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Sfo frustrated... need advise

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    01-19-2012, 09:58 PM
  #11
Showing
Quote:
Originally Posted by trailhorserider    
You know, I understand the the whole thing about bonds only happening in movies and such. But I really DO feel I bond with my horses.

My friend said I should look for a horse that respects me first, and that friendship would come later. And that's true. That horse ended up being my Mustang. We weren't friends at first. He was just a good, well trained, but not very friendly horse. Now he's a cuddle muffin. But I have had him and ridden him for 7 years now too.
:) Same here, and wonderful that you guys stuck it out. My horse loved me wayyyyyy before I loved him. Infact he used to be my least favourite horse at the barn I was working at. But now I wouldn't trade him for the work. He can be quite the goofball.. but he loves to cuddle lol. It's weird cause I call him a muffin too o_O Muffin man, lol.
     
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    01-21-2012, 09:52 AM
  #12
Weanling
I was just wondering how long you have had him? He is twelve now and he had a least one previous owner, what was that like for him? Has he had time to adjust to new environment new rider and how much has he been ridden before? Is he out of shape how much time have you put on him? I personally feel that horses need time to adjust to new environment owner and changes. I do believe in a bond between horses or at least repect and not knowing about his previous experience it may be a trust issue. I wouln't be in a hurry to get rid of him unless you feel that it maybe a safety issue. I wish you the best of luck on your new horse.
     
    01-21-2012, 10:04 AM
  #13
Foal
I was going to ask how long you have had him too. It takes times, more time with some less with others. I too came so close to selling Hidalgo and Frisky, my 2nd and 3rd horse after my first one died. I was expecting them to be like my first horse. Now I can't let go of them and we are really close. With Hidalgo, I knew him since the day he was born so huge advantage but Frisky I didn't and she would kick and bite me hard. How we came to "love" each other? Time and getting to respect, trust and understand each other. I wouldn't say it came fast or easy. Others have offered good advice here. Like not taking it personally and maybe a trainer.
     
    01-21-2012, 11:35 AM
  #14
Showing
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyseternalangel    
:) Same here, and wonderful that you guys stuck it out. My horse loved me wayyyyyy before I loved him. Infact he used to be my least favourite horse at the barn I was working at. But now I wouldn't trade him for the work. He can be quite the goofball.. but he loves to cuddle lol. It's weird cause I call him a muffin too o_O Muffin man, lol.
LOL I meant for the world.. I sound like a pure nutter butter workaholic there.

But yes I agree with Cintillate. It takes a lot of time and it's worth sticking it out if you're up for it :)
     
    01-21-2012, 05:38 PM
  #15
Weanling
It sounds like maybe he needs some more training if he's trying to avoid work. He sounds like he's in the early stages where they test you to see if you are a pushover and believe me, if a horse can get out of work, they will try! Like others said, nothing personal against you.

But as for the bonding, I've seen it and it's beautiful when it happens. Honestly, the people I've seen it with are the ones who only have one horse and that horse is their buddy. My old trainer had it with her horse and my aunt has it. They are true riding partners and both of them have horses that adore them.
However, this came with time. It didn't happen in the first few months.
In fact, my aunt said she often had some buyer's remorse with her horse the first year.

A horse HAS to respect you though. If you are too nice and try to win their love, not only will they not respect you, but they actually seem to like you less. You're nothing more than the low horse in the herd.

Get a trainer's help, make that horse work for you (providing there are no physical issues holding him back of course) and give it time. But at the same time you are making him work and not letting him be lazy, you still have to find the pleasure and enjoyment out of the journey.

It's quite possible that this isn't the horse for you. And maybe selling him is the answer. Many times a person doesn't click with one horse but does with another. But it's also possible that you just need to tweak a few things and he will be your dream horse....in time.
     
    01-21-2012, 06:03 PM
  #16
Weanling
Here is a 2 1/2 minute video of a girl from Germany and her Icelandic horse. She has a lot of videos on youtube.

To me, this video is the prefect example of a horse/human bond. You can see the love, trust and respect between the two.

Here is another video of Jean-Francis Pignon. To me, he has the ultimate bond with his mares. They adore him and respect him like nobody's business.
To me, this is like the stuff you see in movies.
But I'm sure it takes years to get to this place.

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    01-21-2012, 06:17 PM
  #17
Weanling
Sorry here's the video with the Icelandic.

gunnilein1991's Channel - YouTube
     
    01-22-2012, 09:04 PM
  #18
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heelsdown    
sorry here's the video with the Icelandic.

gunnilein1991's Channel - YouTube
Hmm. What I see in both of those videos is not so much of a bond, as horses that are well trained. I guess to me a bond if more of an emotional connection to each other.

For instance, in the video above of the Icelandic, I would imagine that is a result of a good "join-up," correct? I have done the same things (only without obstacles) with my long yearling. In an inclosed area he will follow me around just like that. I can change directions, etc., and he will follow me at liberty. And yet I don't feel like we have a good relationship. He is pushy and always testing his limits. I don't know if I consider him to be bonded with me. But if this is what bonding is, then maybe there is hope for us and my expectations are too high. Because in the pen, he is almost just like the Icelandic. But he doesn't respect me outside the pen and I am often on the verge of giving up and calling us hopeless.

The first video is pretty amazing! But again, I see those as horses that have been well trained (and I would bet they were trained in the traditional way with tack) and now they are perfected to the point of performing without tack. And it is very amazing! I can't do this with my horses. But I don't know how much of that is "bond" and how much is just consistent training.

I guess it begs the question "What is a bond with a horse?" To me, it would be an emotional attachment that the horse really prefers to be with me and shows me friendship when in most normal circumstances the horse would choose to do something else. Ie, if a horse came to spend quiet time with you instead of grazing in a pasture. Or a horse would show you affection/friendship when they don't do that with anyone else. That is what I call a bond.

What do you guys consider a bond to be?
     
    01-22-2012, 09:35 PM
  #19
Showing
I agree with you trailhorserider. When your horse rather spend time with you in very normal situations. Where you both trust each other in new situations, like I know bareback can be very different for both horse and rider if you are used to riding in a saddle.
     
    01-22-2012, 11:02 PM
  #20
Weanling
I guess it's just interpretation because to me the videos are more than just well trained horses. I see horses that are bonded with their owner.

I think a bond is when you see a horse that is not just obeying because they are told, but a horse that wants to please its owner, wants to spend time with its owner, wants to be with its owner over other horses.

My trainer's horse loved her. I have no doubt. He was so lovable and affectionate toward her. He looked devastated if he saw her riding another horse. He'd follow her around like a puppy. You could see it in his eyes that he loved her.

I don't know why but so many horse people poo poo on this and always try to write it off as something else. "Oh he just wants a treat. His nuzzling isn't affection, he's scratching an itch" or something like that.

Some people don't feel that bond with their horses so they don't really get it. A horse is something they ride. They have multiple horses that they buy and sell all the time. Or their horses are there to perform a job. That's cool. Nothing wrong with it.

But to say "what is a bond" makes me think that if you have to ask, then you've never felt it. If you've bonded with a horse or any pet, you know what that bond is.

It reminds me of the hunters I know who have multiple hunting dogs. There is a respect between dog and owner, but not a bond. So the hunters don't "get" the bond people like me have with my dogs. I had one guy try to tell me that my dogs don't really love me. They just want food or them wanting me to pet them is really their way of dominating me. Whatever dude. Your dogs are tools for you, that's fine. But to assume that its that way with other people is just wrong.

So anyway, I think unlike dogs, a human/horse bond is harder to come by and takes more time than the dog/human bond. But it can and does happen. But for the OP, if she's just not feeling it with this horse, I don't know....I'd be tempted to sell. Some horses you just don't click with. The old mare I used to ride was like that. I can't imagine owning a horse I feel connection to. Too much money and work for that, lol.
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