Horse Storie I Wrote.

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Horse Storie I Wrote.

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    05-12-2011, 03:25 AM
Post Horse Storie I Wrote.

This stories base is on my life but a little exaggerated. If You Like It I Will Continue. Help Me name It.

Chapter One: Waiting

I was Eleven at the time, A few months after my beloved rodeo horse died, I Decided It was time too move on And share my Love with a horse that needed it. I Called My "Horse Crazy" Grandmother. I Said "It Is time. Find Me A Horse In need!" She Replied "I'm On It!!" And We Hang up.
I Wait and wait for a call back too let me know She found that horse I wanted Too love and nurse too health.

A Couple Days Later, I'm in the barn doing some chores and untacking Carizma, My Brother's National level barrel horse, From Our Workout. My Brother offered me Carizma When John died.

Carizma was a Big beautiful Blood Bay Quarter Horse Mare. He Is 16hh And has The Thickest and Shiniest Black Mane in The state of Wyoming. I loved her, But her and my brother were almost inseparable And I would never want too separate them.

Finally, I snapped out of this daydream when I heard the barn phone ringing. I raced too the phone, Too my surprise Its Grandma.
I answered "hello?"
On The Other End Of The Line I Hear "Hey! I found you a unwanted Thoroughbred . They call him a problem horse because he is off the track and tries too bolt" She Says.
"OH! Can we go have a look in the morning?" I reply.
"Sure Thing!" She Chuckles.
I Put the pone back on the hook and Finish up with Carizma.

Should I Continue?
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    05-12-2011, 03:43 AM
Yes, But Try Not To Do This. I want to read more, please continue.
    05-12-2011, 04:09 AM
I wake Up the next morning, chuck off my night gown and hustle into my old torn wrangler jeans and boots. My feat chase each other down the stairs. I imagine the rhythm of running home from barrels. My grandma is already in the truck waiting with the trailer already hooked up. I Jump right in and I get to day dreaming about this "new horse" And slowly fall asleep.... All of the sudden I wake up to a Shrilling winnie !!! I see this horse getting worked in the round pen as I get closer I see a whip in the owners hand and hear the horse trying too run with his weak wobbly legs . So I run.. and run... and run. I Finally reach the round pen..
" Training it what does it look like?" She replied.
"well it Looks Like Your trying too make him more dead then he already is!" I exclaim!!
" He Has always been nothing but dead!" she replies with a smirk on her face.
" Load Him up Grandma!" I say.

<<<on The way home>>>

"I Never got a good look at him..." I say.
"We will have the vet come look at him Tomorrow" Grandma says.

I Unload this Wobbly 6 year old stallion out of the trailer and into his stall and look over him. This is what I see. A Scraggly, skinny, worm filled, Black son of a gun. I Would guess about 16.2 hh tall with a dull black tangled coat and roached man and a tangled tail. Its Time Too Name Him. Lets Name Him "Magic"
    05-12-2011, 01:43 PM
It sucks Doesnt It? When I Said load him up in chapter 2 I meant too say .... I rolled my eyes and turned away and said too my Grandma "load him up!" ... Sorry about the mistake
    05-12-2011, 05:43 PM
I guess I won't continue.
    05-12-2011, 11:17 PM
You really need to watch your grammar and punctuation. The story itself is not bad but when You Type Like This, and confuse words like feat and feet it is really off putting. Just some thoughts.
    05-13-2011, 12:19 AM
Yeah I wont continue.
    05-13-2011, 10:46 AM
Super Moderator
Actually you got some good advice regarding the punctuation and the grammar. Another piece of advice is to stay in the same context. Don't use something like "I ran up the hill as quickly as I could" and then in the next sentence say "She is a sorrel horse with a white blaze" because it makes the reader stumble.

Over all you have a nice story here but since you are just going to quit..............................
    05-13-2011, 01:33 PM
Chapter 3: the Vet

The next morning, I wake up too hearing tires squeal down our driveway. So, I get up too find out who it is. I see a figure in white get out of his truck and she starts talking too my grandma. Its the vet! I throw on my jeans and boots and hop on down the stairs and out the door. I run fast as possible to the barn.
"Hello Katie!" the vet greets me with a smile on her face.
"Hi Mrs. Yencho!" I greet back to her.
"well, Lets go! I want too see that new horse of yours!" she exclaims.

We walk through the stable and I count the stalls, one, two, three, Four! "Here he is!" I say with a huge smile on my face! The vet goes in the stall and checks him over. "well, he isn't in good condition at all, he has a bad case of worms, and untrimmed and long, cracked hoofs. I frown " I know."

She walks out of the stall and asks what I named him. I answer simply "Magic."
"why magic?" she asks.
"because when I first saw him, it was like magic when our eyes met." I answer.
"oh ok." she says.

She hops and her truck And hollers bye too me and leaves and I walk back to Magics stall and brush him and feed him.
    05-14-2011, 01:32 AM
Better, your captalization was mostly correct, and you didn't switch your tenses! But watch the difference between to, and too. To is a preposition or adverb, and the correct choice most of the time (ex I went to the store). Too means also, or you have an excess of something (ex. Her shoes are too big). Stick with it, I'm enjoying reading this. :)

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