I started this story but i cant finnish it... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 13 Old 10-30-2008, 06:42 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
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I started this story but i cant finnish it...

Here it is, any parts added will be happily accepted!!!

The morning was cold and still, 12 year old Jodi Walkers walked out to the barn to take her horse, Roxy's Charm, for a ride. Roxy was a pure Thouroughbred mare that was the granddaughter of Charm's Surprise, a Grand Prix show jumper. Jodi bridled Roxy and rode out of the barn (bareback), she was not a fan of saddles, since she was two she had been riding, and had her own horse. They galloped down the street to Jodi's friend Sara's Mikley's house, Jodi tied Roxy to the hitching post and knocked on Sara's door.
"Hey Jodi!" said Sara, "Ready to ride?"
"Haha! I was born ready!"Jodi exclaimed.
"Sanna's in her stall, I just gotta get her bridle on." Sara said.
"OK, Let's get a move on!" Jodi said jokingly.
They walked to the barn and bridled Sanna and mounted.
"How long we gonna ride for?" Asked Jodi.
"I don't know, forever!" Sara said laughing.
"Sounds good to me!" Exclaimed Jodi.
The girls signaled their horses to a canter, and enjoyed the sound of the horses' hooves against the hard ground.
Sara's horse Sanna was a pure Quarter Horse, whose full name was Sunshine Daisy, She was 18 y.o. just like Roxy, and 15 hands, also like Roxy.
The girls slowed to a walk to dismount and give their horses a drink.
"When are you getting your new horse?"Sara asked Jodi.
"He's not coming for another week!" Jodi exclaimed.
"Oh..That stinks, what was his name, and what breed?"Sara asked.
"His name is Yankie, And he's a Quarter Horse, He's Buckskin too!"Jodi exclaimed.
"Aww! That's a cute name, and i love Quarter horses!"
"Yeah, His name was Mister Judd, but i didn't like it!"
"Thats a weird name! I most definately woulda changed it too!"
"I'm glad i did! I can't see myself going to a show and the judge saying 'Next up is Jodi on Mister Judd!' Tha'd be soo funny!"
"Haha! Yeah, it would be!"
"So, Wanna hit the trail?"
"Sure! I'd love to!"
The two girls mounted their horses and galloped off down the road.

I know, its not too good...but i need an ending!!!! PLZ HELP!!!!!

I was a dreamer
Before you went and let me down.
VanillaBean is offline  
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post #2 of 13 Old 11-07-2008, 06:50 PM
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It's a cute start! just mix some more descriptions in between the conversations. You know, what grade are the girls in, how long have they known each other... what do the girls look like, things like that.... It's a good start....

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy"
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post #3 of 13 Old 11-26-2008, 01:56 PM Thread Starter
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Me and my friend have been working on it... sorry about all the lines and stuff! it was in an E-mailllllllll

Jodi and Sara had gone quite a ways in the woods when they saw a beautiful pond that looked crystal clear.
"You want to stop here for awhile and let the horses have a break?" Jodi asked looking down at Roxy who had worked up quite a sweat after the ride. "Sure!" Exclaimed Sara looking at the peaceful pond. "It's absolutely beautiful here!" They lithely jumped down off of Roxy and Sanna and took their riding boots off to go wading. After a little while of wading, the girls saddled their ponies and walked down the street, Roxy kept stumbling. "Sara, i need to check Roxy's shoes, i think she picked up a rock." Jodi said looking at her poor stumbling pony. "Uh oh, do you think she'll be ok?" Sara asked. "I don't know. Oh yes look at the size of this thing!!"Jodi exclaimed. "do you want to keep going....?" Sara said "Yeah, she's fine." Jodi said as she mounted Roxy. They trotted down the road and found a path that they had never seen before. "Do you think we should go down there?" Asked Sara quietly as they looked down the path. It looked somewhat dark and scary from where they were standing, and Sara wasn't sure she wanted to take the chance to go down that path. "Um, im not sure...what do you think?" Responded Jodi eyeing tha trail carefully. "Well how is Roxy's foot?" Asked Sara still a little afraid of taking that path. "She seems fine, but i've never been down there before." Replied Jodi. "Well, lets go down a little way, and see if we like the looks of it. If we don't, we can always come back out." Said Sara excitedly, glad that she had finally made a decision. "Agreed." Was all Jodi said in response, still not entirely sure what they were about to do was the best idea. They slowly headed in the woods with Sara in the lead. As soon as they got a little ways onto the path, things seemed to change...the woods were not the same dark color they had seen from the road. It was light and sunny in there, and they both agreed that the warmth on their faces felt amazing. "Wow...this is beautiful, want to keep going?" Jodi asked with a sparkle in her eye. "Yeah, wanna pick up the pace, too?" Sara asked happlily. "Sure, Roxy's fine now." Jodi said signaling Roxy to a trot. "Giddy-up pony"
As they went down the mysterious path a ways, the girls slowed their ponies to a walk. They were walking along, and singing, when Jodi stopped Roxy short.
"What's wrong?" Sara asked quietly.
"I heard somthing." Jodi said wearily "Hoofbeats".
"Im sure you are just imagining things." Replied Sara hopefully, but Jodi could tell that she wasn't entirely convinced.
"We've come this far," started Sara again "and its so beautiful why would we leave?"
"Well, i guess we can keep going..." Jodi said with her voice shaking.
They walked a few hundered feet when Sara stopped.
"I heard it!" Sara said.
Just then Sanna whinnied, and Roxy reared.
"Lets get outta here!" Jodi yelled urging Roxy into a canter.
They galloped down the trail for a while and Sanna stopped short, Sara went flying over her head.
"SARA! Are you okay?!" Jodi asked looking at her friend.
"MAN, what is her problem? Yeah I'm fine." Sara said grabbing her naughty pony.
But Sanna wan't paying attention to her owner, she was glaring off in the distance at some unseen object. Sara followed her pony's gaze, but she couldn't find anything abnormal about the area.
"I think the horses have had enough of this place." Jodi whispered. "Lets go home."
"Not a bad idea." Replied Sara gently hopping back up into her saddle.
Just then they noticed a sign on the trail that they hadn't seen on the way in.
"Baker's woods." Jodi read carefully. "I wonder if something happened in these woods that makes the horses nervous..."
"You think they can sense something like that?" Asked Sara looking down at Sanna whose nostrils were still flaring.
"I don't know, but we should research it at the library. If something bad did happen here it would explain there sudden behaviour changes." Said Jodi.
"I guess you have a point there," replied Sara, "because in all the times I have ridden Sanna she has never ever acted like this before."
The girls gently trotted home, and put their ponies out to pasture.
"Want to ride our bikes to the library?" Sara asked.
"Sure, Lets go." Jodi said looking off into the distance.
They got their bikes and rode up to the library. The went into the back section labled Town Records. They looked up Bakers woods, and found what they were looking for.
"Apparently 30 years ago exactly on today's date a certain William Baker was murdered by someone or soemthing that still has not been found...." Sara trailed off, looking really frightened now by the realization of what they had just discovered.
"Wait, William BAKER? Thats the name of the woods...so they named the woods after some unknown man who was killed by some unknown thing?" Asked Jodi.
"Apparently" sighed Sara still scanning the documents for anything she had previously missed.
"Wait a second..." Said Sara sounding like she had just found something worth their while, "Every year since then on this day something terrible happened, and the officials couldn't figure out what was going on in any of the cases."
"What happened?" Asked Jodi now feeling a chill go up her spine.

I was a dreamer
Before you went and let me down.
VanillaBean is offline  
post #4 of 13 Old 11-27-2008, 04:45 PM
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You are definitely on the right track. I think you should keep going and then once you have your storyline done you can go back and dress it up... but it's pretty interesting... I'll definitely be watching for the next installment!

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy"
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post #5 of 13 Old 01-28-2009, 08:00 AM
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Yea, that's very good! I'll definately be checking back!
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post #6 of 13 Old 02-04-2009, 12:20 PM
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I really like it!!! keep the good work up! ;)
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post #7 of 13 Old 03-19-2009, 04:07 PM
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i love it dont stop!
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post #8 of 13 Old 04-22-2009, 08:39 PM
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.................................................. .................................................. ..............................you have me hanging on the edge. keep going!!!!!!!
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post #9 of 13 Old 04-22-2009, 09:13 PM
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Oooh, a cliff hanger! I wanna know what happens!
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post #10 of 13 Old 05-17-2009, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
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haha it kinda got my imagination....

Some people were found murdered with hoofmarks all around them!" Sara said with a look of horror in her eyes.
"But horses wouldnt haunt people who didn't do anything to them...."Jodi said.
"Maybe it is one of those Centaur thingy's..." Sara replied.
"Those aren't real though!" Jodi said looking at her friend. "I thought you didn't beleive in stuff like that."
"Well...I dont know, but this is really creepy!"Sara said looking out the window.
"Oh my gosh Jodi, listen, Reports say that William Baker owned a black horse, who was never found after Williams death."Sara said wincing. "And no one who has gone down the path has come out alive."
"Are you sure those reports are valid?" Asked Jodi, feeling worse than horrified at the moment.
"Im not sure, but these reports sound very convincing." Replied Sara
"But we went down that path and nothing happened, so how does that work?" Asked Jodi trying her best to put sarcasm into her voice.
"I don't know for sure, but the reports also said that all the people that went down there were either on foot or on atv's." Said Sara "And listen to this, William Baker and his horse were both war heroes!" She said smiling brightly at her find.
"So maybe if someone goes down there on horses wont be killed?" Jodi said.
"I don't know........" Sara replied.
After looking through the files for a while longer, The girls went home. The lights in the barn were on.
"My mom must be out there, lets go see her." Jodi said walking to the barn.
When Jodi opened the barn doors Yankee was standing in the cross-ties, her mom, Jill, was brushing him.
"YANKEE!!!" Jodi yelled happily "How did he get here?" She asked her mom.
"John Baker called to ask if he could come early, I couldn't say no!" Jill said smiling.
"Sara, his name is Baker!!!!!!!" Jodi said.
Jill looked surprised at the girls sudden change of moods at the mention of the name Baker.
"Whats wrong girls? Jodi, I told you his name was John Baker before and you didn't even seem to hear me but now you look hoorified!"
"Um its nothing mom, we got to go to the house...bye!" She yelled as she grabbed Sara's hand and raised off towards the house.
"Wait! Don't you want to become acquainted with Yankee?" She called of into the darkness, but the girls were already slamming the door into the house.
"Do you see a coincidence here?!" Panted Jodi when they were safely behind the house door.
"Yea today is the day that William Baker and his horse were killed, and his decendent, John Baker, begged your mom to take Yankee today...." Replied Sara.
"I wonder why..." Jodi trailed off.
"This is too weird" Saraa whispered.
"I want to go see Yankee"Jodi yelled running out the door.
"Hey wait up!" Sara yelled back.
The girls ran to the barn.
"What was that about?" Jill asked Jodi.
Jodi and Sara told her the whole story.
"Oh, my that is quite odd..." Jill said after hearing the story. "Jodi, I told you not to go off the trails you know!"
"I'm sorry mom..." Jodi said running her fingers through Yankees long mane.
"Well, you girls are lucky you didn't get killed also!" Jill told them. "Sara, do you want to spend the night here?"
"Sure, i'll just call my mom, Thanks." Sara repilied.
That night the girls didn't get much sleep because they were constantly worrying about what was happening.
"This is way too weird." Said Sara wrapping herself up tighter in her blanket.
"We have to stop it somehow...this can't keep happening every year without someone or something being held responsible." Said Jodi.
"Are you thinking what i'm thinking?" Asked Sara seeing that Jodi just had an idea.
"If you are thinking we have to go back out there but this time we ride double on Yankee and see what happens so we can figure it out, then yes we are thinking the same thing." Jodi replied.
"Well, I was kinda thinking we should get something to eat, but ya that idea works too." She replied. The girls broke out in giggles.
"So we have to get there before midnight, so it can still be today's date, and we have to sneak out without my mom noticing." Jodi said.
They snuck out of the house, tacked up Yankee and both hopped on. They were on their way.
Yankee was very good for a horse who had never been ridden by these girls, and in the pitch black night.
Jodi slowed him to a walk so she could easily spot the path.
"Where is it?!" Jodi asked Sara.
"I don't know, oh right there!" Sara said.
They both held their breath as they walked into the darkness of the path.
"The hoofbeats!" Jodi whispered.
"Ohhhhh this is freaking me out........"Sara winced "We are so stupid, no one has ever come out alive!"
"I know what was i thinking?" Jodi asked.
Just then Yankee spooked, The girls stayed on but they were frightened. They saw somthing in the shadows.
"What was that?!"Sara yelled.
"I don't know..." Jodi breathed. It was a kind of crashing sound, but there was a gentle pinging in the background that made the crashing almost soothing.

I was a dreamer
Before you went and let me down.
VanillaBean is offline  

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