"The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."
They say horseback riding's dangerous, they say it's full of risks. But the truth is that everything is full of risks, whether you're on a school bus on your way to school or you're skydiving off a plane a thousand feet in the air, there's still the possibility you could die. Atleast that's what I've thought for the last couple years of my life.*
I've always been THAT girl, the one nobody wanted to talk to, the name that was always whispered around the class. It's been like that all throughout my life, when I was in kindergarten; I would be the kid that would sit by myself and draw or just sit there and read a book. I never had any friends and nobody would even talk to me. That changed in the fourth grade, but it wasn't a good thing. People would talk to me, but they wouldn't ask me what I was doing or if I wanted to play with them..they would make fun of me and call me fat, stupid, ugly, or whatever mean word they could come up with. I thought things would get better, but they never did.
I never liked school, in fact I was terrified of it..but I always went. Never missed a day, even if I was sick because I had heard about what happens to the people that "don't get a good education," you know the lecture your parents gave you...don't want to be flipping burgers at McDonald's or pumping gas at Co-Op. If I was going to be hated by others, I might as well be a little successful and do something impressive with my life.*
That's what the guidance counselor had convinced me, that I would be "successful" and "impressive" of course, I never truly believed it would happen. I HATED the counselor's office, every inch of it. I hated the fake smiles and the way they tried to make me feel important, because I KNEW it was fake. I know now that it was in the best intentions, I just didn't see the need for it. My family life was fine, all my needs were met, my parents never fought, life was "good"...or at least that's how normal people would put it. It's not my family life that was the problem, it was ME that was the problem. I wasn't a social person, I didn't like people and I never wanted to make the effort to try and like them.
So now you're wondering what this storie's about, "why am I reading this?" or "when is it going to get good?" Well...you tell me...when IS it going to get good? Why do I have to live a horrible life? Why can't a horrible person have a horrible life? I don't deserve this life, all I've ever been is a person that just tries to stay out of everyone else's way. This is the same set of questions I asked "him" every night, prayed for him to give me something better, to let them stop calling me "Ass-ley" and just let me be "Ashley" the girl people liked and respected.*
And I guess you could say he DID answer my prayer, that he did hear me asking, or maybe it's just the way things were meant to be.. But one day my life changed for the better and it was saved.*
Riding saved my life...
(to be continued..)
Posted via Mobile Device