That's lovely, and you capture the movement and scene beautifully without being too obvious about it, if you know what I mean.
Some things I noticed (and I'm being picky):
Misspelling of 'their'
Repetition of the word 'spark'
'Aglow' is one word, not two
Work on getting the 'flow' of the piece right - this is very very important in all writing but particularly in a poem. It's hard to explain because each person's writing style means that there'll be different flow, but try reading it out loud. Does it fall out of your mouth easily or does it sound awkward? In a poem, every single syllable counts, and needs to be carefully chosen, both for meaning and for the 'sound' of it, the emphasis of each syllable. Work on the parameter of each line for a more even kind of poem. For example: Two households, both alike in dignity (the first line to the prologue of Romeo and Juliet) is written in iambic parameter, which has emphasis on every second syllable. Even in a free verse poem, as this is, the lines still need follow each other in rhythm, and the lines shouldn't break up the poem awkwardly but emphasise the rhythm. A new line isn't something you just start because it looks like a good place. It needs to work with the lines before it.
Lastly, is there a reason the last word 'waters' is on a new line? It isn't part of a new idea and probably should be on the line above :)
Again, lovely poem!
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Last edited by Chokolate; 07-27-2013 at 06:25 AM.