"Chestnut Miss" A Novella [My First!] - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 7 Old 06-27-2010, 08:19 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
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"Chestnut Miss" A Novella [My First!]

Author's Note:

I was storming outside today, so I got some random inspiration. I started with a few paragraphs, and a whole plot came together! I need to keep my brain trained for the summer, so I decided, "Hey, might as well write it." So far, I have the summary and a prolouge. I love critique, so, if you have any comments at all, go ahead. (I'm a beginner writer, so it's not going to be great. Fair warning!)


Bethany Holliday is awakened to a strange commotion on an average summer morning. Her neighbors have found an injured, fully tacked horse grazing in their side yard. What is a horse doing in the middle of an urban neighborhood? Where did it come from? And, more importantly, why is it carrying $300, a map of a highway that doesn‘t exist, and a letter with only a return address and the words, ‘Dear Aunt Maggie’?


Flashes of lighting like live wires sparked from within a single, massive cloud that covered the entire sky. Thunder followed closely behind each bright flash. The air was thick with heat, humidity, and electricity. A horse and rider pair followed a narrow trail the parted a sea of pines. At the base of a steep hill, a creek ran parallel to the path.

A bolt of lighting tore across the sky, followed by an almost simultaneous blast of thunder. The horse, a short, well muscled chestnut mare, startled and crow-hopped. She regained herself, though her jiggy walk threatened to turn into a frantic gallop at the next thunder blast. The rider clung nervously to the reins. A stream of wind raced through the trees. There was a groan followed by a sickening snap as the branch of an oak tree about a 50 meters away crashed to the ground.

The mare charged forwards in panic. The rider reined her in a sharp circle. The pair fought for a moment before the mare halted and stood tensely. More thunder rolled in the distance, and, as if on cue, the downpour began. The rider was blinded by sheets of rain. Standing in the storm was like standing beneath a waterfall.

He jerked the rein nearest to the creek bottom. The mare, tired and sore mouthed, backed away. The rider kicked her sharply, but this did little but further annoy the horse. He pulled at her mouth again. The mare reared, flipping her head madly and gaping her mouth.

“Whoa, whoa, stand…” said the rider softly. The mare backed a few more steps before coming to a halt. Immediately, the rider dismounted.

Another fierce wind hit the rider like a battering ram, almost knocking him off his feet. He looked towards the sky, squinting his eyes against the rain. Clouds churned and swirled above him. The more he studied the sky, the more fearful he became. He took his horse and scrambled for the safety of the creek bottom.

They came to a steep hill that descended towards the creek. The rider started down, but the mare baulked and threw her head.

The rider pulled desperately. There was a rumbling in the distance. Storm clouds converged and swirled together. As the rain let off, the rumbling became louder until it sounded as if a freight train were approaching at ungodly speeds. A cyclone stretched down from the heavens.

The mare spun around sharply and snatched the reins from the rider’s hands. She galloped across the meadow and disappeared into the forest. The rider stood for a moment, eyes wide with panic. Part of him wanted to chase after the mare, but fear for his own life prevented him from taking a single step in her direction. He took shelter at the bottom of the hill.

A/N: Probably going to re-write that later... I didn't turn out like I wanted it. Anyway, thanks for reading!
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post #2 of 7 Old 06-28-2010, 04:10 PM
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pretty interesting right now.

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy"
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post #3 of 7 Old 06-29-2010, 08:38 PM
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Post more! I want to read it! it definately captures the readers attention!
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post #4 of 7 Old 06-29-2010, 09:52 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
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Thanks, you two! I'm working on the next chapter. I wrote it once, hated it, and am in the process of re-writing. It won't be too much longer until its done.
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post #5 of 7 Old 06-29-2010, 10:16 PM
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Ooh, goosebumps. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Always remember that feeling of looking at a big, open country over the ears of a good horse, seeing a new trail unwind ahead of you, and that ever-spectacular view from the top of the ridge!!! Follow my training blog: http://robertsontraining.blogspot.com/
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post #6 of 7 Old 06-30-2010, 08:29 AM
Green Broke
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looking forward to
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post #7 of 7 Old 07-17-2010, 06:04 AM
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can't wait for more!!!!!
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