Parental pressure (kinda long)
   

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Parental pressure (kinda long)

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    06-12-2012, 12:21 PM
  #1
Weanling
Parental pressure (kinda long)

Hello everyone, well for the past little while I have been showing t 1.m and it's been going great, in the ribbons and if I don't place I am doing a great ride with a rail or max 2 rails. I asked my coach to move up to 1.10m and she said great idea and do it at the next show(3weeks ago) then the next day she said do the next 2 shows then move up. So I did and this weekend I am suppose to move up and I talked to her and she said not this weekend unless I want to. So that's a no basically. She does not like people not going with her ideas because that's going against her plan. She said later I can exc exc we can do big classes but I won't hold my breathe.

My parents both say she wants me to win everything , double cleans and first in every class. Now they are expecting that, at shows in front of my coach my mom says its just to have fun. At home I get almost scolded on how I need to win. Doesn't matter if I had a great smooth ride and a rail , I need to win. My dad who's experience with sports is hockey... Well I can't even talk to him without him raising his voice on how unless Im the best in the ring I shouldn't move up. I'm on a winning horse but I'm not winning everything so I'm the problem.

Honestly this makes me so upset, I want to move up because I'm bored and my horse is. None of the jumps are true size or width and when I just bigger I have fun and have a smile ear to ear. My horse loves it and I can handle it(3inches) at home we school from 3'6-4' so not a big deal.

I think my coach wants me to stay to get points so I go to champs but I don't care about points I want to keep learning. How can I explain this to everyone and tell my parents to piss off they're not riding so stop telling me what to do. My dad actually critiqued my video from the weekend and told me what I was doing wrong...
     
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    06-12-2012, 12:32 PM
  #2
Showing
If your parents are paying, you don't get to 'tell them to piss off'. Frankly, I'm shocked at your total disdain and lack of respect. If you were my child this wouldn't be an issue; you'd have been off a horse the first time you opened your mouth and acted like a spoiled brat.

Riding is a privilege for children, not a right. If your coach wants you to stay at your current position and division, then that's what you do. You can hardly have learned everything at the level you are now, and if your coach doesn't think you're ready to move up then you're not, regardless of how you feel.
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    06-12-2012, 12:45 PM
  #3
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Speed Racer    
If your parents are paying, you don't get to 'tell them to piss off'. Frankly, I'm shocked at your total disdain and lack of respect. If you were my child this wouldn't be an issue; you'd have been off a horse the first time you opened your mouth and acted like a spoiled brat.

Riding is a privilege for children, not a right. If your coach wants you to stay at your current position and division, then that's what you do. You can hardly have learned everything at the level you are now, and if your coach doesn't think you're ready to move up then you're not, regardless of how you feel.
I agree.... my daughter got pissy with me one time at a show and told me to basically piss off.... I told her right before she went in the ring to get off the hrose untack her and load her up we where going home. Until you are the one that is putting out all the $ you have NO right to tell your parents to piss off.

Your parents are only trying to help you when your dad looks at your video and tells you things you should just sit there and listen.... he might not have a clue what it is that he is talking about but at least he is interested in what you are doing and he is trying (and just cause his only sports experience is hockey that is not a bad thing cause I myself am a horse and hockey mom)
     
    06-12-2012, 01:25 PM
  #4
Showing
Do you pay for lessons? Show fees? Ringside coaching? Your tack? Horse care? Riding is a family hobby for us, so my parents pay for the bare necessities--feed, bedding, farrier/vet/dentist, fencing, etc, and I am so grateful that they do. If I want to ride, I'd better be buying my own tack. If I want to show, I had better be paying for gas and funding my own coach and show fees. Because I pay for my show fees and coaching, I can choose to ride in whatever division I choose.

Until you're funding everything, your parents can put you in Baby Green Crossrails if they want. You can talk to them and express your concerns about not having fun at the level you're at, but the bottom line is that they don't have to move you up until they and your coach decide that you're ready.
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    06-12-2012, 01:34 PM
  #5
Foal
I ride also, and my parents always point out what I am doing wrong, which really (And I mean really) gets on my nerves. I want to tell them they are NOT my coaches, that they have never ridden (successfully), and to go away; that they should leave the coaching to my coach. However, I am reminded that since they are the ones paying to let me participate in this wonderful, [expensive] sport, not me. My mother has threatened me to make me stay off the horse before for being ungrateful and hateful. I try to remember that: a) They are my parents and in charge of me. B) They are paying for what I do, stretching their money to let me do what I love. C) They not only sacrifice extra money, but also a lot of time.
     
    06-12-2012, 01:40 PM
  #6
Started
Geez people. I don't care if my parents paid for the entire world show, that does not allow them nitpick on every single thing you do wrong. I'd get off my own horse if they did that. That's just like saying you paid for your daughter's wedding, so now you get to choose the husband!

You need to sit down and talk with your parents, eye to eye. Tell them that you really appreciate their support, and that you are lucky to have it, but you don't appreciate it when the nit-pick you, or constantly are picking out your flaws. Tell them what really matters to you when you ride, and you would appreciate it if they had a more fun attitude when they are around you, and less pressuring. I'm sure they will understand.

Communication is way better than bottling up anger, or getting reprimanded.
     
    06-12-2012, 01:43 PM
  #7
Weanling
Have your coach talk to your parents.
     
    06-12-2012, 01:52 PM
  #8
Yearling
Huh. I am wondering what I am missing

To the posters before me, I am sort of shocked. I read the OP's post and didn't think she was being spoiled or pissy about riding. I heard two messages in her post.

1. She wants to progress but others are holding her back.

2. Her family sets expectations that she must win at all costs.

Here are my responses to the OP.

In regards to #1, sometimes we think we are ready but we are over inflating our own egos. It is always good to have a person who can ground us and keep us on track. What was not in your post is what are YOUR goals for you? Why do you ride? Please state your general age in school years? Are you a high school student? Middle school? Where do you think this will take you? The Olympics? A career? How does what you are doing today fit in with how you vision your future?

How you truthfully answer those questions will shed some enlightment on your frustration with your coach and parents. If this is something you are doing for the here and now, and not striving to have an adult competitive career, I can understand why you may be impatient and willing to accept a bar or two when you don't place.

My experience has taught me that the more competitive a person is, along with how the competitive activities supports them, the more patient the person is to achieve greatness.

Which brings us to #2. I am surprised at the disdain and criticism you have received. Obviously the previous posters were not overly pushed by their parents to achieve an adult's expectation of acceptable. And I can tell you, It stinks.

Whether they pay the bills or not, this is about you. Not them. Just because they can afford to put you in the saddle, or they are willing to make the sacrifices so you can, they have no morale or ethical right to set expectations for your success.

It is one thing to say, "I can tell you are not interested in this, so we need to stop due to costs.' That is fair. I have said that to my family. I won't pay out good money for something I have to drag a kid kicking and screaming to and never practice.

But to say, "you love this but are not good enough to afford it" or worse, "i am paying for this so you must meet my expecations" well, that is lousy parenting.

Answer the questions to the statement above. If your heart is truly in it for the competition and future, take the advice of your coach. Be patient. Work the basics and conquer them.

But, if you are in it for the fun and pleasure, and your parents have greater expectations, you better have a heart to heart. Even if you have to involve a school counselor.

Some of my most messed up adult friends were once children who didn't meet family expecations in little league, soccer, hockey or ice skating. They spent their entire childhood on the road only to receive "should have done better." Today, they don't participate in those activities at all.

Good luck.
     
    06-12-2012, 01:56 PM
  #9
Weanling
I know the default that most people think is that you should be thankful and just shut up, but growing up with parents that sound like yours, I know how you feel.

I do agree with above posters that you probably shouldnt move up. It's really not what your trainer recommends and I don't think it will magically make you have more fun either, it might make the opposite true. Now im a perfectionist in the sense that I keep trying something until I get it down great, and since im a very imperfect person sometimes that takes a lot of time and frustration and boredom. What I would recommend is just do something else! Take a break from the same old and go on a trail ride or organize a group ride with friends, or even take a break from riding and try something new instead of being focused on how "boring" your level is.

And the reality is, theres always something to learn at any level. You'd think after 15 years of riding I would have "moved up" and stopped doing basic flatwork and trotting around an arena, but of course that's not true ;p. I do agree with you that you need to have more fun, but I don't think you should assume that staying at your current level means you're "not learning" - you always are! I think you should focus on what your trainer says and try hard to do your best. If you want a change, try something new!
AQHSam likes this.
     
    06-12-2012, 02:09 PM
  #10
Started
Quote:
But to say, "you love this but are not good enough to afford it" or worse, "i am paying for this so you must meet my expecations" well, that is lousy parenting.
This, this, a thousand times this.
     

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