into a restaurant and being insulted and yet still have to pay full price, AND tip? You have horribly low self-esteem if you think you deserve to be treated like that.
     
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    02-12-2010, 03:53 PM
  #22
Yearling
Stables are a private business. This BO is entitled to run it however she chooses, and is entitled to treat her customers however she wants. As the customer, it is your choice to give her your business and put up with it, or you can choose to do business somewhere else. Should you choose to go into a business arrangement with her (leasing or lessons), then you are walking into this with your eyes open and really can't complain about her attitude. It sounds to me as though you are trying to do something that you really can't afford to do, and are trying to make this arrangement suit your situation. There's obviously a reason this barn is so much cheaper than the rest. You get what you pay for.
     
    02-12-2010, 04:02 PM
  #23
mls
Trained
Quote:
Originally Posted by Speed Racer    
Leasing is about bringing in money for the horse owner, and if you're unable to sign a contract for more than a month at a time, you're a liability. I'd never lease a horse under those circumstances, either.


Based on everything I'd say cut your losses, find another barn, forget about leasing for now, and just ride lesson horses until you're in a more financially secure position.
Also - a one month lease - you don't really know the horse and the horse doesn't know you. As a re-rider it's going to take longer than 30 days to 'click'.

I agree - find another barn. People can mellow with age, experience. However it doesn't sound as though this person has.
     
    02-12-2010, 04:19 PM
  #24
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzy    
I have recently moved barns to one that's closer to me. I used to ride at this barn about 7 or 8 years ago and I had to leave, partly because the owner was a horrible, HORRIBLE person (and partly because at the end of it all I was being taught by 15 year olds, who were still students themselves, which didn't impress me). Well, I thought that now i'm a proper adult maybe things will be different, boy was I wrong. She didn't remember me at all, but right from the get go, the FIRST meeting, she was horrible. She's most definitely up on her high horse (pun intended ).
Anyone would have thought that she was trying to provoke me into an all out fight she was so rude...all this, and in our first meeting. I didn't do or say anything to provoke this, yet she was so rude. It was as though she downright hated me, making snide, horrible comments and being outright condescending. It was almost unbelievable. She's actually known for being like this, but hell, i ride horses for fun. I'm not going to come here and PAY for fun, only to be shouted at and being made to feel like an idiot, which is how she made me feel.

I haven't had a lesson with her yet, but as another peson told me "she doesn't suffer fools". And here I am, only just starting to ride again after a VERY long break. I'm basically a beginner again. I AM going to make mistakes and my legs will NOT be strong enough yet.... I don't think i'll be able to handle her attitude... but the thing is, my options are limited.

This barn is the closest one to me, and that's not all. I plan to lease a horse in the summer, and her prices are the best. She's looking for around 100-150 per month (probably 120 for what i'd be looking for) and the other barn that's 40 minutes away from me where I had 3 lessons would be asking 220.
But it's not that easy. She has a limit on leasing horses, meaning that if I lease, it has to be at 3 month long intervals. Thing is, I would never be able to afford that. I could only ever do one month at a time to allow me to budget for the next month. In other words, if I were to lease for one month, come the end of that month I MAY be able to lease for a futher month, and come the end of THAT month I MAY be able to do the third month. There's no way i'd be able to commit to 3 months right off the bat. Because of this I need to feel that I can negotiate with her, therefore I can't exactly go around fighting with her, bumping heads and burning bridges (one of her employees hinted that if she knew me and we got along I could do it month by month). But she's just SO horrible and abrasive that it kind of defeats my aim of going there to have FUN.

How do I deal with this character?? I have no idea where to start. I don't want to be walked all over and being treated like an idiot but I can't be constantly fighting with her either if I am to get what I want...

Can anyone help?
Hello Dizzy. I selected the parts in your OP that I will address.

1. Sounds like you will be paying to be yelled at and made to feel like an idiot. Which leads me into ....

2. How qualified an instructor is this lady? Does she know her stuff and can she effectively instruct a rider? Let's say she is a guru of riding correctly and effectively. Her manner of imparting this knowledge seems to hinder how effective it will be for you. So that leads me into ....

3. You need to have a very adult and honest talk with her.
Ask what her expectations are of her students and after listening carefully and not defensively, outline your expectations of an effective instructor to her. Common courtesy, respect. Whatever it is that you need to be able to focus on what is being relayed without being complicated and hindered by fear of being yelled at and humiliated. This woman intimidates you. You need to find out why. Is it a combination of her being excellent in knowledge but lacking "saddle side" manners?

You are an adult. Stand up for yourself. Doesn't have to be a showdown at O.K. Corral, but a calm but firm discussion of expectations on both sides.

Good luck to you, hope it works out. I seriously doubt this lady will change, so it will be you that has to find a way to suck it up and get what you need out of this arrangement.
     
    02-12-2010, 04:27 PM
  #25
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyperch    
Stables are a private business. This BO is entitled to run it however she chooses, and is entitled to treat her customers however she wants. As the customer, it is your choice to give her your business and put up with it, or you can choose to do business somewhere else. Should you choose to go into a business arrangement with her (leasing or lessons), then you are walking into this with your eyes open and really can't complain about her attitude. It sounds to me as though you are trying to do something that you really can't afford to do, and are trying to make this arrangement suit your situation. There's obviously a reason this barn is so much cheaper than the rest. You get what you pay for.
I actually can afford to do it, but think about it, would you rather pay 120 or 220 if you can help it? I need to save for my tuition fees and my car's insurance and tax too, so I need to be careful.

But really, how hard is it to be civil? Not even asking for friendly, just civil.
She's driven away so many customers already, you'd think she'd wise up and figure out what's best for her business. Maybe then she'd get fewer complaints and more customers.
     
    02-12-2010, 04:47 PM
  #26
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzy    
I actually can afford to do it, but think about it, would you rather pay 120 or 220 if you can help it? I need to save for my tuition fees and my car's insurance and tax too, so I need to be careful.

But really, how hard is it to be civil? Not even asking for friendly, just civil.
She's driven away so many customers already, you'd think she'd wise up and figure out what's best for her business. Maybe then she'd get fewer complaints and more customers.
Would I rather pay 120 or 220? I would rather pay more for respect and sound instruction. She might know her stuff, but if she can't teach you with respect and understanding, you aren't going to learn what you need to learn. It will be a waste of money.

I think it is really important to realize that you CANNOT change her. Sure, her attitude is pretty crappy, but you cannot change that, so if you cannot bear it, this will not work out. It sounds like she has a bad attitude and it is affecting her business. That should be a warning. Take heed. If several other people have left because of her personality, then she obviously hasn't learned, nor does she have any intention of learning. If you're dead set on staying at this barn, be prepared. Even a mature, respectful conversation could end up causing you grief. If she regularly mocks students while in the saddle, telling her you don't want that is probably more likely to cause her to do it more than to cause her to stop.

This is something that hasn't been mentioned, but your own animal will be in her care, right? If you have grief or stress between you, will that have an affect on her care of your animal?

It sounds to me like this is where you want to stay, despite all the red flags. You've had a lot of good advice, but I'm not sure this person is a person who will or wants to change. Your money would probably better be spent at a different barn, but only you can really make that choice.
     
    02-12-2010, 05:14 PM
  #27
Trained
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzy    
I actually can afford to do it, but think about it, would you rather pay 120 or 220 if you can help it? I need to save for my tuition fees and my car's insurance and tax too, so I need to be careful.

But really, how hard is it to be civil? Not even asking for friendly, just civil.
She's driven away so many customers already, you'd think she'd wise up and figure out what's best for her business. Maybe then she'd get fewer complaints and more customers.
Apparently it's very hard for this woman to be civil and it seems as if she really doesn't care what it does to her business. The ONLY thing you can do about it is leave and don't come back. I think this quote applies pretty well "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." You cannot force people to change. Who knows she may actually enjoy treating people like this.

I would rather pay the extra money and enjoy the stress free atmosphere that the other place provides. Look at it this way. Your paying extra money for the nice atmosphere, a lot like going to a nice restaurant. Those high prices are just for the food.
     
    02-12-2010, 05:19 PM
  #28
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fowl Play    
Would I rather pay 120 or 220? I would rather pay more for respect and sound instruction. She might know her stuff, but if she can't teach you with respect and understanding, you aren't going to learn what you need to learn. It will be a waste of money.

I think it is really important to realize that you CANNOT change her. Sure, her attitude is pretty crappy, but you cannot change that, so if you cannot bear it, this will not work out. It sounds like she has a bad attitude and it is affecting her business. That should be a warning. Take heed. If several other people have left because of her personality, then she obviously hasn't learned, nor does she have any intention of learning. If you're dead set on staying at this barn, be prepared. Even a mature, respectful conversation could end up causing you grief. If she regularly mocks students while in the saddle, telling her you don't want that is probably more likely to cause her to do it more than to cause her to stop.

This is something that hasn't been mentioned, but your own animal will be in her care, right? If you have grief or stress between you, will that have an affect on her care of your animal?

It sounds to me like this is where you want to stay, despite all the red flags. You've had a lot of good advice, but I'm not sure this person is a person who will or wants to change. Your money would probably better be spent at a different barn, but only you can really make that choice.
I'm not dead set on staying there, after all, i'm a reasonable person. But will all it's financial up-sides i'm at least prepared to give it a good try. If after a month or so she doesn't show me that I can stand to be there and in contact with her I will be gone and i'll just have to save up for the other barns.

OR

I'll get all my lessons at the other barn, and when i'm ready, i'll lease from her in the summer. I will just make a concentrated effort into saving up for the full 3 month lease so I don't have to even try to talk to her, since she's just impossible to have an adult, civil conversation with it seems. I can just get the best of both worlds this way, good lessons and friendly staff from the other barn, and cheap leasing from her barn. Then I can ride my leased horse without ever having to see her.

Do you think that would be a good idea?
     
    02-12-2010, 05:24 PM
  #29
Trained
Personally, I wouldn't set foot in her place. Even if I could avoid talking to her as much as possible. I avoid people who are nasty to me for no reason. I'd pay the extra to lease a horse from a place with a good attitude AND people I enjoy riding with.

Or try Kevinhorses's or Walkamiles's approaches after you get money saved up for 3 mnth lease. Before you pay her that is. Good luck.
     
    02-12-2010, 05:35 PM
  #30
Foal
This instructor doesn't like the one for you at all! But you said th eother barn is 40minutes away, going that far everyday would cost quite a bit just to get there. Couldn't you just keep your horse at this stable but bring in your own instructor? I know one that comes to your stables to work with you & your horse. Just do whichever way you enjoy the most, if you don't have enough money then you could always loan a horse instead.
     

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