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Stubborn Kid + Frustrated Pony

8K views 38 replies 18 participants last post by  Mercy 
#1 ·
Hey all!
I'm teaching some informal riding lessons to a few kids who love horses. Two of them are a little older and have been improving a lot. The other is a 6 year old girl who quite frankly does not understand most of what I advise her to do.
Up until recently I have just led her around on him and taught her the ropes of steering/stopping/backing. The pony I have her on is my been-there-done-that ex-4H pony, but he's admittedly not perfect for a 6-year-old brand new beginner. He is great with kids, would never hurt a fly, is well trained, but he just does have the patience to be pulled on. When she starts to pull on him, he tosses his head to get the reins out of her hands and begins to blatantly ignore everything she asks and walks around aimlessly. This horse does not typically have respect issues and he is usually very good about yielding to leg and rein cues. I physically show her what she should be doing with her hands (the horse does best on a loose neck rein) but after a minute or two she always ends up resorting back to pulling back and kicking the horse around.... I'm kind of at a loss for what to do. I feel like I am constantly saying "let him have his head!" and "loosen your reins!" and stopping her to explain that the horse will start to ignore her cues if all she does is pull back on his mouth. Then of course she gets frustrated when the horse won't cooperate, ends up crying and blames the horse for misbehaving, and I am left to try to politely explain to the mother that it is her child's fault that the horse will not cooperate when the mom comes to watch and asks me why the horse is so "stubborn".
I really try to be nice to the girl because I really want her to have a good fun experience with horses.. I feel like she just doesn't understand, even though I am constantly explaining what to do along with the reasoning of why to do it.
In an attempt at a solution, I decided to say "I get to lead you around until you learn not to pull on the horse's mouth". That resulted in an extremely boring ride for the both of us and an unhappy kid. Then I decided to attach a lunge line and have her practice balance. Found out balance is not the problem here (we have not graduated to a trot yet).
So today I decided take away the bit. I attached reins to a web halter and had her ride around in that. It went better IMO, she walked him over some ground poles and walked the barrel pattern, but the girl still ended up pouting (for no reason that I am aware of).. :neutral:
I am not a riding instructor (nor do I want to be anymore :rofl:), I do it for free. I may also not be great at communicating with really young kids.. If anyone with kid+horse experience could give me some advice here, I would really appreciate it.
 
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#2 ·
Are your reins colorful? If not pick up some colorful duct tape and make them.

Put her favorite color around the spot her hands should be. Having the visual reminder will help. She might not be realizing her hands are tight.

Play games. Don't make it all teaching. She's probably getting bored. Know the diving rings you can buy to toss into a pool. Get those and hang them around the arena. Say "Go get me blue, green etc" Challenge her. Put cones up for her to steer around. Play Simon Says. "Simon says, stop. Simon Says left. Simon says go to the green ring" Let her do more interesting stuff.

She's probably pouting because you are leading her around and that's babyish.

Dont' put her in a bit. Leave her bitless until she learns. Bits have to be earned!
 
#3 ·
You be the horse. Put the bridle over your neck & you hold the bit. Have her behind you with the reins. Have her tell you to walk. If she has too tight of a hold tell her you can't go because she's holding you back. When she loosens start to walk & tell her why you started walking. Have her 'ride' you all around the arena as she would a horse. If she gives the wrong signal or pulls too much respond as the horse would & tell her why. Make a game of it. If she guides you to a wall but doesn't tell you to turn, stop & wait, tell her how to signal with the reins which way to go. Tell her why you are or are not doing something so she understands that she is in control & giving the orders.
If she gets mad or frustrated explain how you are only doing exactly what she tells you to do.

Then it's her turn to be the horse. I know it sounds stupid but it is a way to get kids thinking in terms of cause & effect when riding.

Maybe Mom could use this lesson too.
 
#4 ·
I definately think marking the reins is a good idea, not even just with colour but with something for her to feel, like a rubber band wrapped around part of it. Try to praise when she keeps her hands on that and before asking her to stuff (like bending or going over poles etc) ask her to check her reins.
 
#5 ·
OP, I've been giving riding lessons for decades and finally had to set an age limit on true teaching. I don't take children until they are a mature 7 or 8 years old and they have to be well behaved and somewhat focused. No brats allowed.

If I allow a younger rider in, the parent has to understand that the child will basically be taking a "pony ride" until they get older. Also, the ride stays under a half an hour in an attempt to work with their short attention span. A lot of parents will try to push their kids into lessons too early either because they used to ride and want to re-live that experience through their child or.... they want to tell all their friends "my daughter takes horse back lessons" as social bragging.

It sounds like the mother is blaming you and the pony for the lack of advancement. Parents need to know up front what to expect and that their child has some growing up to do before they can become effective on a horse. If this 5 year old is riding along with the older kids, she wants to ride like they do so I would only let her ride alone.

I know a lot of kids who grow up on horse farms get to ride at a very early age but they ride (and fall off) everyday whereas a child taking lessons once a week is getting limited experience.

Don't get too frustrated, it's not you. If you want to continue to "teach" them at this early of an age, you'll have to lower your expectations. And, when you do this for free, sometimes people (like this mother) do not value what you are doing. You know the old saying "It's worth what you pay for it". If it gets too frustrating, tell the mother that her daughter is not old enough and just drop them.
 
#8 ·
Having 7 grandkids that DD and I have taught to ride, the reality is most city 6 yos don't have the concentration abilities to take lessons for more than 20 to 30 minutes. Marking the reins, either with tape or a rubber band, is a good suggestion---we've done this for the grandkids. It also help if you play games as mentioned above. We play Simon Says, Fetch, riding around obstacles, changes of gaits, Musical chairs with poles they have to grab, etc to keep the kids interested and thinking. All the kids learn to ride with a halter and bareback----they have earn those reins connect to a bit and the saddle!
 
#9 ·
Some interesting ideas have been provided above.

Also, realize that six year olds generally have shorter attention spans that older children or adults. That is why class sessions in school with younger children are shorter.

A grandmother once had me give a lesson to her young granddaughter who just loved horses and wanted to ride. This child lost focus after about ten minutes and sat passively on the horse as I had it move. Thankfully she sat passively rather than becoming head strong. After the lesson, the grandmother asked about continuing lessons. I explained the issue of attention span. I explained how private lessons can be very demanding. I also explained that children often enjoyed group lessons where they “rode” a horse while the horse mimicked what the other horses in the lesson were doing. I told her that, if she wanted this girl to take private lessons and learn more, she should talk to the owner of the facility about the possibility of having shorter lessons – of course the cost per minute would need to increase because the need to get a horse ready would be the same. I never heard what happened after that.

As you already guessed, communicating ideas can present an additional difficulty. This is true with many individuals for various reasons. You end up teaching vocabulary as well as techniques. This is a skill in itself.
 
#10 ·
It sounds as though this girl is too young and too easily frustrated with challenges at this point for the current regimen she's on, and if you don't have the patience and knowledge to deal with a younger child, there's nothing wrong with telling the mom that you feel that she might not be ready for riding just yet. But, there's also great opportunity here for you to learn and grow as an instructor too.

1 - If you've got her for an hour, the lesson might be too long. Little kids have short attention spans and even shorter patience.

2-Part of her frustration could be boredom as well as having a hard time following directions. This might involve talking to her mom to see what sort of things she really enjoys doing, and finding a way to incorporate that into the lesson. If she loves dressing up and pretending, maybe you can have her pretend to be a princess, or a knight riding into battle, or a circus act. Whatever she loves, find a way to incorporate it.

3. Try playing some games with her. "Mother May I", "Red Light/Green Light", "Are you awake, Mr. Bear?" are all great games for a young kid to practice stopping and starting, walking and trotting, etc. turning, etc.
 
#12 ·
Thanks for all the advice, I really appreciate it!
I usually take these kids to the barn with me a few times a week. They ride my older horses while I work with my young one (besides the little girl, who I usually devote my full attention to when she is riding..). We are usually there for a few hours, the little girl plays with other kids until it's her turn to ride, which usually ends up being about a half hour.
I agree that she is probably a little too young, but she comes out with her older brothers, so it might be a little awkward to tell her she can't come too. Whenever she becomes pouty or frustrated I ask if she wants to be done for the day, and she always refuses and insists that she wants to keep riding, so that puts me in a tough spot. I don't want to pry the girl off the horse but I also don't want things to go bad.
Tonight I focused my attention on the older kids I let her lead Speckles around and trot him over poles, through puddles, etc. I think she really enjoyed it, so I might stick to that for the majority of lessons until she's a little older. I'll hunt for some fun reins to put pretty tape on next time I decide to let her ride.
 
#13 ·
Does anyone at your barn have a mini or small pony that's child-friendly and that they'd be willing to loan out once a week? She sounds like the perfect candidate for some in-hand work to keep her interested and engaged. Maybe set up a little in-hand trail course for her to work through- tarps, cones, a tiny jump or two. She can do that as a warm-up before riding.
 
#14 ·
Quick update:
So I made it through the summer and I think everything went decently. The boys did great. The little girl had fun. We ran into a few hiccups here and there. I bought her some color coded "teaching" reins like you guys suggested and that really helped her progress and confidence and gave a good visual aid. I owe that idea to you guys. ? I also limited her riding time to around a half an hour. I think that helped her not get frustrated or tired. She got good at steering and stopping at a walk in a halter so I let her trot. She got good at the obstacle courses I would set up with trot poles, barrels, cones, puddles,etc. I began to feel comfortable with her trotting around and having fun without having to lead her around all the time.
Everything was going fine, but apparently the mom was not happy with how fast she was making progress. she said she wanted her daughter to be able to "ride around and have fun with the other kids" (who, mind you, are seven or eight years old and have been riding every single day for their entire lives).. I was like "well I think she's doing just fine, she's just a little timid" and then she went on about how she talked to a real riding instructor in the area and asked him if he started kids out and just a halter instead of with a bit, and apparently he said that he has "never heard of anyone putting kids on a horse in a halter because they have no control without a bit"........ I wanted to say "well why don't you pay him for lessons"....but I didn't. Instead I explained that her daughter sometimes doesn't understand what "don't pull on the reins" means and explained that even little kids can damage a horses mouth if they are not careful.. she shrugged me off and I could tell she thought I was completely stupid (even though she's had absolutely no horse experience in her life and probably doesn't even know how to put a bit in for gods sake).... Of course, the little girl was listening to our entire conversation and the next time we went riding she insisted that she could use a bit this time because her mom "told her to"... So I put her in a loose ring snaffle and let her try it. She actually handled it pretty well and I had no reason to take it away from her. With the bit she has gained a lot of confidence..... too much confidence. She no longer likes to listen to me, especially when there's other people around, and whenever I say something like "how about we work on our steering" she says "I already know how to do that" in a whiny voice and I just get sick of it and say whatever, do what you want ?. The whining is especially bad when tge parents come to watch. I just feel like the mom undermining me all the time is causing the little girl to be difficult. When mom comes to watch, the little girl doesn't listen to me at all, she tries to show off and just "go fast" all the time, lope Spec around even though I tell her to keep it slow, and I can tell old Spec is getting really tired of being yanked on because when it gets bad, he rips the reins out of her hands (which causes the mom to think he's a bad horse ? He literally never does that for me or the older kids). When her mom isn't there, little girl behaves and listens really well, and in turn spec behaves really well and they both have fun. Ugh. Thank God I had to leave for college. ?
 
#16 ·
Kids of that age are really hard. I honestly would not let her off the lunge line with that attitude. Riding is a privelage, not a right. I have a little six year old girl to who is brave and rambunctious as all get out. She is already wanting to run on ride 2, and got my horse to lope without my permission. As impressed as I was, I had to tell her she can't do that. They don't really "understand" why yet, so sometimes the "because I said so" is necessary. I have let the kid lope since then, but man she was mad when I told her no the first time. She had to earn her right to do that.

It's your barn, your rules. If her Mom can't understand that and the kid can't be reasoned with, tell her to come back when she can. That would be my approach anyway.
 
#18 ·
How do you think your horse would do in a side-pull or other bitless type bridle?

It might give your frustrated pony a bit of a break until the student is ready to start being more subtle with her hands....
 
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#20 ·
I have seriously considered this!! I have yet to find a "western style" one in my price range but I have had my eye out for quite some time now! Being in college I just don't have the extra funds to spend on stuff like that without budgeting in advance. Definitely my Christmas list!
 
#19 ·
Honestly I can deal with the whiney kid. 6 year olds are just bratty sometimes. I am mainly just irked by the way the mom has acted. She is so competitive and pushes little girl to "do better" so she can ride like the "other girls".. it makes little girl feel bad about herself and her progress, and in turn makes her feel pressured to lope and be "good", while I just feel like it should be all fun and games (and learning!!) at this point. I can hear the frustration in her voice and I know she just doesn't understand and she just wants to impress her mom. I honestly think there wouldn't be any major problems here without the mom's influence, so I try not to take it out on the kids.
Sad because I've seen these types of parents before and I know the kids never stick with horses. That's the only reason I continue to do it, maybe I can have a positive impact. Idk. :(
 
#21 ·
It sucks that the girl is progressing and enjoying herself more when mom's not around. I've never had any patience for those types who think they know more than the instructor/trainer when they've never been around horses a day in their lives. I don't mince my words ... that's why I don't give riding lessons, I tend to speak before thinking often, especially when my horses are concerned ... but I'd flat out tell this woman that she's getting in the way. Her daughter is progressing just fine without mommy dearest interfering and if mommy dearest can't shut up and listen to the person in charge (which, as it happens, is not her) then mommy dearest can find another instructor. Point. Blank. They're not paying you, so if they don't come it's not like you're going to lose any money, and on top of that this girl could potentially injure herself trying to show off, or injure your horse. I agree that horseback riding is great for kids, but it is a privilege not a right, and if the mother AND the daughter are not going to listen to you then they can find someone else's horse to ruin. I don't tolerate anyone treating my animals improperly - not my parrot, not my horse, not even my snakes.
But that's just me lol

-- Kai
 
#22 ·
To deal with mom, maybe the solution is the next time she butts in to see if maybe she'd like to take some lessons....of course approach it in a tactful way.

For the sidepull on a budget, perhaps you can borrow one from somebody?
 
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#23 ·
There are also those loping halters I think they're called .... just a rope halter with rings on the sides to attach reins. I'm currently riding a colt with one since he's got tooth issues and I love this thing. It's very similar to this one (only not a POS):

http://www.statelinetack.com/item/basic-poly-side-pull-rope-training-halter/E002335/

You could also buy some rope and make your own, it's very simple to tie a rope halter once you get the hang of the knots. That'd be a great cheap way to get one.

-- Kai
 
#25 · (Edited)
This is actually exactly what I bought to use, maybe not greatest quality but it's effective, lol! I ride in it myself quite often.

It sucks that the girl is progressing and enjoying herself more when mom's not around. I've never had any patience for those types who think they know more than the instructor/trainer when they've never been around horses a day in their lives. I don't mince my words ... that's why I don't give riding lessons, I tend to speak before thinking often, especially when my horses are concerned ... but I'd flat out tell this woman that she's getting in the way. Her daughter is progressing just fine without mommy dearest interfering and if mommy dearest can't shut up and listen to the person in charge (which, as it happens, is not her) then mommy dearest can find another instructor. Point. Blank. They're not paying you, so if they don't come it's not like you're going to lose any money, and on top of that this girl could potentially injure herself trying to show off, or injure your horse. I agree that horseback riding is great for kids, but it is a privilege not a right, and if the mother AND the daughter are not going to listen to you then they can find someone else's horse to ruin. I don't tolerate anyone treating my animals improperly - not my parrot, not my horse, not even my snakes.
But that's just me lol

-- Kai
Oh believe me it takes every ounce of self control that I've got in order to not lose my cool when dealing with her. I have tried gently saying that it would be nice if she would step back and let little girl learn at her own pace, but I definitely think she (the mom) lacks self awareness and doesn't take criticism at all. I have considered "giving up" on numerous occasions, i just feel a little "not right" about punishing the kids for their mother's actions. I never really realized how hard kids can be (unintentionally) on horses. :-| I completely agree with you. I need to lay down the law a little bit here and I think the "riding is a privilege, not a right" is a good way to go at it. Not sure if I'll agree to continue this next summer or not. :/
 
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#24 ·
This has been a great thread for me to read, so thanks to everyone for the great ideas for dealing with kids learning to ride. Right now the neighbor kids who will soon be joining a 4-H club, which luckily is just starting at the saddle club in our small town, are 10 and 11. Since they have had no experience around horses and are just now starting to get their balance with the bareback lead-line walking on my Little Horse (12-2 Welsh/Qtr pony), I think these marking reins ideas and games to play will be really great as they slowly advance. Then someday if my grand-dtr ever shows interest ....

Also, want to say that I sure admire OP Spec for putting in all this time of her own to allow these kids to enjoy horses. Definitely if that mother does not appreciate what you are doing for her daughter, she is way off base and you will be doing all involved a favor by standing up for yourself, the kids and your horses. Maybe you can practice over the winter how you will say it if you take this up again in the spring. Best of luck at school!
 
#26 ·
People on here have been so helpful for me though this!
Thanks for your kind words, I really appreciate it. I will do my best! :grin:
 
#27 ·
Are you crafty at all?

I'm not, but I recently started doing paracord tack and dog leashes and such. This is a bitless bridle that I made for a pony out of scrap paracord. I had two tiny pieces of leather, and I just cobra braided the sides, browband, and then did a four strand braid for the nose piece. The ring are around a dollar at the hardware store, so maybe $4 worth of rings, or $2 if you don't want it to constrict on the nose when pulled, and then maybe $10 worth of paracord or whatever rope you choose to use.

There's tons of videos on youtube on how to work with paracord, so if you watch a couple, then you can know how to join two braids together and tie them off, etc and just make it however you would like.

For what it's worth, I don't let me kids ride in a bridle at all until they are more advanced. Currently they are all riding in a side pull.
 

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#30 ·
Are you crafty at all?

I'm not, but I recently started doing paracord tack and dog leashes and such. This is a bitless bridle that I made for a pony out of scrap paracord. I had two tiny pieces of leather, and I just cobra braided the sides, browband, and then did a four strand braid for the nose piece. The ring are around a dollar at the hardware store, so maybe $4 worth of rings, or $2 if you don't want it to constrict on the nose when pulled, and then maybe $10 worth of paracord or whatever rope you choose to use.

There's tons of videos on youtube on how to work with paracord, so if you watch a couple, then you can know how to join two braids together and tie them off, etc and just make it however you would like.
That looks awesome! I'd love to try to make one myself! Is it too much to ask for you to make a tutorial with measurements and photos? :D Or at least just extra photos with measurements, then I could figure it out and adjust it for the size I need.
 
#28 ·
The problem with using a sidepull on a horse with a rider who has rough hands is the nerves in poor horse's nose are taking all that force----there's a reason sidepulls are used on green horses since they can have enough force if in the hands of the wrong rider. Those rawhide nosebands can have plenty of bite if used incorrectly


When DD was just learning to ride, I used a plain flat nylon halter for the horse's bridle since it would have absolutely no bite.
 
#29 ·
Oh jeez, sorry Spec, lol foot in mouth again! You see, I speak without thinking ... it's like an illness ... sorry if I offended you. If it works, then it works, and luckily they're cheap enough so if it wears out down the road it'll be a breeze to replace. : )

-- Kai
 
#31 ·
I would start young children by leading them then as their balance improved I would piny them out and about. I would correct certain things, leaning forward, heels up, but generally just let them find their own balance. Chatted about anything and everything, had them relaxed, as they progressed lots of jogging developing a good seat by making them sit to the trot, only when they had the balance and seat did I allow them to start to trot rise. After that then I would give the occasional lesson in the arena.

As for the Mom, of she starts butting in tell her to come in and take the lesson!
 
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