Possible Book Idea? - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 14 Old 06-18-2013, 12:10 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northwest Florida
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Thank you ladies for joining in to help her become a better writer of her great story ideas. It has the draw for attention and just needs help to keep our focus.

I didn't want to give examples of how I would write it so that she could make it her own in how she fixed it, but the way you did it should help her figure out how to make it her own.

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post #12 of 14 Old 06-18-2013, 04:36 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
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Thank you so much for the replies! I love all of the help you all are giving me. I am going to work more on the story today and keep all of your suggestions in mind and post some more of the story. I know in the first version of the story I made Aloiki a very upbeat and happy character. I think I am going to change him drastically. I will probably add the upbeat Aloiki as a different person in the story. Thanks again!
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post #13 of 14 Old 06-18-2013, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
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Originally Posted by Tracer View Post

I hope this doesn't put you off - this isn't criticism, it's critique. I look forward to seeing how you go. You definitely have a talent, you just need to polish it. Heck, I've been a 'writer' for years and I still need a lot of work!
Thank you so much! This helped me tons! I have been trying to figure out how to make my sentences have more of a variety. I love the way it flows now after making those changes you suggested.
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post #14 of 14 Old 06-20-2013, 01:55 PM
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Britain
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You know what, that is brilliant! I know I'm just a kid, but you should finish that and send it to a publisher! I am hooked!
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