I don't care how other people ride and I won't say a word unless they ask or a horrible accident is about to happen or happening and I can save someone from an injury(even ask my husband! LOL!) I think that is the polite thing to do. Unfortunately Gunslinger, the folks you rode with recently felt the need to push their ideas onto you and your wife rather than just enjoying the ride. But if asked I will give my unprofessional advice and opinion.
I do strive to improve my position and way of handling my horses because I like bettering myself and helping my horses get better. Some of it is show related but some of it not. I like a horse that feels effortless under saddle in the show pen, branding pen or outside. But I am not one to shove it down someones throat if they ride with me and I hope I would receive the same respect.(unless it was a work situation of course)
I'm in no means opposed to lessons, but do believe experience is often the best teacher.
In the case of young ladies who don't have the means to support themselves much less a horse they can still enjoy riding without taking lessons. Yea, they might not live their dream of winning an Olympic gold medal, but they can still dream, and enjoy the ride as well.
Like I've said before, I drive every day but I'll never race in the Daytona 500. Most people won't either.