Sfo frustrated... need advise - The Horse Forum
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 07:05 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 79
• Horses: 1
Sfo frustrated... need advise

Well ive got a 12 year old gelding that i ride western for pleasure and trail. Ive been really feeling like we are clashing and fighting alot lately. Hes very stubborn and more on the lazy side and is always tryingt o get out of work. I have been having some health issues for the last year and alot of stress and he is meant to be therapy and an escape for me but all hes doing lately is making me more stressed. I love him to death and feel so strongly towards same but we dont sem to have that bond ive always wanted with a horse. I really dont want to sell him but if i leave feeling worse then i did when i started i dont really have a choice. We have a love hate relationship and i either leave feeling thrilled and happy or frustrated and annoyed. So Im wondering what everyones input is as to what to do? stick it out or try and sell him and get a different horse, he is my first horse and so im attached but im kinda at a loss for what to do. So im hoping to get some kind words or reassurance that this is just a phase and we can work through it or whatever you think :)

~"There is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse."
ringosmomma is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 07:13 PM
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 539
• Horses: 0
The 'bond' you are searching for is probably not going to be found by selling and getting another horse. Magical bonds like you see in movies are not common at all. Heck, we have 6 horses right now, and even with my personal ones, the only 'bond' we have is one of mutual trust and respect, and especially when they see someone coming with the grain scoop. Then they're all my best friends I have never met someone who has had a deep connection with their horse that goes farther than good training - the only place I've heard of it, besides movies, is here on the internet.

I wouldn't give up on your horse just yet unless you're really miserable with him. Do you work with a trainer or anyone experienced that can give you hands-on help with the problems you're having? Again, unless you really feel hopeless and at a loss, I would stick it out. I went through a lot of heartache and a lot of trouble with my first horse as I learned the basics. It gets easier as you go - just keep pushing forwards.

"The problem with quotes on the internet is that many are not genuine." -Abraham Lincoln
pintophile is offline  
post #3 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 07:14 PM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,689
• Horses: 0
Before getting rid of him, I'd approach a good trainer in your area.
mildot is offline  
post #4 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 07:14 PM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The sandbox
Posts: 5,573
• Horses: 0
Do you have the option to ride with a trainer? This may be the way to go since you don't really want to sell him and he is your first horse, so maybe you could use some outside advice on how to deal with him.
rob likes this.

COWCHICK77 is offline  
post #5 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 08:06 PM
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MD
Posts: 23,907
• Horses: 2
momma, first of all never ever take what horse does (or doesn't) personally. Horses are not humans and "relations" are different in their understanding.

If you have a knowledgeable horsey friend you could ask him/her to come out and help/teach you to deal with the horse on ground. Also lessons do wonder for the relations with the horse. Good luck!
DrumRunner and Cintillate like this.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass: it's about learning to dance in the rain..."

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."
kitten_Val is offline  
post #6 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 08:41 PM
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 6,166
• Horses: 5
Maybe you have some expectations that as a "therapy" horse / experience it is always supposed to be a positive experience. Well, if you want that to be the case 90% of the time, then all you can do is go out and visit him in the paddock, give him a treat, pet him. Then go sit on a rock and watch him. If you are going to do ANYTHING with a horse, there will be good days and bad days. If your expectation is too high, the comedown on a less than stellar day seems like a huge issue.

My horse is my therapy as well. But all I expect to get out of every single trip to the barn is peace away from other people, my work, the house -- basically everything that isn't at the barn. So I'm just as happy shovelling poop as going for a ride. I ALWAYS get what I expected.
Northernstar likes this.
NorthernMama is offline  
post #7 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 08:42 PM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: nj
Posts: 2,289
• Horses: 0
don't give up :) some of the best things are worth fighting for and i personally think a horse can grow a mutual bond of trust and respect with anyone who asserts themself.
find a good horsey friend so you and your horse can grow and learn together as a pair. i wish you luck.
kait18 is offline  
post #8 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 09:04 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 16,846
• Horses: 1
Breathe. Try to think outside the box. Break things up for your horse. Leave emotions at the barn gate.
Northernstar likes this.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
Skyseternalangel is offline  
post #9 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 09:17 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 79
• Horses: 1
Well I've ridden all my life but never had the place or money to have my own but I Grew up riding with my uncle (team penner) although you still have a lot to learn when you have your own haha I've learned it's not all rainbows and lollipops if you will :P so I do know the plan of action I have to deal with his issues I just get frustrated sometimes. I also don't expect it to be amazing everytime and all that I'd just like to have a halfway decent ride most days. So I don't think I'm exspecting too much, and by therapy I mean just a place to get away from everything and enjoy myself which he is therapy to me but at times it's not enjoyable at all when he's just acting up so much. I think people misunderstood what I meant by therapy and bond which is my fault cause I didn't specify. But I'm gonna stick with it, because I have taught him a lot of things he didn't know and in that respect it's a lot more rewarding than if I just got a "perfect" horse (I know doesn't exsist but as close as you can get) and I do know the lessons that it teaches as far as patience and compassion and all the things you get from it and it's not always in a positive way. I'll just try and settle down keep my wits and stop taking everything so personally. I just get my feelings hurt is all
Posted via Mobile Device
Northernstar and kait18 like this.
ringosmomma is offline  
post #10 of 29 Old 01-19-2012, 09:52 PM
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,336
• Horses: 2
You know, I understand the the whole thing about bonds only happening in movies and such. But I really DO feel I bond with my horses.

I mean, if they didn't have a personality, I might as well be riding a bicycle, right?

Take my Mustang for instance. He was a super horse from the day I bought him. But he was standoff-ish. He did his "job" but didn't really seem to enjoy being around me. And that was okay, because ultimately the training is what makes him a great horse. But I've had him for about seven years now and he has gotten so sweet. He nickers everytime he sees me. Lets me hug him, and just genuinely seems to be fond of me. We still have a horse/human relationship, but it is so much more than it was when I bought him. When I first bought him he didn't want to be caught and certainly didn't want hugs!

I bought another horse that was the same way. Well trained but kind of skittish like he never had positive human contact. He turned in to a snuggle muffin too.

So I dunno. I do feel I have a bond with my horses.

That's another thing. I think sometimes "we" (as humans) are always looking for perfection. And if the slightest thing goes wrong we take it personally like the horse is defying our authority or something. I try not to take it personally.

I rarely have a less-than-perfect day riding. It's not that my horses are perfect. Far from it. Sometimes my mare won't even WALK home on a trail ride! But I guess I just have fun with her the way she is, don't take it personally, and have fun riding even if the horse isn't perfect. I always try for good behavior, but if I don't get it, I don't get upset by it. I just go with the flow, and some days are better than others. But any day on horseback comes out feeling good.

Sometimes I see people get all tense and mad at their horse and I don't know why they can't just let it slide and enjoy the ride. Even if the horse is high strung. Riding should be fun, right?

But I can relate to the bad feelings too, because I have a yearling that drives me bonkers sometimes, and I just have to step back and tell myself to relax and not take it personal. He's a horse that has been on this planet less than two years. My other horses have been here close to 20, so of course they are better behaved.

Anyway, it could be that you and this horse just don't mesh personality wise. But I would not say that bonds don't exist. Maybe they don't exist in the way that The Black and Alec had a bond. Or maybe they do. Just because I haven't met them yet doesn't mean the aren't out there. But I DO feel I have a bond with my horses.

I don't think you have to give up on that feeling and say it doesn't exist. Maybe you just have to lower your expectations a bit.

One piece of advice a friend gave me one time is "respect before friendship." I was shopping for a horse and that is what I wanted, a horse to be my best friend.

My friend said I should look for a horse that respects me first, and that friendship would come later. And that's true. That horse ended up being my Mustang. We weren't friends at first. He was just a good, well trained, but not very friendly horse. Now he's a cuddle muffin. But I have had him and ridden him for 7 years now too.
Northernstar likes this.
trailhorserider is offline  

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Can anyone advise me ?? blackcob Horse Health 10 12-12-2011 06:28 AM
advise please:) Jessiica Horse Riding Critique 2 06-08-2011 11:17 AM
Getting a new dog, need some advise jules083 Farm Animals 8 03-04-2010 10:46 PM
advise? HoneyBun Horse Riding Critique 8 11-12-2009 02:16 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome