New Book I'm Making...
 
 

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New Book I'm Making...

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        07-27-2011, 04:00 PM
      #1
    Green Broke
    New Book I'm Making...

    Hey guys! I like to write just for fun, and I had this idea of a book a long time ago but never got to writing it. So I started today and I have a page done, I thought I might as well share it and you guys can give me suggestions and stuff. Something I'm really bad at is starting a book so I'll show you what I've got and maybe it's okay, but maybe it's not and you can just...well suggest things for me and comment? Haha thanks!

    (I'll post it in a sec!)
         
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        07-27-2011, 04:08 PM
      #2
    Green Broke
    I stared out my window as we drove. Past huge green meadows and fields of corn.
    "We're almost there!!" My mom exclaimed clapping her hands like a little girl.
    I continued to stare out the window, my ipod playing music in my ears. My music, my band. The band I can no longer be a part of.
    I watched the shadow of our truck and horse trailer as we pulled into a long dirt driveway.
    "We're here!" My dad announced.
    "Oh my gosh, it's beautiful! Look at those pastures, they're huge! Oh, Satyra's going to gain so much weight out there!" My sister, Carlee, rambled on. Satyra is her hrose. I just sighed and leaned back in my seat.
    "Oh, man! This is totally insane! An indoor arena?! Isn't this great, Taylia?" Carlee exclaimed jumping up and down in her seat.
    "Yeah. Wonderful." I mumbled.
    We parked infront of a big red-and-white barn. There was a big blue-and-grey house to the left. Connected to the back of the barn there was a big indoor arena. Behind that was a round pen. To the right of the barn there were paddocks and an outdoor arena by the driveway. Trails were at the very back of the property with a creek running through them.




    Continuing later ;) So what do you think so far
         
        07-27-2011, 04:18 PM
      #3
    Green Broke
    "Okay, here we are. So, we'll each take two hroses and we'll walk them around. They're going to be stiff and have a lot of energy, okay?" Dad said.
    "Whatever." I grumbled. Carlee jumped out of the truck and ran right towards our huge trailor. I sighed and stepped out. I let my dog, Summer, and our barn cat, Stacie, out of the spacious tack room of our trailor and then made my way to the horses where Carlee already had Satyra and Kallie and was walking them out.
    Dad handed me Felicity and Dakota's lead ropes and I took them down the driveway to shut the gate.
         
        07-27-2011, 04:25 PM
      #4
    Super Moderator
    So far so good.... great job describing the places but we need some description on the people too!
         
        07-27-2011, 04:35 PM
      #5
    Green Broke
    Thanks, I'll get to that in a sec :)
         
        07-27-2011, 04:56 PM
      #6
    Green Broke
    I latched the gate shut and Felicity bent down and started nibbling on a tuff of grass at the side of the driveway. I pulled on her lead rope, then pulled a little harder.
    "Come on, you stupid horse!" I groaned. I noticed Dakota looking into the distance with his ears pointed forward and a car came from out of no where. It whizzed by and Dakota reared up and galloped towards the barn. Felicity pulledup her head and started trotting after him.
    "No, not you too!" I said pulling her in a circle. She stopped and stood beside me, staring after Dakota.
    'Great. One car in this whole town and it decides to go speeding by NOW.' I thought and started walking back to the barn.
    "What happened?" My dad asked me when I came near.
    "Some idiot sped down the road and spooked him." I told him.
    "Okay, well go get him." Dad said pointing to Dakota who was with the horse my mom was holding, Vegas.
    "Where do I put them?"
    "In the field for now. Put Felicity in with the mares and Dakota with the geldings."
    "Speak english, dad." I told him. He sighed,
    "Felicity with Kallie, and Dakota with Ben. I'm sure you know which one's which."
    "Yeah, yeah. Kallie the brown one and Ben is the cream one, I know." I said and walked towards Dakota.
    "Dun and Dunalino." Dad mumbled, but I ignored him. I grabbed Dakota and led the two horses to the field to turn them out.
         
        07-27-2011, 06:42 PM
      #7
    Green Broke
    The next week was annoying. We spent it unpacking, setting things up, fixing things, going out and doing chores.

    Summer was having the time of her life, running around the farm, her golden coat gleaming in the sunshine. In fact everyone seemed to love the place...Everyone except me.

    I miss my friends. I miss jamming with the band every Wednesday and Friday and fighting over who gets the solo in the newest song. They've probably already got a new guitar player and singer to replace me.

    I think of this as I brush out my long, straight, blonde hair on Saturday morning.

    I walk ou to the barn after I'm done. Maybe I can convince dad to send me to a boarding school. One that specializes in music so that I don't have to muck stalls and be around stupid hroses all the time, and I can spend my time singing and playing my guitar with a band who will make me famous. Smirking at the thought, I walk towards the barn. Carlee is jumping her horse in the outdoor sand arena, her curly almost-white-blonde hair in a ponytail bouncing behind her.
    "Aren't you supposed to turn out the horses?" I call to her.
    "She brings Satyra to a trot and calls back,
    "That's your job today. I muck stalls after yo uturn them out. Unless you wanna trade, I'd be perfectly happy-"
    "I'll do it, I'll do it!" I say holding up my hands. She smiles and brings her shiny black horse into a canter. 'crazy girl. She's only 12, I don't know why she's never fallen off that horse before with all the crazy things she's done with it. I mean I'm never going to ride a hors emuch less jump it.' I think.

    As I walk into the barn, my heart skips a beat. There in front of me, talking to my dad, is the most hansome guy. He's brobably about sixteen, a year older than me. He has brown hair and the most gorgeous hazel eyes.
    "Hello." I say trying hard not to blush 'deep breaths, deep breaths'
    "Ah, Taylia. This is Colt. He'll be helping us out. We'll really need the help when you get those horses from the rescue center."
    "Hi." He said with a smile

    "Can I help you with anything, honey?" Dad asked me
    "Uh, no. I was just going to start turning out the horses." I answered
    "Why don't you show Colt around while you're at it? I would say go on horseback and check out the trails, but wait! You don't know how to ride because you hate horses and always refuse to learn."
    "I know how to ride, I just choose not to." He raised his eyebrows at me.
    "Fine. Which horses do we take?" I snap
    "He can take Kemo, the Paint, and you can take Ben. He'll go nice and slow for you, he's perfect for beginners. Or maybe the pony, Sage, that way in you fall you'll only be about 3 feet from the ground." he teased
    "Very funny." I said and grabbed Ben's blue halter. 'I can't believe I'm doing this.' I thought.
         
        07-28-2011, 03:12 PM
      #8
    Green Broke
    CHAPTER 2:
    I got Ben and clipped the lazy horse onto the crossties. Neither him or Kemo were dirty so Colt and I picked their hooves and brushed out their manes and tails. That I could handle. Mom and dad's asked me to do that lots of times

    Dad got two saddles from the tack room and brought them in by their horns. The pads were laying ontop of them.

    He handed one-a black one- to Colt who thanked him and put it down beside Kemo and layed the pad on his back. Dad brought the other one- a light brown one- to be, but instead of giving it to me, he threw the blanket on himself and then put on the saddle. He started reaching under Ben's stomache to get the strap.
    "I can do it." I insisted. He backed away showing his hands and went to get the head thingies- halters? Bridles? Who could tell? I pulled on the 'belly-strap' like I've seen Carlee do. Somehow I got it so that it stayed up and then leaned againsed the wall and waited.

    Colt looked over and smiled. He walked over to Ben and started undoing the strap thing. I didn't protest because obviously he knew how to do this a lot better than I did...and besides, he's so cute. He undid it and looped it around twice...or well, that's what I caught anyways, he did it so fast- he obviously had expirience with this stuff. He pulled and then put the buckle in one of the holes.
    "And, what's that strap thing called?" I asked
    "A cinch." He replied.

    Dad came back with helmets and the horses' head thingies.
    "Here are your bridles." He announced and handed Colt one that matched the saddle. He came to me and started to but on Ben's for me. "No matter what you say, honey, I know you don't know how to do this." He told me and put something metal in Ben's mouth. I crossed my arms as he did up a buckle and handed me the reins and a helmet. He tossed one to Colt as well.
    "As I always say, 'it's cheaper to buy a helmet then to get surgery on your brain.'" Dad commented. I rolled my eyes and Colt smiled, that gorgeous smile of his.
         
        07-29-2011, 03:34 PM
      #9
    Green Broke
    We took the horses outside and put on our helmets. Dad pulled on the cinch one last time and it surprizingly went up 3 more holes. He boosted me up onto Ben and I put my feet in the stirrups. I held the reins in one hand and the horn in my other and kciked Ben to go and the lazy boy slowly took a step forward. It was like he was sleep walking, he was SO LAZY! Kemo was walking 5 times faster than Ben was and Kemo was double Ben's age. I kicked Ben to speed up and he did a little, but he still didn't match Kemo's quick pace. I flicked the end of the reins at Ben's bum like I've seen my dad do and Ben pirked up and did a quicker pace towards Kemo.
    "Is that Taylia?" I heard my mom say behind me. My dad grunted,
    "You tell me."
         
        08-02-2011, 10:14 AM
      #10
    Foal
    Hey cheyennes mom, I finally had time to read the rest of it, I think it's good! I'm interested enough to keep reading and I like how the characters are developing. I'm assuming you know this already, but there are a lot of writing forums online, on some of them you can get really helpful and constructive critiques of your work. The only one that comes right now is missliterati.com, it's mostly teens, but I check it out occasionally for the book reviews. Some of the writing on there is surprisingly good! I was going to suggest it on another thread too, for another person looking for writing feedback :)

    Are you still working on this story? I have to finish the sequel to Blaze of Glory; somehow the 2nd half is taking a lot longer than the 1st half did!
         

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