Overcoming fear after a fall
I got my horse, Wildfire, 2 weeks ago. Before I bought him I had ridden him about 5 times and he did really well. The day after I brought him to his new home I tried to ride him. I wasn't going to go faster than a walk, I just wanted to take a relaxing walk around the trail. He had other ideas. He started sidestepping and backing up really fast and trying to ram me into a fence. I was able to calm him down enough to dismount and I decided that I wouldn't try to ride him again until I had a trainer come out. So a few days ago a trainer came out and we worked with him and established that it would be safe to ride him since she would be right there. He was a perfect angel (of course). Yesterday he was in a really sweet mood and I thought "ok. I can do this." and I took my time tacking him up and he was really calm the whole time. I got on him and he immediately moved into a trot. I was able to slow him down for a few seconds but then it's like he turned into a totally different horse. He started cantering and was headed straight towards the barn. I knew I was going to fall at some point and I decided it would be better to just fall onto the ground rather than waiting for the roof of the barn to force me off. I broke my fall with my arm, and I'm really lucky that my head didn't hit the ground at all. However, my leg hit really hard and I'm pretty sure Wildfire stepped on it. I don't remember a whole lot other than it was really scary and it really hurt. My leg was killing me but I got up because I was worried Wildfire might have hurt himself. He was walking kind of funny for a few minutes, but then he seemed okay so I just groomed him and turned him out so he could rest. After that I went to the ER and it turns out I frayed the muscle in my calf, and i've got some lovely bruises.
I'm not supposed to be walking around but I'm still going to go see Wildfire today to make sure he's okay and to let him know that i'm not mad.
Even though I know I still love him, I'm having a really hard time with all this. It's just so discouraging to work so hard with him and think you're making progress and then something like this happens. Especially since I don't know why he's doing it. He was fine when the trainer was standing there, and I didn't do anything different yesterday. Even if I can't ride him, I still love being around him. I'm just confused and frustrated and I'm actually kind of scared of him now. The fall was really painful, but it could have been sooooo much worse. And thinking about that scares me. When we (my mom and I) were driving home last night, my anxiety was really bad because every time we turned a corner or went from a red light to a green light I kept feeling like I was on Wildfire and he was taking off. And I had nightmares last night about the whole thing. I feel really silly that I'm letting it affect me this much. It was just a fall. But it was my first fall.
Do you guys have any advice?