1st sentence-I would try to use a more specific word that "blue," if you can think of something that its the same color as, this would be a good time to insert a simile/metaphor.
3rd sentence- its a fragment, and I don't think it adds much to your piece, with creative writing, you want to "show" and not tell the readers what you are feeling. They should have to work for it, just telling them flat out is too easy.
5,6,7- these are ok, but I still don't see how this is creative writing, you are just coming out and telling us how you feel. Think of creative writing as a mix of poetry and writing, you want to use a of description, and if you use internal monologue like that, make it abstract.
2nd and 3rd-these are not complete thoughts, and your description of your room is very cliche-I know you can think of something better.
4th sentence- love this one
5th-end of 2nd paragraph- thesaurus.com is your friend. Try to replace words such as shine, walk ect. There are so many syn. For these words, using a less commonly used one can really add to your piece.
Third paragraph- you really need to think more abstractly, you are telling us what is happening, not showing us. The essence of creative writing lies in the creativity, so you need to be more creative. Use similies/metaphors, use allusions, use descriptive words, and connect your sentences with commas so you have less fragments.
3rd sentence- try and avoid using phrases like "the sun was shining," they are common, and everyone who is reading your piece will have heard it before.
Rest of 3rd paragraph- I'm not sure why you keep telling us your thoughts, they are interesting-yes, but in creative writing if you are going to let readers know what you are thinking, you have to show them. Would someone telling you a story about something tragic be as effective as if you were actually there when the tragedy happened? You want to think in this kind of mentality when writing, especially if this is a creative writing assignment.
1st and 2nd- you used the word "hard" in both sentences. It would be okay to use it once, but twice is too many. I think you could think of a more descriptive word too.
3rd- this sentence is better than some of the others, but you really want to describe what you are writing about uniquely. "Luscious green" is a typical phrase, maybe when it was used the first time it was effective, but there are a plethora of interesting words that could replace both of these words. What kind of green was it? Was it a mossy green? A seafoam green? You want to get as specific as possible, because details in a story make it more believable, and they make it more real for the reader. Also, I would eliminate the word "here" at the end of this sentence.
1st- I would reword this sentence, it sounds awkward, and your use of the word "that" makes the entire sentence sound choppy, you also used it more than once which is often a bad thing. It makes readers think that 1. You do not know enough words to think of another 2. You didn't notice it or 3. You are unable to rearange the sentence to eliminate the confusion. None of these are things you want the reader to be thinking, they should not be made into critics, they should be your audience.
3rd- "basically afraid"-what does that mean? Does that mean you were just a little afraid? Terrified? Or you were just apprehensive about touching them? I am not a fan of the word basically for many reasons, and I think in this case it would be clearer if you completely eliminated the word. If you are going to describe something, make sure it clarifies, not confuses the reader.
Last sentence- do you really want to give away the ending already? It just reminds me of a kingergardener writing "I am going to tell you about...." this not only spoils the ending, but if the reader does not approve of what the entire book is going to be about, you are out of luck.
Okay, I'll get off my high "horse" now, I don't mean to be harsh but I think you need to put the "creative" in creative writing. You need to figure out the difference between the two styles, and once you do I have faith that you will have no problem with this assignment.
If you want me to critique other parts of your assignment, you can email me at email@example.com
, I don't get on this board much.