A little beginning - Page 2

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A little beginning

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        01-05-2010, 09:15 PM
    Mhm. That's what I thought about at first, and I think I'll go back and change it to that. What do you think of the third part? The birth scene is coming next, and I have to figure out exactly what I want to happen.
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        01-05-2010, 09:39 PM
    Hmmm..well, you could make it where, um, like the birth sak gets stuck and the foal can't breath. Or maybe she could birth prematurly with twins. Hmm....
        01-06-2010, 10:39 AM
    Your story is going really well

    Instead of changing it all, you could have her used as a surrogate broodmare. So the foal wont have any of her genetic material. They do it often with racers, where they take the best mare's and stally's embryo, but emplant it in another mare, so the good mare can still race.

    And a good thing could be, when the foal is born, the mare senses it is not her baby, even though it came from her and has her smell. Just and idea ;)
        01-06-2010, 12:53 PM
    Wow, this is amazing. You are such a fantastic writer. I love how the story is descriptive but it still has pace. Please write more, I'm totaally hooked.
        01-06-2010, 05:53 PM
    Awesome job shelby!! I agree keep writing!!!
        01-06-2010, 09:24 PM
    Thanks everyone! :) The next part (as I'm sure you can tell) will be the birthing scene. However, I've never seen a foal being born, so I'm not quite sure how to describe it! So please don't hate me if it's horrible!
        01-06-2010, 09:46 PM
    Here it is. I didn't even attempt to describe the birth, since I knew it would be horribly done.

    She was moved back to her stall, now clean of all but the rubber matts below her. A small amount of straw was brought in, as well as a bit of hay, in case she was hungry. She was, however, nowhere close to entertaining the thought of food.
    Around and around the stall she went, looking similar to a carousal. Every so often she’d stop, paw at the straw and the air, then dash off again, for another few rounds before she’d stop again.
    Soon every person, horse, bird and mouse in the barn was aware of what was happening. The foal was finally coming. All the long months of waiting had paid off for the copper mare, and though she was afraid, and more than a little nervous, she was excited. And so were the people.
    “Great mother…the father’s won tons of races- he’s retired now though…”
    “Shame…he was great…the mother’s still racing?”
    “Oh, yeah…that’s why they chose this one to have it- the mother can keep racing- keep bringing home the money!”
    Laughter, then silence as they observed the mare. She had begun to lay down, and stay down. Though the mare had no idea of what was happening inside, with her soon to be born foal, the people had many words for what was going on. She attempted to tune them out, but a few broken phrases wandered in.
    “Contractions…water broke…soon…”
    Suddenly, a great pain inflamed her belly, and she let out a loud, angry sound, somewhere between a whinney and a squeal. The pain was greater than anything she had ever experienced, especially as time wore on. The people immediantly lost their minds. They rushed into the stall, they poked and prodded her, everything became one swirling vortex of choas. And then, before she even knew that her foal had touched the ground, and took in it’s first breath…
    Darkness and peace overcame her.
        01-07-2010, 02:11 PM
    Great story! I'm keen to hear more! Hehe thanks for using one of my ideas :)
        01-07-2010, 02:15 PM
    Reqally good!! I like the idea of the suragot mother
        01-07-2010, 03:23 PM
    As you probably know horses that are too short can't race, or aren't given that chance so turning her into a broodmare was a good choice. Her dad could have it and it skips a generation - this happens a lot since genes are very unpredictable. Since she has superior bloodlines her father and stallion she was bred with could have long spindly legs. My mare has shorter legs but her foals have been tall. Its nothing to worry about.

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