05-22-2009, 04:08 PM
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Farmpony - You're story is pretty darn good! I like how you are starting to flesh out the characters nicely.
You asked if the parents were too understanding, in answer to your question, NO they're not. You've made it clear there's an underlying tension with them and their daughter, that they're not sure how to approach her or her situation but they are doing what many parents will do with their adult child - offer help as best they can.
I like how you have Jason's partner is coming around nicely. As someone who has worked in the emergency services I can tell you that you develop a very strong bond with your partner. It is something that borders on the trust, commitment and understanding that goes into a marriage. You know how to push, and back off, all at just the right times and you can get away with saying a LOT of crap to them that you couldn't say to anyone else (like when she gets up in his face and lectures him about being stupid). It happens allllll the time! But, just like any good commited relationship, we kiss and make up (not literally LOL) and understand that while a little calous in the approach our partner was only being honest.
Keep it coming! I love your use of sensory input, all the sounds and sights and smells and small, minute details you throw in to make someone feel like they are truly there. I can't wait to find out what has happened on the job that was the catalyst in Jason's change of personality...or maybe he's just been doing it for so long he's burning out? My husband can be distanced when it concerns hard, traumatic calls just like your Jason (must be the name LOL). It usually only lasts until the next morning, going to sleep at night is like hitting a reset button for him, but he becomes very quiet and withdrawn. It's hard to see the horror of the streets day after day, trust me I know. I worked EMS in NYC. :)
Ah, I'm rambling! Wonderful job and keep it coming, I'm dying to see what comes next. If you need any "real life" input let me know. Authors always have actual sources they go to for their subject matter on certain things to make sure they have all the facts about how something works. Feel free to PM me!