the long journey... tell me i should go on - Page 2 - The Horse Forum

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post #11 of 33 Old 12-20-2010, 12:05 AM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
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okay change of plans... ill keep typing whatever-

The youngsters that fell recovered by the time the got to shore. They all enjoyed running again after staying still for two days. They all ran and kick and went crazy. What 1st went into their head was ...food... so they started looking for food. The had found an orchard in someones backyard. They trotted up and started to eat. Soon the owner of the property came out, grabbed a shovel, and made a large gash in the leaders haunches,he was in much pain. He started to drag himself along. At first he did not think he could make it....

If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.
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post #12 of 33 Old 12-20-2010, 12:08 AM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
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ill take any ideas, input ...etc literally I don't really know what to do next

If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.
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post #13 of 33 Old 12-20-2010, 12:11 AM
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I'm not good at giving pointers, but all I see is you need to capitalize after periods, and change 1st to first.

But that's just me being a grammar nazi.
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post #14 of 33 Old 12-20-2010, 07:27 AM
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I love it. It's cool. There could be a pregnant mare or something.
I am only 11 and you (lildonkey) inspire me. I'm goona ask you to be my friend.

Cowgirl: A better-looking cowboy with brains.

Life is short!! Hug your horse!!
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post #15 of 33 Old 12-20-2010, 02:58 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
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I know katesrider011... im purposely doing it

If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.
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post #16 of 33 Old 12-20-2010, 03:51 PM
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I noticed the same thing
If your going to write, you might as well get into the habit of doing it correctly.
Periods, and capitalization is part of that...
Now the dot dot dot.....
I don't know for sure where that fits in!
LOL
Keep it up...!

...............................
It's better to stand in mud, than manure!
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post #17 of 33 Old 12-21-2010, 05:08 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
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the herd leader kept limping along when he remembered he had two pregnat mares with him. He picked up his pace and tried to stop the herd, but they would not listen, he tried and tried and tried but soon gave up... would the mares stop the herd on their own? He didn't expect it because the mares usally didn't speak for themself. As they kept traveling, the mares not expecting special treatment, he gave it to them. They seemed to think he was crazy, didn't they know the were pregnat? Well, he knew they were for a fact and he continued to pamper them. After a week or so all of a sudden the started to drag themself along as well. He knew they'd have to stop... and soon.

Keep checking in to see what happens with this incredible journey.

If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.
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post #18 of 33 Old 12-21-2010, 07:57 PM
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I think it's great so far. You asked for suggestions so here are just a few. Where are they? After 2 days on the raft, where did they end up? What do they look like?
I think it is an interesting story.

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy"
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post #19 of 33 Old 12-23-2010, 04:02 PM
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I like it, Keep going And also just a tip, you could have started it off with "In the small town of Georgstown Australia, there lived a herd of wild horses", just to make it a little more interesting.
But keep going, im liking it so far

Cross Country- The act of hurling yourself and your equine partner at a stationary object with poise and grace while attempting to survive...
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post #20 of 33 Old 12-24-2010, 01:57 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
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suddenly, the mares collapsed! Every horse just saw the two mares collapse in the middle of India. They were all surprised except for the leader. Did the others know that they were pregnant? He doubted they did. They didn't pay much attention to what went on with other horses. One of the pregnant mares started to breathe deeply.
6 of the horses started wandering off because they got to impatient. The herd leader rounded them up and when they got back there were two adorable foals struggling to get up. After about 15 minutes the leader stuck his nose up in the air and gave a loud, shrill nicker. In the distance the herd saw a large pack of wolfs a few miles away. When the wolfs caught sight of the two struggling foals and started pounding toward the herd the whole herd ran off except for the mares and their foals. The leader turned and gave a long, worrying nicker. The mares turned around, looking at them with a stubborn look but then turned back around. Would they give up their own life just to save their newborn foals? This kept the leader worryed

If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.
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