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The Opposite of a Dream Horse

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  • Oppsite poems about horse

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    12-10-2012, 04:28 PM
  #11
Green Broke
Oh man, more more.
     
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    12-10-2012, 04:33 PM
  #12
Banned
Can't follow it, the characters are not likable or realistic (crying because someone disciplined your horse, really?) and the story seems generic. Good luck with continuing it though.
     
    12-14-2012, 01:57 AM
  #13
Weanling
Ok first I'll have some dinner!
     
    12-14-2012, 02:11 AM
  #14
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tianimalz    
Can't follow it, the characters are not likable or realistic (crying because someone disciplined your horse, really?) and the story seems generic. Good luck with continuing it though.
Why thank you for the crtitique. You do realise that Rust just turned his head a little and got slapped for it? And guess what? It actually happened to my horse once. And the girl in this story is a child, and she didnt actually cry, she almost did. Thank you again. A bit of critique is what every writer needs.
     
    12-14-2012, 02:36 AM
  #15
Weanling
Chapter 5

As I watched the new horse trying to pull the fence apart, I tried to start a conversation with Faye, again. "So...um...what is is name?" I asked clumsily, looking down at Rust's round hooves. "He doesn't have one yet. But I intend to register him as Rust And Fame." I stifled a gasp. Rust And Fame? But that was almost the same as Rust's registered name, Rust 'n Dust! My dad had made that name up and Faye had seemed jealous of the good idea from the start. My pony's rust-coloured coat with a sprinkle of light grey hairs made him a pretty looking roan and Faye had disapproved of him. Maybe because her horses were both bay and Faye liked 'unusual' horses. Poor Buoy and Roger. I liked bays a lot. But why, if she finally wanted a horse with 'serious bling' p, as she called it, why had she gotten a chestnut? And a furious one, too. The animal was still leaping about, yanking on the rope and stamping his hooves. I didn't say anything to Faye. "Why, isn't it a nice name?" she asked me. "Uh...well..." I tried not to sound selfish. "It's very similar to my horse's show name...and uh...yeah." I couldn't find a good enough reason why Faye couldn't use that name for her horse. She eyed me suspiciously and then shrugged and went over to the new horse. He stopped for a second, glaring at Faye amd then continued to pull at the poor fence. "Oi, stop that!" Faye hollered and gave the horse a smack on the rear end. He leapt high in the air and flared his nostrils with rage. "This horse is in pain or just plain stressed." I thought, watching with my hand on Rust's shoulder. The romping creature didn't seem to have any noticeable wounds on him, but maybe there was something wrong inside...
Faye grabbed his halter and jerked it downwards several times, causing the horse to stop fidgeting. "Ugh, I need some help here..." Faye grunted while she hung onto the horse. I didn't really want to help this woman but I really wanted to get up close to this horse, even tough he was fuming with anger, or pain. So I climbed the fence and walked slowly towards the horse amd Faye, my riding boots scuffing through the short grass. The horse didn't notice me, or maybe he didn't want to. Faye signalled me to come closer. "Quick, undo the catches of the rug for me." she said. Why couldn't she manage her own horse? I carefully advanced on the chestnut. He rolled his eyes and opened his nostrils wide suspiciously. "It's okay..." I muttered to him, extending my hand. Immediately, the horse's ears shot flat against his head and his angry face rushed towards me with bared, yellow teeth.

End of the chapter I'll write some more when I have time
HorseCrazyTeen likes this.
     
    12-14-2012, 09:30 AM
  #16
Yearling
This evil horsie sounds like one I use to know... hahha
     
    12-14-2012, 04:06 PM
  #17
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThoroughbredJumper    
this evil horsie sounds like one I use to know... hahha
Lol
A friend of mine used to have one like that
     
    12-17-2012, 03:19 AM
  #18
Green Broke
I'm enjoying it - I look forward to hearing more!
     
    12-17-2012, 03:42 PM
  #19
Weanling
I'll wrote some more when I get time
     
    01-07-2013, 06:00 PM
  #20
Foal
I like it!!! Please write more. Its a very good story.
     

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