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post #1 of 17 Old 03-29-2014, 09:12 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Somerset UK
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Random story I started writing

I just started writing this yesterday because I was bored, it's quite long so thank you if you read it all. If you like it i'll try to write some more. Constructive crisicism welcome and i'm obsessed with punctuation as i'm sure you'll notice. Thanks

The journey had been a long one, they’d been driving for hours. Cool breeze filled the entire car through the open passenger side window. Music played moderately loudly on the car radio and sunshine magnified through the glass. Wisps of long brown, glowing hair blew backwards towards the drivers side, and a few words broke the peace,
“I think spending this summer at your Aunt’s will be really good for you Melody.” Melody lifted her face from her crossed arms resting on the top of the door to look out at the picturesque country scenery. Melody’s mother, Alex, momentarily looked away from the road and put her hand on her daughters shoulder,
“It’ll be good, what’s worrying you?“ She returned both hands to the steering wheel and waited for a reply,
“What if it’s not good? I mean, what am I going to do all summer?” Melody asked miserably. Alex smiled to herself knowingly,
“Believe me, your Aunt will keep you busy.” Melody turned to face forward, slumped into her seat and twirled the threads from the frayed edges of the rips in her skinny jeans around her fingers. She slightly smiled at the golden sunlight making her extremely pale skin almost look tanned. She looked up to the road and watched the hedges and trees that lined it blur past. With every white line in the middle of the road, they were getting closer to what would be Melody’s life for the entire season.
They began to drive down a long, thin, winding road.
“Almost there!” Alex sang enthusiastically. Melody suddenly felt nervous, she barely even remembered this woman, what if they didn’t get on? Well, it was too late now. A strong dusty smell drifted through the open window and made the air seem thick and dry.
“I bought you a present, it’s in that bag there.” Melody reached for the bag that she’d only just noticed and picked it up, it felt squishy, bulky and it was intriguing, but she decided to leave it for now. She was still wondering about the mysterious scent, she could think of no words to describe it but she knew she liked it. They pulled into the driveway, there was a beautiful cabin looking, chalet-style house made of dark wood and grey stone, and a gorgeous clear lake adjacent to it. A slight, young woman appeared from around the corner and was walking towards them. She was beaming, excited to see her sister and niece for the first time in years. She had auburn , bordering on redhead, ringlets down to her waist, a slight tan and a subtle splash of freckles between her hazel-green eyes. Alex jumped out of the car and Melody shortly followed after gathering her things.
“Here we go then.” she quietly muttered to herself, watching her mother and her Aunt hugging and jumping around shrieking like schoolgirls as she walked towards them.
“Now then Mikayla, look after my daughter.” her mother winked to her Aunt.
“Why of course.” Mikayla replied cheerfully.
“There you are!” Melody’s mother said, only just noticing her stood beside her, although she’d been there for a couple of minutes.
“Melon!” Mikayla screeched excitedly. Melody was now remembering her Aunt a lot more than she initially had, she had always called her that. She didn’t know why, she just did.
“Hi Aunty Kay.” Melody smiled. Mikayla’s bright yellow tank top and black skin-tight bottoms were smattered with small hairs, white dusty marks and her robust looking black boots were covered with dry mud.
“We are going to have so much fun! I’m so excited!” Melody forced a smile in response to her Aunt’s exclamations.
“Well, I should go and let you get settled in.” her mother said, taking hold of Melody’s shoulders and giving her a playful shake.
“Don’t worry Alexandra, I’ll take good care of her.”
Alex turned to her daughter,
“Now then Miss Loper, enjoy yourself….Thanks Mik!….Love you!” she called walking backwards to the car. As she turned her golden blonde hair fanned out behind her. She was so different to Melody - Blonde, tanned, green eyed and so confident. Melody sighed and watched her drive away.
“So, I’ll show you to your room.” Kay smiled and walked towards the house, Melody followed exhausted from the drive there. Melody’s room was at the end of the hall to the left, it was all white, nice fresh bedding and a large window overlooking the lake; it was perfect. That night she quickly drifted into a deep, comfortable sleep.
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post #2 of 17 Old 04-12-2014, 08:28 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
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If anyone cares, here's the next chapter....

The door knocked and slowly opened, waking Melody, she heard her Aunty Kay’s voice,
“Morning Honeydew!” She opened the curtains allowing the sun to stream in.
“We’ve got a full day today, you’ll need that present your mother got you.” Kay winked and gently closed the door. Melody had forgotten about the present, she now remembered to look. It was a pair of new black boots and some of the same tight bottoms as Aunty Kay’s. They looked nice with her favourite ruffled, peach tank top.
“Breakfast?” she heard Kay ask as she walked through to the kitchen. They both sat down to eat and chatted the whole time,
“So, what are we doing today?”
“You’ll soon find out!” Kay sang with her bubbly charm. They finished breakfast and Kay led the way out of the front door, across to where she had appeared from the day before when Melody had arrived. Melody stood in the entrance shocked at how she could have missed it when she walked past yesterday. A beautiful stables, all light wood, a concrete ground and maybe ten or so stalls. Kay walked to the middle of the area spun on her heels to face her and put out her arms,
“Ta-da! This is what we’re doing today!” you could tell she was proud of what she’d obviously worked so hard to achieve. Kay walked over to a large, muscular dapple grey gelding and lovingly patted his neck, lifting his short wiry mane with her fingers,
“This is Mystery, or Mysty for short….This is Isabelle, or Belle….”
She walked over to a beautiful golden palomino mare, the sunlight shining on her turned white against the sheen of her coat, highlighting her well defined muscles.
“Arianna, Ari….” A bulky liver chestnut mare with a long mane and tail of a similar shade of red, her coat darkened with sweat from the heat of the day.
“No offence to the others, but here’s my pride and joy, Pandora….” The regal mare lowered her head and Kay gave a loving hug from over the top of the horse’s neck and Pandora whickered softly to greet her, her glossy, dark brown coat ruffled between Kay’s fingers and her black forelock brushed against her eyelashes, she had no white markings and she was well worked as Kay’s show pony.
“And over here is Jessica, your new best friend.” Kay scratched behind the 14.2hh horse’s ear and mumbled greetings to her.
“Jess will keep you safe. Won’t you Jessy?”
Jess had four white socks and a white star that dripped down to a slim blaze, her white markings looked beautiful against her golden toned, chocolate bay coat. She looked agile and muscular, her eyes were kind and of an amber shade, reminiscent of flames. Melody walked straight to her and Jess nuzzled her hand that was resting on the stable door with her whiskery muzzle. Melody had never been around horses, she couldn’t remember ever even touching one and it was an accomplishment to know that they typically had four legs and said ‘neigh’. Melody was in awe looking at Jessica, she lightly brushed her fingers against her velvety nose. Pandora stretched her neck across from the next stable and touched her shoulder with her nose, it made Melody jump and snapped her back into reality.
Maybe this summer will be fun….’ Melody though to herself.
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post #3 of 17 Old 04-12-2014, 12:23 PM
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Mid-MI
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Looks really good!!!

If I would critique anything, it would just be to describe your terms. For example, we here on the forum all know what a liver chestnut looks like, but to someone non horsey, they might get the wrong picture in their head. Same with a 14.2hh horse lol!

But it really does sound good!! Are you going to keep going with it?
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post #4 of 17 Old 04-12-2014, 08:25 PM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NY
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I'm enjoying this story so far..
. Awaiting the next chapter!
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post #5 of 17 Old 04-12-2014, 09:10 PM
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This is super good! I'm interested to see where it goes from here.
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post #6 of 17 Old 04-13-2014, 06:19 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you, I really appreciate all of your opinions and I'm really glad you like it! Thanks for the critisism too. PW.X
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post #7 of 17 Old 04-14-2014, 06:29 AM Thread Starter
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Here's the end of the last chapter....

Maybe this summer will be fun….’ Melody smiled as she thought to herself.
“Here you go, I’ll show you how.” Kay said, handing Melody a tatty nylon head collar and a lead rope. Kay unlocked Jess’ stable door and opened it. She grabbed onto her jet-black forelock and encouraged her forward, Jess quickly responded and walked with her. They stood on the right side of the door where there was a metal ring in the wall and a loop of string tied through it, there was one beside every stable. Kay demonstrated how to put on the head collar and then how to tie a quick release knot, lecturing Melody about it at the same time. Kay walked into the tack room in the corner and came back out with a collection of grooming tools in a plastic crate. She set it down on the floor beside Melody and smiled at her as if she was waiting for her to react.
“This one for her body and this one for her mane and tail.” Kay said picking up a body brush and a plastic curry comb and handing them to her. Melody nodded once in agreement, looking down at her armful of unfamiliar tools. She stepped forward and put the comb on the floor, she quickly ran her fingers through the soft bristles of the body brush to examine it, before wrapping her hand around the lilac plastic and touching it to jess’ sleek summer coat. Kay was on Jess’ other side grooming her, so Melody copied her to make sure she was doing it right, carefully paying attention to the direction of every hair. She traded the brush for the comb and pulled the hard plastic bristles through her medium length, wiry mane, whilst Kay did her tail.
“Done?” Kay asked, standing up straight from her bent position at the horses back legs, spitting hairs from her mouth. Them both now covered in Jess’ hair.
“I think so.” Melody replied, stepping back to see if she had really made any difference.
“Perfect.” Kay said with a smile walking round to Melody’s side. Jess’ chocolate body seemed to shimmer even more and she flicked her previously half-asleep attention to their direction as she peered at them from her caramel surrounded eyes. Kay then showed Melody how to pick her hooves and went over some necessary safety information. She untied the rope and held it out to Melody,
“Just walk her round, get a feel for her.” Melody took the purple, half-chewed rope into her hands and lightly tugged, whilst Kay made a clucking noise to encourage Jess. After a while of walking and trotting Jess around, they returned her to her stable as it was to hot to work her for much longer. Melody now had a reason to be excited about this summer.

Does anyone have any ideas for names for this story? If the main horse character was Pandora, I could have called it 'Pandora's Horse Box' lol.X
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post #8 of 17 Old 04-16-2014, 12:18 AM
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I REALLY like your story .. Please keep writing !!
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post #9 of 17 Old 04-17-2014, 09:45 AM Thread Starter
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The first part of chapter 3....

The next morning Melody woke to what was now becoming familiar, Kay’s knock on her solid wooden bedroom door. The drapes didn’t need to be opened this morning to fill the room with light and the air was already hot and sticky, Melody could only imagine what it would be like outside.
“Sun-block is a must today, your going to be nearly 5ft closer to the sun than you anticipated.” Melody’s eyes were now wide open and she felt the motivation to get out of bed.
Jess is 14.2hh, which measures 4ft10”-nearly 5ft…..I’m going to ride for the first time today!’ Melody had never really thought about horses or riding before and she’d only been around them for a day, but now given the opportunity, she really wanted to do it. She was out of bed and ready in a matter of minutes, which in her case was a personal record. She sat down for breakfast with Kay,
“So, I’m riding today?” She could just about hide her excitement at the idea in her voice.
“Yep. I’m going to teach you about tack first though.” Kay said nonchalantly, sipping cold liquid from her glass. Melody wondered how she could be so calm about this, it was exciting!
“What’s tack?” She then fully realised what Kay had said and hoped her response hadn’t jeopardised her chances at riding because she didn’t know.
“Saddle, bridle, stuff like that.” Kay smiled, trying not to let the overwhelming heat make her irritable, Melody wasn’t a fan of the heat either but her mind was preoccupied. When they were finished they went out to the stables, Kay had to turn out the horses into the surrounding fields. They tied them up and Kay put on their fly sheets and fly masks to protect them out in the pastures. She walked into the tack room and returned with a bottle of sun-cream which she began to apply to Mysty’s muzzle, Melody couldn’t help but laugh, how could something so robust and strong need to be protected from such a delicate matter?
“You laugh now but if he got burnt, then no one would be happy!” Kay laughed, the sun couldn’t make her snippy when she was around the horses. They walked all of the horses apart from Jessica out to the fields, passing another area that Melody had failed to notice the previous day; behind the stable yard was an outdoor schooling arena, nailed onto the inside of the fences were signs with letters on them and the ground covered in sand-coloured fibres. Melody was walking Arianna, who towered over her at 17.2hh, her dark berry-red legs were almost as tall as her. Melody was distracted looking at the school and Ari’s nearly-a-ton, quarter horse frame almost crushed her foot.
Rule number one: Always stay focused around horses….
Melody thought to herself. Once all of the horses were turned out, Melody and Kay returned to the yard and got Jess out of her stable. Once tied Melody groomed Jess whilst Kay clattered around in the tack room. Melody just stepped back to check her work as she heard Kay’s footsteps on the concrete floor and she felt a pressure push down on her head-A riding hat that fit her perfectly. Kay tapped her fist against the black velvet surface creating a hollow noise directly in Melody’s ears. Kay stepped around the corner of the door and hefted an English saddle off of it’s rack, carrying it to them and lifting it up behind Jess’ withers. Checking it’s position and informing Melody of the names and uses of each part, she pulled the girth strap from beneath Jess’ barrel-shaped stomach from the opposite side and fastened it with a burst of might. She walked back to the tack room and emerged again with a bridle.
“Come here, you can do this with some help.” Kay smiled, quickly turning on her heels in realisation, Melody stepped forward and Kay showed her to put on the bridle correctly. Kay unbuckled the head collar that was draped around Jess’ neck and took the lead rope that was clipped to it, now clipping it to Jess’ bridle.
“Over there.” Kay pointed to the school holding out the rope to Melody. Melody’s stomach began doing somersaults.
“Are you sure your licensed to teach me?” Melody joked, walking Jess to the arena.
“Yep, definitely. I want to turn this place into a public lesson stables so I had to make sure I was licensed, I got it all ready and then something happened to one of the horses and the vet bill meant I couldn’t afford it anymore.” Kay’s voice suddenly sounded sad and she looked down as they walked, Melody couldn’t tell if it was because of what happened to the horse or if it was because of losing out on her dream,
Maybe both….’ Melody thought. Kay unlatched the gate of the school and gestured for Melody to take Jess through, she thanked her and then stopped at the side of the fence unsure what to do next. Kay walked in locking the gate behind her,
“Right, checked your stirrups?”
“Um….” Melody wasn’t really sure what that meant.
“Undo them like this and then check them against the length of your arm. Then you’ll know which way to adjust them.” Melody followed orders and Kay put them up a few holes.
“Ok, I’ll hold this side, you put your left foot in the stirrup and give a little bounce, then hoist yourself up and swing your other leg over.”

More to come of this chapter, I just need to write it first lol.X
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post #10 of 17 Old 04-17-2014, 01:29 PM
Join Date: Feb 2013
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I'm definitely enjoying this story....is melody's first time riding similar to your own experience? Lol I remember the first time I ever rode....it was in September I was 4y/o and my father had just bought me my first horse...I was a bit worried as she was a 4 year old hot head that we picked up from an auction...she had already spazzed out and bucked with my father but it went great and turns out I'm the only one who has ever gotten along with her! And I still ride her to this day!
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