02-08-2010, 08:31 PM
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I like it too! Your great at writing
02-08-2010, 09:02 PM
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Ok ok here you go
Beep.........Beep.........Beep. Something was getting very annoying in my dream. The mist was starting to lift. I could see the waterfalls coming off the mountains like the time my parents took me to Hawaii. It was so clear. But the annoying beeping wouldn't stop.
“Amora..wake up. You have to get to work.” Kyle said as he shook me.
“I don't wanna.” I mumbled.
“Yes you do. You love your job, remember.”
I smiled without opening my eyes. Not as much as I love you, I thought. Sitting up I rested my head in my hands. I worked at a photography studio. Most of the time I did pictures of weddings and graduations. The owner of the company hired me before I had graduated high school. He helped me sign up for photography courses in college and was there taking pictures the day I graduated. I loved my job because my job was a huge part of my life.
“Come on sleepy head. I'll help. You get a shower and I'll get your clothes out for you.” He says, as he pulls open the top drawer.
I stopped breathing and sprang to my feet. Without even thinking I raced around the bed I slammed the drawer closed. Kyle yanked back his hands and stepped sideways. He didn't even try to hide the surprise on his face. I told him I could dress myself and made a joke about hiding something. He eyed me wearily as he walked out of the room. Opening the drawer I pulled out the test and pushed it under my mattress. I may be week but I'm not stupid, I thought. He had two hours before he had to be at work. It was obvious he would come back and look in the drawer. I hadn't thought about how he would take me guarding something I usually didn't care about. Just to make sure he didn't go searching around my room I wrote a fake number down and shoved it in the drawer.
An hour later I pulled up outside the portrait studio. The receptionist waved to me and told me that my first appointment was already back in the camera room. I hung up my jacket and walked into the room. A little girl sat on the prop table. Her mom was wiping something off her face. I smiled at them and got the camera set up. The little girl was very cute. She was about a year old, with blue eyes and wavy long blond hair. I could tell this was going to be an easy session.
“You must be Emily.” I said.
She smiled at me.
“Okay. Let's get this show on the road.”
I put the little girl in a wicker chair and gave her a teddy bear. Her mom had already filled out the papers saying what she had wanted when she scheduled the appointment. So the whole entire time she just sat there quietly watching her daughter and smiling. The form said “old fashioned style pictures” so I was going to do them all with our older props. The little girl looked cooperative as she sat there with the little bear on her lap. I clicked a few pictures and pulled out the old rocking horse. Just as I was lifting her onto the I smelled something. I don't know if it was something she had ate or something that the receptionist had but it made my stomach cramp. I put my hand to my mouth.
“I'll be right back.” I told the little girls mother as I rushed to the bathroom.
I was going to puke...I wasn't going to puke.....I was sooo going to puke. I made it to the toilet and just sat there. I wasn't going to puke. Heat flushed over my body. I slowly got up and bent over the sink. The urge to stick my head under the faucet was so overwhelming. My breath was shaky and my head was spinning. I let a good five minutes pass before I walked back into the camera room. The mom gave me an unsure look.
“Do you want us to reschedule our appointment?” She asked.
“No. No.” I said. “What I have is not contagious. We can get this done in no time.”
She smiled at me like she knew what I was talking about. I know I blushed a deep shade of red. The rest of the session went without a glitch. After it was over I went out into the lobby.
“Kelly. I'm not feeling too well. How many appointments do I have left?” I asked the receptionist.
02-08-2010, 09:03 PM
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“Ummm...” She opened the appointment book. “Two and they are this afternoon. Do you want me to call Brad?”
I nodded. “Yes, could you do that for me? Tell him I'll be back to work tomorrow.”
She gave me a confused look but didn't say anything. I picked up my coat and purse and walked straight to my car. The cold air felt good. The seasons were changing and I was suddenly glad for the oddly cold day. For a second I didn't feel like going home. I was just going to sit in the car and wait until I stopped feeling dizzy. It started to get cold in the car so I started it up and headed home. A few blocks away the smell of skunk wafted through the heater and into my car. My stomach lurched heavily. I pulled over, opened my door and promptly threw up everything I had eaten for the past few days. After my stomach was empty of everything, and I mean everything, it contained I felt a lot better. Ignoring the mess I had made I shut the door and drove home.
When I got to the apartment I nearly threw up again. Isaac had left a dozen red roses on the door step. There was a note on them that said “I'm sorry”. Gag. Stepping over them I unlocked the door and went straight to the couch. On the way I thought about taking a shower but the couch seemed like a much safer idea. Turning the TV on I shoved a pillow under my head and quickly passed out.
Kyle found me lying on the couch, softly snoring away. The next thing I knew I was being bounced off the couch because he had jumped on it. It was the worst thing he could have done. As soon as he landed I launched myself into the bathroom to say hello to our porcelain bowl. Kyle was in the doorway right after me, watching me get rid of stomach fluid. He asked me if I was okay. Rolling my eyes I sarcastically told him I was. Giving him the evil I pushed past him and sat back down on the couch. He grabbed the remote and changed the channel to the news. I could feel the tension rolling off of him and it made me uneasy. Finally he got up from the couch and went into his bedroom with the phone. Probably calling Isaac about the flowers, I thought as I laid back down.
Putting my hand on my belly I started to think to myself about what was really happening. I was going to have a baby. This was going to be my baby. Would I be a good mom? Would I be able to protect the baby? Was he going to be there? I heard the click of his bedroom door as he shut it. Looking up I saw him come into the room. He sat down beside my legs and starred at me, blankly.
02-08-2010, 09:04 PM
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“I just got off the phone with your sister.” He said.
I swallowed. “And?”
“She won't tell me anything. Turns out she knows something, of course, but she won't tell me what it is.” He said.
Of course, I thought. “How do you know she knows something?”
“Well, because she told me to ask you.” He replied.
I blushed. “She probably just meant that if there was something you should ask me.”
“What if I know there is something?” He commented.
“What do you think you know?”
“I don't know what it is...but I should.” He replied quietly.
This could be my chance to tell him....but I couldn't. “It's nothing. I just don't feel good. It might be the stress of the past few months or something.”
He paused. “Okay. Well...I got to get back to work. You stay, relax and get better. Isaac isn't coming over today so we can talk.”
He kissed me on the forehead and walked out the door. When he was gone I sat up to get my cell. Before I could dial my stomach started growling. I realized that I hadn't eaten anything at all. I settled with an apple and a bottle of water. Taking a bite I punched the numbers into my phone.
“Amora....why aren't you at work?” My sister answered, without even saying hello.
“I'm sick.” I replied.
“Ohhh...... You know your Kyle would make a great husband.” She stopped herself. “Well.. if he wasn't gay and all. He is extremely intuitive.”
“I know he is. What did he ask you?”
“He asked me if you were upset about Isaac. He asked if you had something going on with Eric. He asked why you were sick. Hell, he asked all sorts of things.” She paused. “Then he said he was going to be late for work and hung up.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him I would be upset about him and Isaac if I were you. BUT I didn't know if you were.......I said that I haven't heard anything about you and Eric. I told him you'd better stay away from him, he's trouble and you know it. I told him that if he needed to know what was wrong he should ask you.” She explained.
02-08-2010, 09:05 PM
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Crap...Eric. “Hey. I'll call you back. I need to cancel a date again.” I exclaimed and hung up before she could say anything.
I dialed Eric's number, hoping that he wouldn't answer.
“Hello?” Darn it.
“Hey...uh.... I'm not feeling well. Can we go out some other time?” I mumbled.
“No. You must come tonight. I have reservations and a tux!” He whined, jokingly.
“Okay, I'll come if you provide the barf bag. I think I caught something from one of the kids at work.” I said, adding a fake cough.
He paused. “Ick. How about I come over and sit with you tonight? We can order pizza and watch a movie?”
Kyle was supposed to talk to me after work. Kyle or Eric...Eric or Kyle? Oh..how lovely to see the expression on Kyle's face when he finds his ex-friend here. Kyle could talk to me until Eric came. “Fine. But if you catch something it's not my fault. Come around seven?”
“I'll be there.” He said and hung up.
The rest of the day went by rather slow. I got a call from my boss asking if I was okay and when I'd be back to work. I told him I was sure I could come in the next day because it was just a few clients. I explained to him the real reason, he deserved to know. It felt odd that he was the first person to congratulate me. Thanking him I hung up and stretched out on the couch in front of the television.
About ten minutes before four Kyle walked in carrying a Walmart bag. I couldn't even remember the last time he had been to a Walmart. He sat down beside me and put the bag on his lap.
“I want you to promise me something, Ams. Promise me that you'll do me a favor?” He begged.
My heart skipped. “What sort of favor?”
“Just promise me.” He pleaded.
At this point I actually didn't know what to think. My eyes were trained on the bag but my mind was a million miles away. For one stupid moment I thought he was using a Walmart bag to disguise an engagement ring. The curiosity of it had me. “I promise.” I stupidly replied.
“I want you to take this into the bathroom.” He said, as he pulled out a pregnancy test.
I could have sworn I fainted. It felt like I did. My heart was pounding and tears were already building up. At the precise moment I looked into his eyes I knew that he knew. I knew that he just needed confirmation. Heat overtook my body. It was almost more than I could bare. I did however manage to speak.
03-03-2010, 11:41 PM
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“Ugh.” Well sort of.
“Are you afraid?” Kyle asked.
“Af...fraid?” I muttered, wishing I was dreaming.
He grabbed me by the arm and half pulled me into the bathroom. I could tell he was nervous. He fumbled with the box the test was in. The test was an EPT, it was twice as expensive as the one I had bought. Kyle quickly read the directions and took off the plastic end.
“I don't think the test would have the same affect if I peed on it...” He said. I noticed I hadn't moved from the spot he had pulled me to. I shifted. “Come on, you aren't going to make me pull down your pants are you?”
I shook my head and slowly pulled down my jeans. Now was the moment of truth. Sighing, I sat on the toilet. On one hand I was more frightened than I had ever been in my life...on the other I was glad that he would finally know the truth. I took the test from him and held it where it needed to go. It took awhile to summon up the courage to pee in front of him. When I finally did I handed him the test and walked out of the bathroom, past him and into my bedroom.
Glancing at the clock beside my bed I knew it wouldn't take long. The one I had taken in the bathroom at the grocery store only took a few breathless seconds. I heard him slam something and curse. I was so numb, not being able to cry or even think. I just sat there starring at the door.
He came in and sat down on my bed, in front of where I was standing. Tears fell down his face. He held the test tightly in his hand. I didn't know what to tell him. I could have said that it was my fault. I had stopped taking birth control when I found out he was seeing Isaac. I could have told him it was his fault because he was the first to ask for sex. All I could do was collapse into his arms and onto his chest. He hugged me for dear life and I felt safe enough to finally cry with him.
I woke up about an hour before Amora's alarm clock was supposed to go off. My head hurt from thinking so much. I knew I was just trying to find another reason for what was going on. Anything but what actually had me up all night. For the first half hour I just sat there and starred at her. Wondering if she knew something that I didn't know. I wanted so badly to get to the bottom of all of this. I was almost itching inside. I got up and took a real quick shower, hoping to clear my head. Leaning against the wall of the shower I heard Amora's alarm go off. I called out to her as I slowly got out of the shower. She didn't answer. I tried to raise my voice, which made my head hurt even more, as I pulled on my boxers. She didn't wake up. I walked into her room and shook her.
A little drop of saliva hit her pillow as she slowly woke up. She complained about he job as she wiped it away. Shaking my head I reminded her that she loved her job. I could tell by the smile that she didn't need the reminder. I walked over to her dresser to help her get ready. Sometimes I put her clothes away, so I knew where everything went. Yanking open the top drawer I started to grab a pair of pants. I heard her get up and I looked over my shoulder to see what she was doing. She looked like she had seen a premonition. She reached toward the drawer. For a split second I forgot my fingers were pretty much still in there. I yanked them up and moved away from her. What gives? What's in the drawer?
“I can do it. I want to wear something specific.” She exclaimed.
“What's wrong with you? You have a diary I don't know about?” I asked.
“Yes...” She laughed. “A dairy that could make millions in book stores.”
“Ohhh....K.” I said. “Well... Guess I'd better get off to work. Wouldn't want to miss the release of your diary.”
I walked into my room and shut the door behind me. I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Hearing her take a shower I tried to remember when her last period was. Not being able to remember scared me. I jumped when she yelled goodbye and walked out of the apartment. When she left I walked into the bedroom and pulled the top drawer open. Shuffling her socks around I found a little slip of paper with some guy named Austin's number on it. I was expecting to see a new diary or maybe even something saying she was pregnant. Maybe after how I acted toward the condoms she didn't want me to get upset about another guy.
After I got dressed and got into my car I started to feel confused. The mystery of her last period was riding on my mind. Usually when she was on her period she'd sleep in her room. She hated having sex while she was on her period. I was so caught up in Isaac that I forgot when she usually started.
As I turned onto the road where I worked I saw Walmart. I knew it was there but never really had the urge to go inside. Without a second thought I pulled in and walked inside. I walked straight to the pregnancy tests. Suddenly I felt out of place. I had never liked large chain stores. They just creeped me out. Grabbing a test, I quickly walked to the self check out. I don't even remember what type of test I grabbed. Although I did notice that it said 99% accurate on the front of the package. That must mean something, I thought.
I had only been working here for a little over a year. Unlike Amora I wasn't into college and after getting several certificates I decided that I would rather work than stay in school. I took a job at a major bank, in correspondence with several automobile dealerships, where I kept records and made those rude calls everyone hates, reminding them their payment is late. The only reason I liked the job was because it paid well and I was hoping I'd get a huge discount on a new car. I went through the beginning of the day totally zoned out. I had to work out a list of people to call. The list began with people who had a month before their cars were going to be processed for re-possession. It ended with people who were only a few days past their grace period. After an hour of starring blankly at the compute screen I decided to go home for lunch early. Looking at the clock I noticed I had fifteen minutes until I could clock out for lunch. I had to get out of here. Grabbing my jacket I walked out the back door and climbed into my car.
I drove home with only one thing on my mind. When I pulled into my spot I noticed that Amora's car was there and wondered what was going on. I ran up the steps. There were flowers on the porch from Isaac. At first I was going to just leave them there but thought better of it and took them in with me. Aamora was asleep on the couch snoring like a train. The sudden urge came through me to surprise her. I flung myself over the edge of the couch and sent her flying. Pure shock crossed her face. She turned a clear white and raced to the bathroom. She started wretching before I even made it to the doorway. My stomach turned as I watched her grabbing the edge of the toilet.
03-03-2010, 11:44 PM
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“Wow!...Are you Okay?” I asked.
“Fine. Well. Now at least. Don't bounce me around like that. I don't feel good.” She said, sounding almost sarcastic.
“I was wondering what you were doing home.” I mumbled, sitting back down on the couch.
She looked at me. “Yea, I thought it'd be safe if I didn't give anyone my germs.”
“Do you need anything? Chicken soup? Seven Up? A bucket?” I teased. Or a pregnancy test, I thought.
She sat on the couch and pushed her legs behind me. Trying to keep from asking her if she was pregnant I turned on the news. Too much crap was racing through my mind to pay attention. I couldn't process a thing the reporter was saying. Irritated, I got up and made myself a sandwich and grabbed a pop. I needed to talk to somebody and Amora wasn't that person. Walking into my bedroom I dialed her sister's number.
“Lo?” I heard the tension in her voice.
“Hey, Kayla...It's Kyle.” I offered.
“There is a such thing as caller I.D. Kyle.” She replied flatly.
“Oh...Uh...Hey. Do you know what is going on with Amora?” I asked. Half knowing she wouldn't tell me if she did know anything. Half hoping she would tell me anyway.
She paused. “What do you mean?”
“Uh...She has been acting kind of...odd lately. She won't tell me anything. I was just wondering if maybe she told you...something?” I hoped out loud.
“Odd?” She asked.
“I mean...Is it me? Is she mad at me or something?” I said, avoiding the real questions. Just tell me, I thought.
“Hell, I'd be mad at you if I was her. You are seeing a guy and keeping her on the side. I don't know if she is still mad about all of that but I would be. Do you eve know what you're doing?” She pushed.
I winced. I didn't want to be preached at. “Is there something going on between her and Eric?”
“Why would you think that?” I heard her switch the phone to her other ear.
“He called her last night. Something about a date.” I began. “I thought maybe she was seeing him or something....”
“Oh God! I hope she doesn't even go there.” Kayla gasped. Eric and her had something going on in high school. It didn't last long and it practically ruined my relationship with Amora. “Kyle..If you want to find out something from her maybe you should ask her.” She stated.
I took a bite of my sandwich. “You know she won't tell me anything if she thinks it'll affect me.”
“Well...Do you expect me to tell you?” Kayla asked simply.
“I was hoping you would.” My mind raced. “So there is something?”
She took a deep breath. “Ask her Kyle. Don't ask me. The most I can tell you is that she needs you.”
I shook my head. “I know she does. I just wish I knew why.”
“Well.... I have to get off here and give this child of mine a bath.” She said.
“Okay. Thanks.” I said and hung up.
I ate the rest of my sandwich and walked into the living room. Trying to get Amora to tell me what was going on. I told her that I called her sister. She still wouldn't tell me anything. I felt frustrated, frightened and confused. I made her promise to wait up for me until I got off work. Hating myself for not bringing the test in when I saw that she was home, I closed the door behind me. I just needed to know and it was driving me crazy. I punched my car door as I got in. It didn't make things better.....how could I be so stupid?
Work went extremely well when I started calling people. For some reason me being so frustrated gave me the ability to deal with rude people. Where I usually tried to help them out, I was telling them plainy how it was. Suddenly, I was getting more results from the customers who wanted to keep their cars. I got the list finished early and told my boss that I was going home. The Walmart bag was tucked in between the front seats. My hand was on it the whole entire time. When I got home I opened the door and walked up the steps. I needed to know what was going on and I need to know now.
Without even hesitating I walked right in the front door and sat down next to Amora. I asked her for the biggest favor I could ever picture myself asking. The look on her face was a little curiosity mixed with fear. She wanted to know what was in the little brown bag that I had in front of her. Half trusting me, she agreed and promised me that she would do whatever I asked of her. My breath quickened as I pulled out the test. Her body went stiff. I told her to take into the bathroom. I could see her the moisture in her eyes as the color drained from her face. I knew that she must of at least thought of the possibility because she looked so frightened of the little box.
Suddenly I wanted to rewind time. I didn't want to be in this position. I felt like the birds were going to stop singing outside of everyone's windows and there would never be a rainbow again. Like all the happiness in the world was paused. Quietly I asked her if she was scared...because I knew I was. I could feel the tension that had quickly grown between us.
03-03-2010, 11:45 PM
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Grabbing her gently by the arm I pulled her into the bathroom. Shaking, I almost dropped the test twice as I tried to open it. Passing over the instructions I handed the applicator to her. It didn't seem to hard. It didn't seem like something that could change my life forever. Amora was shaking beside me....Make that change our lives forever.
“You aren't going to make me pull down your pants are you?” I nervously asked.
Shaking her head she pulled down her jeans and took the test out of my hand. I sat there starring at her, or past her, trying to think about something else...without success. It took her while to pee on it and when she did she practically threw the test at me and ran out of the bathroom. I placed the plastic piece on the part that she had peed on and placed the test on the bathroom sink. Within a matter of second two lines appeared in the little window. At first I was relieved because I honestly thought two lines meant that she wasn't pregnant. I picked up the box and flipped I over. Horrified I realized my assumption was wrong. I dropped the test and fell back into the bathroom wall. The corner of the sink jabbed into my side.
“****!” I yelled, out of shock and frustration.
I got up and picked up the test. Looking at it again I willed the lines away. Why didn't she tell me? Did she already know? Why did it have to be this way? What did I do wrong? I walked out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind me, and into her bedroom. She was standing by her bed and all I could think to do was sit down before I fell. I don't know where the tears came from but they were suddenly dripping down my face.
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell her I was sorry that I hadn't been there when she needed me. I wanted to ask her how this could of happened. I wanted to tell her that I didn't know what I wanted to do. But all I could do was sit there and let the pain take over me. She curled herself into my lap and I wrapped my arms around her. Holding onto her because she needed it as mush as I did. She let the tears come and I hear her mumble that she was sorry.
I guess we fell asleep just like that. On the floor in each other's arms. We didn't hear the knocking and in his hurry to find out the truth Kyle had left the door opened a little. Isaac let himself in and he found us laying together. The positive test lying right beside Kyle's hand. The mostion of him coming into my room wake me. Starring at him I pressed myself off Kyle. Isaac was a handsome guy, with dark almost blue black hair and bright brown eyes. He stood well over six foot and when he was angry you could tell it on his face. He looked from the test to me and his stance changed.
“Is it Kyles'?” He asked.
I didn't know how to reply. I was afraid of what he'd do if I told him. I used the hand that I was propping myself up with to nudge Kyle....but he didn't stir.
“Is it his?” He asked again, adding force.
That woke him up. He shifted himself so he could see what was going on. He looked from Isaac to the test and then to me. Shocked that Isaac was there he grabbed the test and stood up. Isaac changed his expression to disgust or disgrace, I couldn't tell. He kept his eyes on me for a second and then moved them to Kyles'.
“Is it yours?” Isaac said, almost to the point of desperation. His ears moved back as he tensed his jaw.
“Isaac....I...” Kyle began. Isaac didn't give him a chance. He walked up to Kyle and smacked him right across the face. Kyle's face flung to the side. He let it stay there. Isaac gave me a dirty look. Bringing himself to full height he mumbled something about me being a **** and walked out. Kyle looked at me. I could tell he could see the utter shock that was displayed on my face. A loud crash made me jump.
03-05-2010, 10:02 PM
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“It's okay.” He said as his jaw ticked, where a red welt quickly formed.
He walked out of my room and into the living room. Stopping dead when he got to the couch. Apparently on his way out Isaac decided to ruin the flowers he had given Kyle. They were splayed across the floor and the glass vase they had been in lay broken in the middle of them. Water and pedals were everywhere and the front door was wide open. I quietly closed it and started to pick up the roses. Kyle walked up behind me.
“Are you sure it is mine?” I heard him whisper.
“Kyle.” I turned to him. How disappointing could he get? “You are the only guy I have ever....EVER...slept with. Whether you believe me or not is your choice. I can do this on my own or I can do it with you.”
“Do what?” He asked.
“Raise OUR baby.” I shot at him. He winced.
“You...You are going to have it?” He questioned.
I was thoroughly shocked. Anger flashed through me. How many times had I told him that I could never have an abortion? Does this person even know me anymore? “Kyle?”
“I don't know Amora. I don't know what to do.” Kyle stammered with his head down. The angry red mark flashing across his face.
“You?” I exhaled. “You don't know what YOU are going to do? Well... I know what I AM going to do.”
Kyle slowly looked down at the test in his hand. What was he thinking?, I wondered. Was he thinking about the same things that I did? “Kyle...this is your son or daughter we are talking about. If you decide in the future you don't want to be with m.... a woman this might be your only chance to have a legitimate child.” His eyes softened as he continued to stare at the test. “You know this doesn't have to mean we have to be together. If you are happier with Isaac all you have to do is say something.”
He wagged his head back and forth. “I don't know what I want now. This complicates things.”
He starting throwing questions at me. Wasn't I using birth control? Why didn't I tell him I was late? Those questions didn't bother me as much as when he asked me if I had known. I didn't know what to say. I just sat there starring at him. There was a knock on the door. For a brief moment I thought it might be Isaac coming back until I suddenly remembered Eric. Kyle got up and answered the door before I could. There stood Eric, complete with a teddy bear and a card. I could imagine myself years from now looking back on the moment and laughing out loud. But it wasn't funny. Kyle's face sunk as if Eric had broken his heart.
“Amora Lynn, did you not tell Kyle I was coming?” Eric said with a cocky smile.
Looking down I realized that I had not brushed my hair or put make up on. I blushed. “I forgot. I must of slept too long.”
Eric saw all the water on the floor. Thankfully that kept him from seeing Kyle shove the test in his pocket. Kyle walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead. “I'm going to go. We can talk when I get back.”
I nodded and smiled politely as he walked out. Eric handed me the bear with the Get Well card and we sat on the couch. I read over the card and thanked him for it. Even though the message was cheesy and didn't really apply to anything.
“Well...where do you want pizza from?” He asked.
“You order it. I'm not picky.” I replied.
He shrugged his shoulders and picked up the phone book. Eric ordered a supreme with garlic bread. I decided that I would have to mention to him later that I didn't really like supreme pizza. But I had told him I wasn't picky, so I kept my mouth shut.
“Do you want to order a movie or watch TV?” He asked.
“Let's put something in.” I suggested.
I handed him the first movie that lay beside the television and he put it in. My mind was so mentally exhausted that I couldn't pay real attention to what we were watching or what was going on. I don't even know how I was staying awake. When the pizza came I was almost asleep on the arm of the couch with my feet neatly tucked on Eric's lap. I sat up as he handed me a piece and he started talking about how much he hated high school. I tried to contribute to the conversation but I couldn't even keep track of what he was saying. Instead I sat there quietly and nodded my head while I attempted to stomach the greasy not nearly done slice of pizza he had given me.
It felt like forever when he finally told me he had to go. He leaned in like he was going to kiss me. My stomach threatened me with a sharp pain. I must have changed a few shades of grey because he backed off and just took my hand.
“I'm sorry you're not feeling good.” He said. “Hope you get better.”
“Me, too.” I told him. “Sorry I was such a bore.”
“No. Not at all. I'll call you.” He said. I closed the door behind him.
Kyle woke me in the middle of the night. It must have been lat because I was still exhausted. He picked me up and carried me into his bed. I felt him put his hand on my stomach before I drifted off.
03-05-2010, 10:11 PM
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I didn't remember falling asleep with Amora in my arms. I did remember waking up to Isaac's angry face. His eyes were filled with anguish. At first I didn't comprehend why he was so upset. I thought maybe it was because he had founding us asleep together. Then it all came back to me. The anxiety, the test, the tears... all of it flooded over me. I looked down at the test. For a moment I just wanted to disappear. Isaac interrupted my thoughts. He wanted to know if it was mine. I knew it was. In my heart I knew that Amora had not slept with anyone else. Lowering my head, I told him that I was sorry, even though I wasn't. This had nothing to do with him.
Before I could even explain myself he stepped over to me and slapped me across the face. I felt my head snap to the side as the sting of his hand took over. I heard him call Amora a ****. As soon as the words came out of his mouth I felt like killing him. He left before I could do anything. I heard him throw something glass. The sound ripped through me like a thousand knives. How can my mind handle so many emotions at once?
When I walked out into the living room I nearly screamed in frustration. The flowers that he had left me earlier lay scattered across the floor. It was a veritable “I love you not” smacking me right where he had hit me. Amora started to pick up all of the pedals as I sat down at the table. I know that I shouldn't take my anger out on her but I needed to know what was going on. I asked her about the baby being mine. For a second disappointment flashed across her face and I thought that she was going to leave me too. She wanted to have the baby, she told me. I was glad that she did but I was unsure why.
“I'm having this baby with or without your help.” She threw at me.
I thought that over. “How did you get pregnant, Amora? I thought you were on birth control? How did this happen?”
She grew somber. “I stopped taking birth control when you introduced me to Isaac. I didn't think I'd need it anymore.”
“You missed your period?” I half asked, half assumed.
She nodded slowly. “The last one.”
I put my hands on my knees. “So you already knew?”
She didn't answer and I was going to question her again when someone knocked on the door. Protectively I went to the door, thinking it was Isaac. I pulled it open quickly. When I saw who it was my heart sank. I shoved the test in my pocket and glared at him. He stepped past me with his stupid bear. If my mind would have been with me I would have heard what he said. All that crossed me was his cocky tone. I wanted to tell him that she was pregnant with my baby. See how he liked that. He had no right to be here. Instead I did what a coward would do..I left.
I started up my car and drove. It didn't matter where I went or how long it took to get there, I just needed to drive. Thoughts of me being a father kept running threw my head. I swerved into the other lane and cursed. What was I going to do?
Amora obviously wanted to have and keep this baby. In a way that made me happy. The thought of her ending it or giving the baby up was hard to process. But Amora as a mother or.... me as a father... That thought hadn't been a possibility. I had no doubt that Amora would be a good mother. I had no doubt the baby would have everything it needed.... Except..maybe me. Would I be a good father? Did I even want to be?