My Sarcastic Essay about why my horse is against me...
I'm a highshool student in AP English 11 and this week's essay was to write about an inanimate object that goes out of its way to make your life harder. I don't think horses are inanimate objects but my teacher said animals counted so I wrote about my horse...
Critics are welcome! Write your own if you want!
Horses are useful for three things: moving an object from one place to another, making chores simpler, and making their riders look way more talented than they really are. However, my horses are all about making me look dumb. Dozer, my main mount, is a huge white and grey dinosaur that refuses to listen to me. Bart, my semi-retired pony, is a short, stubby brown ball of fluff who loves me and only me.
Calf-roping, cart-pulling, calf-sorting, and lugging around fat humans are a few of the things horses are supposed to be able to do. Key word: supposed. Many horses do do these things, my friends can point their horses in any direction and they will plod right along. Dozer however, is afraid of cows, lazy, and doesnít like to be ridden too often. Which means he is pretty much useless in all of those categories. He spooks at shadows and runs away, with or without me still on his back. That alone restricts my riding to my backyard arena. He wonít even let me ride him around my backyard outside of the fence without getting scared of something and running like a baby back into his stall or the arena.
Large breed horses, like Dozer, were bred to pull heavy objects and keep a calm temper no matter what was going on in the surrounding environment. They were useful for pulling heavy objects and guns during pre-technology wars. Some are still used to plow fields. Dozer however just gives me more chores. I have to walk all the way to my backyard just to toss him fifteen pounds of hay TWO WHOLE TIMES a day! And of course I have to clean out his stall so he can go to bed in a clean box, god forbids he actually potty-trains himself to go to the bathroom in ONE spot so he has clean areas to sleep and eat instead of going everywhere. I also have to exercise him and put on his huge, dusty, dirty blanket EVERYTIME it gets cold out so he wonít turn into a huge cotton ball. Dozer alone adds an hour and a half more chores than I would have without him.
Shows, performances, and contests are all created in the equine world for owners who want to show off their awesome horses but claim that itís all because of their riding or training. However, Dozer does NOT let me enjoy those kinds of things. Instead, he listens to what Iím saying to the other riders. If I say he feels like he is going to be a handful that day and talk about how hard it was just to get him to take a couple steps and get into the horse trailer that morning, he will be flawless. If I say he is being good, heíll run away. If I ask my horse trainer to watch me ride him because he is giving me issues, he will all of a sudden do everything I ask. If my trainer says everything looks good and walks away, heíll pick up those bad habits again.