Thank you so much for the replies! I love all of the help you all are giving me. I am going to work more on the story today and keep all of your suggestions in mind and post some more of the story. I know in the first version of the story I made Aloiki a very upbeat and happy character. I think I am going to change him drastically. I will probably add the upbeat Aloiki as a different person in the story. Thanks again! Posted via Mobile Device
I hope this doesn't put you off - this isn't criticism, it's critique. I look forward to seeing how you go. You definitely have a talent, you just need to polish it. Heck, I've been a 'writer' for years and I still need a lot of work!
Thank you so much! This helped me tons! I have been trying to figure out how to make my sentences have more of a variety. I love the way it flows now after making those changes you suggested. Posted via Mobile Device