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  • Mysterious horse broken jaw

View Poll Results: Should I continue to write?
yes, definitley! 8 66.67%
maybe 4 33.33%
Voters: 12. You may not vote on this poll

 
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    06-21-2011, 02:29 PM
  #1
Yearling
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It was a cold morning and I reluctantly got out ofr my warm covers to head to the barn. Lets face it-I love horses, but getting up at five to muck stalls at -5 degrees? You have to admit it van get a little tiring.

So there I was, about to open the heavy barn doors, when all of a sudden I am flat on my back. I get up and turn around, ready to yell at some reckless kids when I see a majestic, jet black horse cantering off into the distance. Amazed at the sight, I stand there open mouthed in the brutal wind thinking about how heqavenly it would be to be on the back of that horse. A piece of ice nicking my leg brought me back to reality, and so, I open the barn doors.

Will continue later........
     
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    06-21-2011, 02:49 PM
  #2
Green Broke
Me likey!!!!
     
    06-21-2011, 04:03 PM
  #3
Yearling
Eight hours I was working in the barn and for eight hours I was thinking about that horse. Constantly I was peeking outside hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but always being disapointed. I knew there was something special about that horsed and so I was not discouraged, I knew we would be meeting again.

After tacking up, Piper, my old Quarter Horse, I set out on my favourite trail. The trail wound around the mountains and down towards the river banks, it was peacefull and scerene.

20 minutes into the trail, I spotted a flash of black through the corner of my eye. Deciding to ignore it I continued down the old dirt road. In the distance I could see the usual lake shore, but there was something different about it. Beside the strawberry bush, there was a black blob. I squinted trying to make out the familiar shape. As I came closer, I realized the blob was a horse, and coming even closer I realized he was THE horse.
     
    06-21-2011, 08:04 PM
  #4
Yearling
My heart rate continuing to rise, I dismounted. One slow step after the other, I moved toward him being cautious to not make any sudden movements. He was eyeing me, but continued grazing, his ears perked. Soon I was at his side, and my arms were at his neck. The next few moments were a blur, I only remember being on his back with the wind in my hair as I galloped along the shore.
     
    06-21-2011, 08:15 PM
  #5
Green Broke
Cute story.

Just a bit of advice, in your first bit I'm not quite sure how the character ended up on her back? You might want to make that clearer.

And what about Piper? She just left him by himself?
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    06-21-2011, 08:59 PM
  #6
Green Broke
I do agree. Maybe you remembered about her half way down the beach and went to go get her and pony her? Maybe the black horse could be a legend or something and would only choose one person to live with him forever? I dunno, just advice
     
    06-22-2011, 05:34 PM
  #7
Yearling
Ya, I was going to get back to Piper after using the thing lildonkey was saying. I didn't get to use that paragraph since I was at Sick Kids and I got called in :P I was wondering if people were going to be confused :O

And thanks about the getting on his back :)
     
    06-22-2011, 06:06 PM
  #8
Yearling
Just when I thought, he was the one, I was in the air. Confused, I landed with a thud in the freezing cold water and only then realized I had been bucked off. Shaken, but un-injured I got to my feet and looked around. The horse was no where to be seen so I started to head back to the barn.

Barn? PIPER! Alarms went off in my head I started sprinting up the shore line to where I had last seen my faithful friend. I got to the bush where the magic had started and couldn't seem to find Piper! Oh No, how could I have let something so horrible happen to my best friend, all for a horse that may not come back?

With tears dripping down my face I started back to the barn. What I didn't notice was that there was a 1000 lb animal following closely behind. It started to warm up a little as I got closer, but I didn't feel it.

Marcia, my friend ran up to me with a curious look on her face. "What?" I snapped at her. Startled she stepped back, but continued to stare curiously. "What?" I asked again. "Well, its just that, ummm, how should I put this? There are not one but TWO horses following you." She replied. Certaing she was playing a game, I spun on my heels and cried out in joy at the sight.

Piper AND my mysterious companion were right there. My cry must have been pretty loud because the horse - who I had decided to call Apollo - took off at top speed back down the trail.

With mixed emotions I left the barn and went home. In bed, my mind buzzed with millions of questions. Too tired to find the answers, I went to sleep deciding to answer them another day.
     
    06-22-2011, 06:07 PM
  #9
Yearling
By the way sorry this has nothing to do with the title, I just want to make this story continue so I have something to put my umm "emotions" into when I want to write. The main part will come later on.
     
    06-23-2011, 10:32 AM
  #10
Started
Rockandride... i'm young (13) but I love writing and I have got VERY good feedback about my stories. (hopefully soon to be published!)
I would like to say I love it so far, your an amazing writer with great language but may I suggest making the start of the story longer, as in describe how much the manure stank or something like that so it builds suspension until it builds an almighty TA-DA! This is what you have been waiting for!!
     

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