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So excited - AT LAST I understand

2K views 18 replies 11 participants last post by  Fimargue 
#1 ·
:loveshower::loveshower::thumbsup::cheers::charge::racing:


If anyone has been reading my thread about taking Fergie on a journey from pasture puff to dressage diva, you'll know that I have been having some breakthroughs, but now I am just so excited..

As ever some people will roll their eyes and go, "why are you so excited" I'm hoping that more will actually understand..

Quick background, when I learned to ride my parents were interested in budget, not quality, so I had great fun learning and at the weekends living at a stable, cleaning stables, leading kids, and getting lessons from a lovely lady who was great fun. Trouble is turns out that her first job was wrangler on the ark, so a lot of her ideas were well out of date
Remember I'm old, so was she, so she learned pre war :eek:mg: So I was taught to always keep my hands down, our knuckles got checked at the end of the ride, LOL she did go on a course once and came back full of a new idea, so we went from puppy dog paws, and dirty knuckles, to thumbs up in 'proper' hand position, but still the bottom of your little finger had to be dirty. We were also sitting in great chair seat position.

So my foundations were wrong to start with, I had rare lessons over the years, and have ridden alone a lot of the time. I did have a few decent lessons on the way that improved my seat, but the hands have always been an issue.

Now since my big accident 3 years ago I have had for the first time in my life consistent, decent instruction, and we have had a lot of issues to work though. First the crippling fear of even mounting, then doing anymore than walking.....it was a long process. At the same time we were actually improving my riding skills.

Over the last couple of weeks the penny has FINALLY dropped, it is like a whole new world, I now actually understand soft contact, and inside leg to outside rein. I THOUGHT I understood it before, but I didn't really get it, but now suddenly everything has fallen into place. It's an amazing feeling, so soft and light, my mare is happy, she is going nicely, and I am just so so happy. That word softness again, soft in the hand, soft and mobile through elbows and shoulder, I don't manage it all the time, but now I know what I am trying to achieve and it is a whole new world.
 
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#5 ·
I don't know what happened, it is something that I have been struggling towards for a long time, sometimes thinking I had it, but I didn't.

Elastic elbows are the key, but there is no magic pill or instruction I can share, you just have to keep striving for it until that light bulb moment happens and you realize with shame how hard your hands HAVE been, and how soft they can be.....
 
#6 ·
Nope, there is nothing like it, hence this post and this big smile I have been wearing for days

That's awesome! I hope I will get that "Aha" moment eventually! I try very, very hard to be soft but riding a spooky horse doesn't exactly help. Thanks for sharing! It gives those of us who are still on that learning curve some hope!
You will get it....I tell you I was seriously thinking about quitting back in the spring, I wasn't making any progress, I was scared of Fergie, had to psyche myself up to go every time to go and see her. She was spooky and my trainer has been telling me since the spring that "It isn't the mare it's you"

And

In this case she was right, it was me...something else where the penny has dropped, look past the scary thing, not at it, keep the rein closer to the scary thing supportive, bend her away from it a little, keep riding, BREATHE. In my case it worked, though I have been arguing that if Fergie will give me a break I would give her one...

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#9 ·
Awesome, GH! Those light bulb moments make all the hard work worthwhile :)

I do have one observation to make. Hang in there, it is positive :)

I notice when you speak about your riding and work with horses, that it tends to start out sounding defensive, as though you've been jumped on and yelled at for it in the past. That makes me very sad to see, as you are a very brave and hard-working person who has gone through a lot of pain and struggle to come back to riding. I hope you can look on all the positive comments that you are getting, and realize that by telling your story, you may be giving many, MANY other people hope to push through their own fears and accidents surrounding riding.

"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
 
#13 ·
I guess it sounds defensive, and in a way it is, but it is more of a reminder to those who maybe haven't struggled as much to move along. It started when someone on another board was very dismissive, and really quite insulting when I was sharing the joy of being able to actually mount Gibbs without anyone holding him, at the time that was HUGE for me.

I know that everyone is on a journey, and we are all at different stages of the route, LOL we all take different routes, and might have different destinations, but I really hope that this helps people hang in there when the going gets tough. It is just joyful to me to AT LAST started to understand what I have been striving for, and for so long.....so now I'm not beyond the fear, it is still lurking, but it is no longer front and central.



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#12 ·
Maybe elastic elbows is the best way to try to explain it
I have always struggled to get over to people that you can have short reins but still not be putting any more pressure on the horse's mouth than if you had long draped reins - provided the horse has learnt good balance and self carriage and doesn't need a hard hand to keep his head/neck in a certain position.
 
#14 ·
Elastic elbows, and loose shoulders, but it's more than that......and if there was a simple way of explaining it, no one would struggle. It really has been a struggle, Coach asking me to ride with short reins, and me thinking that means contact....well of course it does and it doesn't. She had tried explaining pushing hands, rather than pulling, with the horse, not against it, all sorts of things.

Saturday, I rode with a bunch of ladies at the barn, took me a while to get both of us warmed up and in the zone, but then we got some good work. I was wondering how long I was going to ride, then we got 2 x 20m circles where she largely stayed in frame, without any interference from me.....that was the time to stop, was so pleased with both of us.
 
#15 ·
It really is a shame people can be dismissive like that. Though, some people who haven't taken such bad falls that put you in the hospital never seen to understand.

And yay! I get that feeling. Where you just get something so nice that you're like "ok, we are done for the day!" I always prefer to end a ride a little early with some good work, than to push for "perfection" and ruin what WAS a good ride.
 
#16 ·
Great job! It is so exhilarating when another piece of the puzzle falls into place.
About softness, I have always felt it comes to a rider both slowly and all at once. The pieces slowly add up, and then all at once you "get" it. The whole picture, a glimpse of nirvana.
Now, don't get too hard on yourself if you find you lose it briefly. I have found that some days it eludes me, only to come back with more finesse the next day. It's an illusive concept.
 
#17 ·
Great job! It is so exhilarating when another piece of the puzzle falls into place.
About softness, I have always felt it comes to a rider both slowly and all at once. The pieces slowly add up, and then all at once you "get" it. The whole picture, a glimpse of nirvana.
LOL, a glimpse of Nirvana is exactly it, "WOW I never knew it could be like this" I guess it is also like paddling out to ride a wave, to start with you can't even stand on your board, then you manage to ride a few feet, then one day you pick a good one and ride it to the shore...

Now, don't get too hard on yourself if you find you lose it briefly. I have found that some days it eludes me, only to come back with more finesse the next day. It's an illusive concept.
What is so scary is how easy it is to lose it. We did a new exercise the other day, putting excess bend on the circle for 3 strides before going back to normal bend, immediately I went hard and demanding again.....I swore....out loud.....I have to remember that most everything can be soft and an ask.....
 
#18 ·
I can relate to that. it's when we are "trying" too hard is when we lose softness.

I can remember the first time I realized that the reins were not for pulling on, nor for balance. (this is not to say that I've never pulled , nor have I ever momentarilly used the reins for balance). but, when I felt that the rein was like a telephone line that put me in touch with my horse's MIND, via his mouth, . . and that he could speak back to me, why THAT was a huge moment for sure.
 
#19 ·
So happy for you! It's a great feeling to finally achieve something that was before "I will never get this/I will never get there".

I haven't had as serious accident as yours, but I know how it feels to be afraid of your own horse, and shaking like a leaf at the very idea of riding her again. It's a long process.
 
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